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The ugly truth

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by Yellobelly25, Oct 13, 2015.

  1. Yellobelly25

    Yellobelly25 Member

    I've witnessed many horrible things throughout my years of drug usage. Done some pretty crappy things myself but having been personally around while certain things took place is like stuff out of the movies. If I wouldn't of been on drugs myself it actually might of drove me insane but soon as the drugs flowed through my veins the problems I was surrounded by melted away and I quit caring. Seeing people sell their bodies and many people over dosing became a daily thing. Upstanding citizens people you wouldn't even imagine using the dirty drugs where there buying, trading, or selling themselves just for a piece of dog food. Being sick is no joke and once you need those drugs you crave and will do just about anything to get them. I luckily kept most of my morals and never once screwed over family and close friends. Never abused women nor paid them for sex. But I've seen it all take place and I feel bad enough for that. Drug dealers prey on certain victims and if its a girl they like they will constantly feed them whatever drugs they want and then one day just up n stop. Then when they have no more money or means to get it then its time to sell their soul. Its nasty, disgusting, and I have no respect for anybody that's like that. I myself wasn't the one supplying but I did have my moments of drug dealing to support my habit. Met some of the key players that run my city and a large portion of the united states as well. I thought it was glamorous at first. The cars, the money, the women. Then a few dabs into the purity of the product i was receiving blew up in my face. Once i quit dealing and was full blown addicted i still needed money so I guess you could say I did end up managing all the different girls. Some would call it a pimp I consider it protecter. The way I saw it they was going to go do it anyway the least I could do is watch over them. I didn't control or beat anybody I just stood up for them. They're human too no matter what at the end of the day they want to feel loved too and I know the feeling so as I would comfort them they would in return comfort me. It gave me a place to stay. Instead of being homeless and stealing or robbing people I would instead setup dates, screen clients, and make sure everything went accordingly. Yes I do feel bad about the things I've done. I have a heavy heart and a conscious that keeps me awake at nights. Which brought me here to share my story to see if anybody can relate. I've lost soo many of my friends and relatives to the drug game I've ran out of fingers to count on. My mother died from cancer when I was young which sent me on a downward spiral which is how I ended up down here in case you was wondering. I dont blame my situation for the things I've done. But when you're surrounded by pain and heartache for long enough eventually you will search for something to take the pain away. Unfortunately that thing for me was heroin because its literally everywhere where I live. I don't even know what brought me to write this. Guess I was just hoping it could help somebody or give some insight into the dark world many of us addicts call home. I've done nearly every drug you can think of every way you could think of doing it. All n all the absolute most worst drug of all time I would hands down say is heroin. I've seen Farr too many good people die from it, almost die from it, kill for it, and get killed for it. I've been in some of the roughest neighborhoods you could imagine, dealt with some of the most grimey people possible, been in and out of jail, ruined a 10 year relationship, and did some things I highley regret. All for the love of the drugs.
    It started off with weed, then experiments with LSD led me to pills, molly, mushrooms, and everything in between. Then this little white girl got me hip to the straw, I never thought for a minute I would take it that far. I would stay strung out for days and that's what led me to Bars, mixing them with 30s crushing them down and snorting them right there in my car. Prices for pills went sky high and that's what led me to tar. I never thought for a minute I would take it that far. At first I was able to maintain, but then it got hard. I went from snorting, to smoking, to injecting it straight in my arms. By then I was on the streets without a pot to piss in. None of this would have happened if I would of just listened. My friends and family doesn't want me around for fear things will come up missing. My grandma fears the worst cause she found me unconscious after I fell out in the kitchen. Waking up in hospitals you would think is enough to make you stop. Until you get back around it and use your shoe strings to tie knots. After everyone abandons you syringes and drugs become your best friend. Its a love and hate relationship that could be your end. Many who have done it are lucky to still live. But for many more who come from broken homes, lost all self respect and self esteem they would rather overdose from that which they love so they can't ever have it again.
    Welcome to my life.

