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The Wishful Trap

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by scootpony, Mar 14, 2015.

  1. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    I'm wondering how many get caught up in the wishful trap. You know, where you say you want to quit something. Or you say you want help. But really, the whole time you're just lying to yourself and the best that you can really say, truthfully, is that you wish you wanted either or both of those things.

    I know there was a time like that for me. Where I wished I wanted what would be good for me. In truth, I think I just wanted my life to get better without having to change anything.

    Now I wish I knew exactly what it is that brings about the change in a person that makes them truly want to quit or to get help instead of wishing it were so. God did that for me; but even to allow God to intervene requires one to be ready, willing and able to let go and let him do what he does without standing in the way.

    What is it that makes a person ready?

    All I know is I am forever thankful to have a feeling of wonder back in my life. To be able to wake up every day looking forward to whatever comes instead of only waking up to serve stupid, wasteful and all consuming addiction.
    xTinx likes this.
  2. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Change requires effort and determination. If you're not happy with your addiction, then you've got to do something about it without hesitation or fear. Nothing good comes easily and it requires a lot of work from yourself in order to meet your intended goals.
  3. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    I think, though, that sometimes people become content in their addictions and it's not actually the addictions they want to get rid of. Really! Inside they haven't gotten that far. What they're concerned about most is the circumstances surrounding their addictions. They want rid of the consequences but want to keep the problem.

    And also, once the drive is there. The real honest to God true drive, that is. It doesn't require half so much effort as it does when one is dragging their feet. True desire without impediment from within makes the job a sight easier; and, I can tell you from experience, it can be a pleasure more than a work when you know that "this time it's for keeps".

    And you know it because something in your very heart has changed. Inside, you now have more help than you could ever have imagined being real.
  4. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    The motivation to change one's life comes from many different directions. Some feel compelled to stop abusing certain substances after they came close to death, or they were involved in a situation where they saw others succumb to alcohol or drugs. Then there are those who know instinctively that they won't get very far if they continue on a certain path, whereas others again, feel that they have wasted enough time with pointless excesses. The reasons to quit one way of life and embark on a totally different one are endless. The main thing is to do it.
    scootpony likes this.
  5. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    You have to be to the point in which you truly want your addiction to be gone or it is going to make the whole process that much harder. It is like giving up chocolate when you really love the taste of it, you absolutely need to be honest with yourself and decide that it is time to quit. Everyone has their own reasons for wanting to quit and you have to outline what your specific reasons are.
  6. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I also have that moments of "wishful thinking" but not about taking drugs because I have never done drugs yet. It's more about personal growth.

    I think when you really mentally and physically prepare yourself, and when you're dead serious about quitting, then I guess that's when you go out of that dreadful wishful trap, and focus on your goals.
    scootpony likes this.
  7. TommyVercetti

    TommyVercetti Community Champion

    What you have to do to overcome that 'wishful thinking' phase is to recognize the dissonance between wanting an idea versus wanting the reality. Everybody who is addicted wants the idea of being sober or free from their addiction, but that is a far cry from wanting to be rid of it in reality.
    Rosyrain likes this.
  8. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    Sometimes we are wishing something for ourselves like change of bad attitudes that had happened from our past or a wish for our success in our future. Whatever it maybe in order for us to avoid that wishful trap we must believe in ourselves that we can pursue it and we must be prepared to struggle whatever obstacles you might encountered while on your journey to make your wish come true.
  9. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Change is brought about by a firm resolve to stop using what you are using so that your life and finances will be better. So if you're not disciplined and determined enough to make that change, then nothing will happen. Change does not come to you, so you have to make it happen. Wishful thinking is not enough. You should get moving. :)
  10. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    I have moved. I've been removed from the abusive life for many years now, but discipline had little to do with it. God had everything to do with it. As far as I'm concerned, he did it all.:)
  11. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I find it a bit odd that discipline had little to do with it since you must be disciplined enough to resist taking the drug. So you think that praying to God alone made you lose interest in taking drugs?
  12. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    The wishful trap can be a big one to overcome, that is for sure. You have to do what you can do to make your wishes and dreams come true. If you want to quit your addiction, you can't wish that you could, you have to take actual steps to quit it. This is what is hard for a lot of people because they feel that they can't acheive goals without "something" happening, whatever that something is.
  13. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Kudos to you Scootpony! Not everyone has that rare gift, where they can look within and bounce back from a dark pit through sheer strength of spirit. That's because not everyone has a clear understanding of what they really want to do for themselves or for others. I know it's a bit dogmatic for those who do not really believe in a Higher Being or adopt a sort of faith, but these beautiful words from a Catholic saint have always kept me grounded as well as deepened my understanding of my own existence: "I'll spend my heaven doing good on earth." And that's exactly what I wish for myself and for others.
    scootpony and Rainman like this.
  14. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    There never is a "right time." Such deceptive thoughts will keep your procrastinating forever. There'll never be a time when the "perfect conditions" give you the green-light to stop abusing a substance. It never works that way. It's either you quit cold turkey right away or if that's impossible, start weaning yourself off the substance immediately. That's the only way to beat an addiction.
  15. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    I see where you're coming from and I agree; but I still hold that one will do nothing wholly constructive about fixing any bad thing in their life until their heart is ready.

