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They say to get away from people that influence you....

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Friend' started by primalclaws1974, Jan 6, 2015.

  1. primalclaws1974

    primalclaws1974 Senior Contributor

    Obviously a person is not going to break their habit if people they used to party with are still using around you. My dad tried to quit drinking to save his life, because he had to be clean to be on a heart donor list. He had to quit drinking and smoking. My stepmom never quit, and would continue in the same room as him. He eventually died anyway, but that is not the point. How do you stay away from people that influence you if it's your own spouse or other people you live with?
  2. Cryyo

    Cryyo Member

    I know some people that have quite literally packed their bags and left. Of course this option is not viable for everyone, but it is a surefire way to ensure you lose contact with the people that you were involved with when your life was on the wrong path.
  3. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I think eventually they would have to go on their separate ways if that were the case because once a person changes their lifestyle and the other one refuses to, someday the symbiosis that was once there will cease to exist. I'm speaking only in a general sense of course. Every relationship is unique so it's hard to say what method would be best as standard.
  4. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    It's difficult if you are constantly exposed to people who are trying to influence or even manipulate you in certain ways. The only way that I could survive was to remove myself completely from the people and the environment that was causing me to constantly relapse back into alcohol abuse. I couldn't find any alternative for myself, and I tried many.
  5. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    The easiest thing to do is to set certain boundaries. Even if it's just one room in your house. Set aside this room as your "safe zone." No one is allowed to enter this room whether they do drugs or not. Enforce it. That can help a little but if there's a smoker in the house [and they smoke inside the house] that fine strategy wouldn't be of much use.

    If one can afford it, the best thing to as has been suggested above is to move out.
    DK01 likes this.
  6. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    I like what Rainman has stated but as a smoker myself I am considerate of others in my household by limiting my smoking to an area in the house. If someone should come in my 'area' I do put out my cigarette to converse with them. But all in all this is a good option but only to the user.

    I'd hate to think that one partner would consider moving out because the other has a problem unless there was some very serious life threatening issues happening. I'm hoping that this would not have been the situation between your father and stepmother.
  7. GG88

    GG88 Member

    I think it's sad when someone can't support their partner when it comes to making a lifestyle change that could save their life. I would not have been able to stop drinking if I hadn't removed myself from a certain group of people who were part of that same culture. I had to surround myself with people who either didn't drink at all, or wouldn't drink in front of me as I went through the process of sobering up.

    For a long time I tried to convince myself that I'd be okay on an evening out with these people, but I did fall off the wagon whenever I saw any of them, and then I was starting over again. So, I had to say goodbye to all of them. My husband was never really a drinker, but he has not had a drink either since I gave up for the final time.

    I gave up smoking soon after I sobered up because every time I had a cigarette, I wanted to have a drink; the two just went together for me.

    Sorry to hear that it didn't work out for your father.
  8. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    "your own spouse or people you live with" ; If you married someone you want to stay away from or you have a roommate that you want to stay away from. You'll need to make solid decisions. It was unfortunate for your Dad that your step mom was so inconsiderate. There age makes it harder to break it up. I think if I read correctly you are divorced. Seems like you have made that decision, but perhaps she is still around. "Other people", roommates maybe? Its tough and it is what it is. You just need to make the clear decisions and move on. I know it may seem as if the situation is endless and there is no way but it will be for the best. If they are a bad influence why have them around? The saying is you can't pick your family but you can pick your friends. The company that you keep will determine many things in your life. Direction, state of mind, well-being, safety, and many other things.
  9. LostmySis

    LostmySis Senior Contributor

    The problem here is really a matter of addicts living under the same roof. So if the recovering addict stands back and sees what is going on, they have to decide "Do I want to risk my sobriety over someone who is in denial?"

    If the addict chooses sanity, then he/she must leave. It might even be this extreme measure that might make the other addict to admit their own problems.
  10. RobertNick

    RobertNick Member

    As somebody who is managing a cousin who I think about profoundly enduring due to her dependence on Xanax, I'd need to concur with such projects. At first, when I came to think about my cousin's compulsion, I frequently couldn't comprehend the way she was acting. To be completely forthright, some of the time I still don't have a clue. It's extremely troublesome for a relative to grapple with how the fiend is acting. I wish I could have had such a project to help me when I first got some answers concerning my cousin's habit.
  11. gmckee1985

    gmckee1985 Senior Contributor

    If you know someone who is addicted, of course it's a good idea to keep them away from those that influenced them to go down the wrong path towards addiction in the first place. If you have a friend that is addicted, you have to keep them away from bad influences. It's the only way they will have even a small chance at recovery.
  12. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    I don't think that it is one hundred percent necessary to completely cut the people who influence you out of your life, especially if they're a family member, but you should definitely explain to them how it is not okay for you to be around them when you're trying to get help and get into recovery from your addiction. Definitely don't put yourself in a position where they will manipulate you into relapsing or trying to force you to start up again.
  13. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Right that better to avoid those who can influence you to go back to bad vices again. But it is hard if that someone is inside in your household like your spouse or a relative living with you. I think better to try to make that person quit too if possible.
  14. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Picking up your bags and leaving from everything I have heard is not something that's going to be easy to do. I have known of people living with a partner for twenty and thirty years without ever being able to influence that person to stop. I know of at least one case where the smoking person actually influenced the other to start smoking. Fortunately it never been addictive.

    You would think that love should prompt a person to quit for the mutual benefit of the household, but addiction sometimes seems more powerful than love.
  15. DK01

    DK01 Active Contributor

    Its not easy to walk away from friends/relatives who influence your habit, often the sharing of the habit forms part of the fundamental connection between people, so leaving them means leaving people who you care about, without any guarantees that you'll be successful in beating the addiction. Though its obvious that trying to quit is not aided by continuing these associations, I think its also obvious that if and when somebody us finally ready to quit, there's pretty much nothing that can stop them. The mind is a very powerful tool, in the same way it tells us we need something when we're addicted to it, the same way it can tell us we don't need something, however much physical surrounding evidence suggests we do.
  16. DK01

    DK01 Active Contributor

    I worry about making special provisions like that, I think it can sometimes give the mind false strength. For example what happens if you enforce the 'safe zone' and you yourself violate the rule during a moment of relapse? Will that affect confidence more than if the relapse did not occur in an enforced zone? My worry is that a person may feel defeated if this eventuality should occur.

    For me much easier is to build up willpower slowly, with the only real reward being that one can see the number of days they've been sober growing and growing and growing. The mentally we feel we have something to protect, which makes it a little easier.
  17. KNH

    KNH Active Contributor

    I suppose setting boundaries might be an option, but a lot of times I think the only solution really is to cut ties. It's sad, and not easy, but if things are really bad at home because of the bad influence, leaving is the smart thing to do. Of course, sometimes boundaries and "safe zones" may certainly work, so I am not discrediting those, but hanging around a bad influence for a long time is overall just bad.