An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

The pain the you feel when the one that you love is greatly suffering?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by 003, Jan 16, 2015.

  1. 003

    003 Community Champion

    When your loved one is suffering and he feels like he can't live without his drugs? What would you do? It's really hard for me to see that someone so important to me suffer under such great tremor. If only I could take it from her, so I'm the only who'll suffer. I wish it were all possible.
    pandabear1991 likes this.
  2. KNH

    KNH Active Contributor

    It really is one of the worst feelings ever. I wish I had some beneficial advice, but throughout the years I have honestly found none. I know everyone says to be encouraging and try to convince the person to seek help, but that usually seems impossible, especially when the addict just doesnt want help even though the addiction is killing them.
    pandabear1991 likes this.
  3. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    It's hard, but there's not much that you can do. I've tried multiple times in the past to try to get my mother to quit, and it's been unsuccessful. Yes it's hard to see my mother act the way she does and to drink her life away, but it's harder for me to have to deal with the way she treats me and the horrible things that she has said to me in the past or the beating I've gotten from her in the past due to her excessive drinking.
    pandabear1991 likes this.
  4. pandabear1991

    pandabear1991 Active Contributor

    I hate to say it, but more than once I have had to take the beer away from my Dad and hide it. Of course he got mad and threw a fit--after all he was drunk when I found him. But the next morning really counted, when he could start remembering why I did it. But at the same time, despite my efforts, it is a battle that he has to be willing to help win. Some days he seems okay, but then it is right back to the drinking. I do my best to be supportive, but without his will, I will never be successful. I am thinking an intervention may be in order if he cannot improve, or let others help. After all I do love him, and I hope to eventually see him happy, independent, and well.
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2015
  5. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    It's all possible. The word "impossible" is a figment of your imagination. If you really want to do something then the solution is simple: just do it. Every moment's hesitation would only bring your loved one closer to self-destruction. He's already at the point where he can't decide for himself, why would you leave the decision up to him? I don't understand that mentality. By watching that person suffer, you're actually condoning his addiction. If you want what's best for him, the best recourse would be to send him to rehab and never leave his side. Show your support from day 1 until the day he attains full recovery.
  6. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I think the best way around it is to just actively find a solution to the problem without beating yourself up too much if you don't find one that works immediately. It can make you feel trapped and helpless, but as long as you keep trying to help and are able to do so in the right way then you wouldn't have much to feel guilty about.
  7. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    I grew up around drug users. Because I was surrounded by it all the time, I was numb to it. It didn't really hit me until cops would show up at the house asking questions, or when one of my family members ended up in the hospital because of prolonged usage. It's hard to watch it happen. Even though you did tell them to stop, they didn't. I still have troubles with the thought, and it has been 7 years since the passing.
  8. LinB

    LinB Senior Contributor

    We certainly can't encourage them to go back to taking drugs. It is better that they suffer without drugs than to suffer with drugs. Drugs have far more devastation and I think the consequences are eternal. Just be there with that family member and get them counseling. The suffering won't be forever if they endure it.
  9. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    If the two of you were to suffer then we would have a bigger problem. You are better placed to play a vital role in lessening the pain of your loved one. You are at a vantage point because you can point out what is wrong with your friend and what measures should be taken to alleviate that suffering.
  10. mooray

    mooray Active Contributor

    I know that feeling hurts. But that is the best thing you can do. Remember after the storm, there is sunshine. It may seem hard but your partner will appreciate you more after recovery.