    I have seen people jump in and try to take charge over their addictions or whatever other problems they have when their heart was not ready and then, when something rocks their world whether it is a month or several years down the road, right back into the frying pan they go.

    I will forever maintain that the heart must be right and that means that you cannot be lying even one little bit to yourself about wanting to quit. If there is even one part of you holding out, then you most likely will find yourself in a backslide later on.

    If it's a daily fight for you even after you have been off of something for well long enough to get whatever it is out of your system and see the benefits of it, then your heart is not ready. A part of you is unwilling to let that lifestyle go and you will most likely find yourself in a backslide later on.

    Does that mean you shouldn't try? No! It does not. I just means that while you're trying you should put a great deal of effort into finding out why your heart isn't yet right and you don't really want to give up the things you know you should.
    Rainman likes this.
  16. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    That's a beautiful quote and something we could all stand to contemplate.:)
  17. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    My praying didn't so much do it as it was done by God alone. I not only was not disciplined enough, I really didn't even want to live anymore. The lord told me that he would love to have my life and I gladly gave it away. He took it and he fixed it. It's as simple as that, though if I had to tell you how he did it I most certainly could not.
    He not only removed the desire for alcohol, pot and cigarettes from my life, but also caffeine and all types of sodas for some mysterious reason.
    And he did it all inside of two weeks time.
    I believe it's called "a cleansing", and I will be forever grateful to him for it.
  18. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I see, what you said is definitely interesting, but since you don't want to share more details, then I respect that. I'm guessing that it's along the lines of near death experiences? Because I believe in such concepts and that there is an afterlife after we die. But of course, you're not required to answer that. Anyway, I'm glad that you're a changed and better man now. :)
  19. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    It's not that I'm not inclined to say more, it's just that it's a rather long story and is also one that I haven't really written down or anything so it would just be cumbersome. Something like a near death experience, yes, but not exactly. I've actually always been a lucid dreamer and have many times experienced what others would call out of body experiences. Whether they actually are out of body or whether they are simply experiences on a different mental plane, I don't know. I don't even know if there is a difference between the two as it seems to depend on who's saying.

    I'm actually somewhat clairaudient, as well. I think most are and just don't think about it. Some are afraid of what they hear and it runs to anxiety, panic attacks and mental illness. One must be able to separate the good from the bad in what they hear, just as they do with what they hear in the physical world.

    And I'm a woman. Not so sure I'm better, either. Just far happier, healthier and better off. Actually, what I am is free.

    So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. ~ John 8:36 (NIV)
  20. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    There's a lot of this with people, doesn't have to be addiction. They call it confusion. It's not like this state makes you intelligent. Cause in fact it doesn't. The confusion lies in something that you don't want to do but you can't seem to stop. It's like a battle with yourself.
    An inability to do something you know you should, like stop. There is a disconnect with the mind and body completely. The body is doing something the mind does not want to. The mind just gives in and lets it happen. I think doing physical things other than drugs would make a big difference. Like exercise or hobbies. Something that you enjoyed from your childhood. Playing a certain game or skateboarding. Something like this. A connection to the physical that makes you happy. The simplest thing is to walk an hour a day and not to just stare at the ground. Look around at what is around you. Feeling better and connecting the mind with the body so the mind actually begins to have control over it.