    More to the story - I used to be scared to death of needles. I wish I would have stayed that way. I've seen some horrendous events. People shooting up in their dick, vag, tit, neck, forehead, palms of your hands, feet, one guy even shot up in the vein under his tongue. Shits horrible. I've almost died 4 times. My conscious is soo deep and guilt stricken I felt the need to share my story with someone. Hopefully it will help sway you from ever doing it or if you are on it or know somebody who is could possibly help. At one point I thought I had it all. Everything I could of wanted at least at the time. And it wasn't enough. I had my own place, multiple cars, a 10 thousand dollar hydroponic kit and was growing pounds of kush, had over 20k cold hard cash, sheets of acid, pounds of mushrooms, hundreds of Ecstasy pills, hundreds of perc 30s and xannie bars, Oz's of coke, lots of guns, and had just got done having an orgy with 3 beautiful girls. A blonde, a brunette, and an Asian girl. Pretty much every guys fantasy I was living. And I clearly remember not being happy at all and was inchs away from pulling the trigger on a hot pink 38 special. Ran through my supply of percs and that's what started the chain reaction. Totaled my escalade fucked up on xannies which put a big dent in my assets, started doing h and before you know it after about 2 years I lost each and everything I had. Now I literally have a book bag and a suitcase that I can contain everything I own in it. I'm soo sad and depressed it is killing me. I just keep trying to look on the bright side that even when I was practically hood rich I still wasnt happy. Been yearning for something to make me feel whole again. Dont have the courage to let the people that's close to me know what's going on. Everybody just thinks I fell off. But the pain runs much deeper than that. Sry wasn't tryn to be a downer. I guess this is just a cry for help.
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2015
    xTinx and lilfaerie28 like this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Thanks for sharing your story, @Yellobelly25. I commented in a couple of the other threads you posted in.
  3. lilfaerie28

    lilfaerie28 Active Contributor

    Your story is so heartbreaking. I'm glad that you are still here to tell your story. I have learned that happiness can't be found in 'things'. My family, my friends, setting goals and achieving them, those things make me happy. Drugs are an escape, and they feel so good at the time, but it's so temporary. Reality comes back and hits you hard, and the feeling to escape grows.
    Yellobelly25 likes this.
  4. LoveEcho

    LoveEcho Community Champion

    I'm sorry about the things you've seen, it's truly awful. Once you start using you're almost immediately sucked into a vicious cycle, I know that all too well. Being around hardcore users is a nightmare in itself, I never used drugs intrevenuosly because I watched my uncle die from AIDS and a few other diseases he contracted from the needle but I was around it quite a bit in my teen years after dropping out of high school.

    One disturbing thing that really sticks with me was the time I had to run a girl off the morning after a party for sifting needles. She was rummaging through the trash collecting used needles and sticking them in between her toes trying to get out the last bit of dope in them. How desperate must a person be to stab themselves with random dirty needles in an attempt to get an extremely small amount of herion out? That's just incredibly sad... You can tell these people to get help all day long but ultimately it's up to them.
    Yellobelly25 likes this.
  5. Yellobelly25

    Yellobelly25 Member

    Update - I'm going to turn myself in tomorrow to take care of a warrant since I haven't seen my probation officer in over 6 months. A violation is only 90 days but I'm going to request to do all my time so I have more time to clear my head and get out off probation so I can further my education and get in a better position so I can actually help the ones I love. I'm no good to anybody unless I help myself first. I hope my story inspires somebody out there. That's why I took the time to write it in the first place. For all my people out there who come from the mud just know you are not alone and I'm using all the pain we've been through and going to take my revenge through success. I can at least say I did acquire my GED during my years of using now its time to put it to use. My brother is going to help me pay for my schooling and once I'm fresh out of the cell people are more willing to help cause they know I'll for sure be clean and ready for a change. I'm a strong person. As you can tell the things I've been through could have possibly killed a lesser man. Lol jk but foreal the **** was hard and I'm making an educated decision to face my problems head on and not run from them. I wish everybody the best. Thanks for the support. Stuff like that keeps me going. I tried to give insight into the game from different perspectives. So hopefully something hits close to home and influenced at least one person. I'll check back up on this whenever I get out. God bless.
    dyanmarie25 likes this.
  6. JayLyn

