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Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by L_B, Jan 22, 2016.
But it is what it is. I choose this life.
Please don't dismiss it as something you're choosing to do - love is a complicated, complicated thing and it's not easy. I can't tell you what to do - that would be out of place for me to do. But I can say that you are 110% within your rights to walk away.
I know a lot of us here care about you and I only say this from the place of someone online that cares about you (despite not knowing you in person) - you are worth more than being hurt.
If you have somewhere safe to go, please, please do. Sending love!
I am okay. He was out of it and we got into an argument. He didn't like what I had to say and he pushed me. I backed off and went to bed. He stayed up for a while raging until he finally passed out. This morning he claims to not remember putting his hands on me but I don't know if he is just saying that. Thank you for caring.
“Risk anything! Care no more for the opinion of others ... Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth."
If he passed out there could be a possibility that they actually don't remember but failure to remember is no excuse for getting violent and you need to at least extract a promise that this won't happen again in future. I too, would advice walking away should things get physical again.
I hope things get better - and yes, it's hard to know whether he really doesn't remember or is just saying that. How have things been since then? Nonetheless I hope you're okay - physically and emotionally.
@L_B. It's tough walking on eggs. Not knowing what is going to set someone off by what we say and they don't like it. I pray that it was just the first time that this has happened and I would agree to having a verbal commitment from him that it won't happen again. I would also like to say that if you feel that you are not safe, then yes, find a safe place to go or ask him to leave until he sobers up. Also take note on the argument itself, mainly what was said and what kind of tone to avoid future incidences. We as receivers have to be more self conscious of what we say when talking to someone under the influence of altering substances. I feel that the hurt and anger got the best of you then. Our best tool is reasoning not so much as the anger and hurt that we feel.
He has been good since but he doesn't want to talk about it. I have attempted to and he just walked away. He said he didn't want to talk about it, that he was sorry and that was it. I definitely will be more cautious around him and choose my words and actions carefully when he is under the influence. The next day he was back to drinking again like nothing happened but his mood stayed good and on Sunday he was drinking again.
I would venture to guess that he did remember and was ashamed. That still does not make it ok, however. I think I would try to catch him when he's sober. Tell him you are afraid of him now. You simply cannot keep yourself in a situation in which you could get hurt. It's not acceptable!
This time you may not have gotten hurt, but there is something in the mind of a violent person. When they get to a certain point they will keep going a little further each time if they do not reign themselves in, which he apparently is not doing.
@L_B even though he didn't want to talk about what happened you 'did' try. He may continue to avoid talking about it just be aware if you try to press the issue he might get upset again.
@L_B... I'm so sorry. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please promise me you'll leave if you feel even remotely that you're in danger. I truly care about you. Sending you hugs, my friend. Lots and lots of hugs.
I'm really sorry to hear this. I really do hope this will never repeat, there is never an excuse to get physical it doesn't matter how much someone has drunk.
I am very sorry to hear this. I truly hope this never happens again, there is no excuse for violence.
This is not good at all. If someone can't remember what they did and got violent, they could put themselves or other people in danger. What if he goes out and picks a fight with somebody and doesn't remember it. What if he hit someone while driving and doesn't remember, I'm sure the cops will remember to lock him up. I think "he" needs to get help.
It is very unfortunate and I am not a certified psychologist but if you were al right you wouldn't be writing this thread. Maybe you do not see it like that and maybe I am wrong but this might be your cry for help or like a vent to let of the steam. It is easy for us to talk but I know one thing for sure. I have seen it and once it gets physical it will never stop. Foe instance I never hit a woman and I would feel awful if I do it and some people are prone to that even though they do not go around hitting women. When they get the first shot they use it and usually it only grows. I have been working with women who got molested and the story is the same. "He told me this is the last time and he begged for forgiveness. I accepted eventually ending up in a relationship of two years where I got molested regularly." It takes courage, we are not all the same. I am not saying this is your case but it is rather sharing my experience.
Thank you everybody for your words of support. I guess you are right @djolem I am not okay if I came here to talk. At the time I was scared and confused. I needed somewhere to go and this place has become my safe place. I know I can talk openly and people will understand. I hope it never happens again but yes I do have concerns that it will. I will not become somebody's punching bag. I love him but he needs to get help and he needs to get help now. Things are quickly escalating out of control. He hasn't drank all week but the weekend is upon us so we will see how that goes. It sure changes thing once you see that side of a person.
It is very sad but I see you are being brave and hope what you say is true and I hope that he will come to his sense. I am glad you found this forum to be a safe place I did too but I was my own demon. Anyway, it is hard to live and not to be at ease waiting for weekend. Especially if you live with someone you love and he is the reason. Be strong and know you have friends here.
I hope you had a good weekend. Right that you should not allow anyone to hurt you and you should be firm with that. It is important to love and value yourself, setting limits is important as well. Have a nice day.
If I had violence in my life I would walk away from it, even more if kids are involved. I would just grab them and go to a better life.
Monday is upon us, I hope that the weekend went smoothly. It sounds to me that he really needs to get treated, you should subject yourself to this sort of behavior.
@Rainman, thanks for the beautiful Katherine Mansfield quote. I needed to read that today.
@L_B, you're smart, strong and brave, and I pray that everything will work out for you. I pray that you'll be treated better, the way you deserve, and I pray that these challenges will only help you be even stronger and braver. Stories like yours make me ask over and over why bad things happen to good people. We're all pulling for you. Thank you for entrusting us with your story.