I made a painting out of green and black paint. The background is green, and in black I painted the Serenity Prayer on a canvas, and I hung it on my wall. It reminds me to have peace in my powerlessness against alcohol and other substances. However, and I think this is how it goes, we are helpless but not hopeless. To have faith when it comes to addiction is the answer. It has been a long time since I have posted. I told you my story about how I experimented with all sorts of street drugs and that I spent about 15 years of my life getting high on cough medicine, sometimes every day. And how I cheated on my urinalysis both in a psychiatric hospital and in rehab. Because cough medicine cannot be detected with a urinalysis, my rehab stay was based upon trust. But I just couldn't do it. But I hadn't done cough medicine for about a year and a half, but recently I had two relapses. The first one was before Halloween this year when I went to an opera and didn't want to cough during the performance. I took half the bottle of gels the night before, and half the night of the performance. You see I have a chronic cough, but my doctor and psychiatric team all agree that I shouldn't use DXM but deal with it in other ways. The second relapse was when I flew to another state last week to visit my relatives. I did not smoke a cigarette the entire time, and so I felt so anxious and wanted to control my lingering cough that I bought another bottle there. So, I feel like I've started from the beginning. I am dual diagnosis, both with a psychiatric disorder and a substance abuse history. My psychiatrist is working with me on this one. The high felt mildly euphoric, but it wasn't worth it because of a low and how guilty I felt afterwards. Thank you for listening to my need to speak. I appreciate all your help and support.