    JayLyn Active Contributor

    Wow, that is really something alright. I got lost in parts of the story and couldn't quite figure out if you have been using heroin all through your drug career or if you just started in the two years that you lost everything. Doesn't matter, the important thing is that you've stopped or are stopping. Seriously. I'm not sure how many of us can relate to how deep in you've been, or to the amount of product and money you've had, but I know we can all relate to the despair that sinks in when you realize your whole existence revolves around the getting and using of something that is killing you and separating you from those who used to love you. I've lived some pretty desperate times myself and it took a long time to get out but I did. Thank you for your story, it reminds me that I don't want to go back and that even money doesn't necessarily ensure happiness.
  7. sillylucy

    sillylucy Community Champion

    Thanks for sharing your story! I know that you can stop and stay sober. We can all relate to this story as addicts. I think this could happen to anybody and I know that I will be happy no matter what now that I am sober.
  8. GettingBetter

    GettingBetter Senior Contributor

    Thank you for sharing Yellowbelly! You can do this. I think it is amazing of you to stand up and take responsibility to face your problems now. You can only come out stronger for it. I'm sorry you have seen so many painful things, and it's true the drugs make you feel better but they only bring you to more and more painful situations. Best of luck!
  9. Shenwil

    Shenwil Senior Contributor

    Thank you for sharing this story with us. Just reading it brought tears to my eyes. Thinking about the things some people go through everyday. I'm glad you realize that need help and is reaching out to others for help. Just remember that the drug may seem to take away the pain today but the situation will still be there tomorrow. S o why not start facing it from now. The faster you start the closer you get to a clean happier life. All the best.
  10. oraclemay

    oraclemay Community Champion

    Thanks for being so open about your experiences with drugs. It is good for people to see the ugliest side of it and just how easy it is to get caught up. It is not something you plan. I really hope you check back here and keep us updated on your situation. Wishing you all the best.
  11. artyarson

    artyarson Active Contributor

    That's pretty heartbreaking story. Hope you will get better and better as soon as possible. Addiction won't last forever, sure. As long as you're stong on the inside.
  12. tabithafitz

    tabithafitz Member

    I'm so sorry for what you have witness and gone through in your life. A lot of people think "that was your choice to go down that road" but I know first hand it's not that easy and it's even harder to get a way from that life, its not something you can just throw down and walk a way from. It takes people years to recover and many people struggle with recovery the rest of their life, with these kinds of drugs. But you're right, you have to help yourself and love yourself first before you can help any one else.
  13. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    At a certain age we really don't have a choice because we don't know enough. Are we a victim of society? Sure, more awareness should exist to indicate us the right way.
  14. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    That's the real problem @oportosanto, society is scandalized first, then tries to raise awareness, but usually does it after propitiating the wrong conditions, condemning then, and finally try to help when it's harder because of the road addicted persons have walked through and the consequences that addiction has left.
    oportosanto likes this.
  15. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    So true, it's a long way to go because in order to society notice what is wrong a lot of bad things should happened before, a lot of pain. Our values as society are reversed!
  16. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    As the saying goes... What does not kill you makes you stronger. Sounds like you are really strong now and make use of that to totally get rid of the drugs in your life. Right that you can be an inspiration that there will still be hope despite everything that had happened.
    deanokat likes this.
  17. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    In this case I really cannot say if it's true because many manage out of addiction with a golden heart, but a destroyed body result of the abuse, so the sooner we quit the better.