So this is meant for everyone I have ever insulted,offended, judged or done wrong by in any way shape or form. For 35 years of my life I only had 2 active emotions "Hate and Anger "For those 35 years I did not understand why until one night coming off a meth binge I had nodded out and woke up with a murderous rage,a memory I had hurried so deep it controlled my every breath. With tears in my eyes I walked up to my wife and told her"I think I was molested when I was a young boy "To my surprise she said I know you have told me about 4 times over the past 15 years. I never remember telling her but the last time and I assume it's because I never allowed myself to not be hammered drunk,at this moment I had made up my mind I remembered his name and Google maps showed me where he lived,I pounded a six pack gave my wife a hug told her I loved her and to send me the divorce paperwork when I got to prison.As I headed for the door she jumped in front of me and said "You can't do this,you said you loved me and now your just gonna throw us all away"I never thought in a million years anyone could stop me from taking this man's life and then she hit me with that.I was going to tie his wife to a chair and make her watch me end his life because she knew what he was doing to use in that room and she allowed it to happen even telling me that yes he was telling the truth all little boy's go through that it's part of becoming a man and they didn't stop there they said don't tell your dad because he will be upset that he didn't have that moment with you for the first time...at 5 years old I believed it and he gave my dad a very rare expensive car a week later and I remember my dad didn't know why but I now know it made him feel like we were even,he gave my dad that fuckin× car as payment for what he had done to me.There are so many people who want to kill me I can't even honestly imagine the number and most of them find me in various ways typically through hacking but I am ok with that because I want them to see I am more than a hateful human being with massive amounts of porn data,I have watched all kinds of disgusting porn and no I am not proud of that but it is the truth,I was sober 7.5 month's and watched zero porn in that time frame but recently I had a short relapse and ya anyways no more dope or booze for me or porn, honestly I never really watched it I would just constantly fast forward it and we'll ya I want nothing to do with that lifestyle anymore. Anyways I know some people will read this and think it's all bullshit and from what they know of me considering how I was living I totally understand why they would think that.Some of you are probably wondering why I shared this and the only answer I can give is I have to release it to get beyond it.After that memory came back I started changing ,in my heart and soul. I finally understood where the hate and Anger came from and it's not easy but I am learning how to truly love other's, not for any specific reason other than I now have access to all my emotions I had it rough growing up and I'm not making excuses but again it's the truth,around the age of 7 I was being molded by certain family members to be a full blown racist at this time I was receiving letters from a family member who was in and out of prison for over 20 years and I don't think he thought what he was teaching me was wrong at the time he now understands,luckily the racism didn't stick in fact the best friend I've ever had is black and I am white,I really miss him but I believe my past actions and statements have probably changed how he feels about me and I pray I can one day see him again and apologize and give him a hug because in my heart he will always be my brother even if he does have a better than me lol.Since I'm on the topic of race let me offer my take on it "Skin color is the most irrelevant thing about any human being..period"If you have to hate someone simply because they are a different color than you my heart goes out to you because from personal experience myself something went wrong while you were being raised...and no I am not mocking you if you are one of these people. "Politics "Republican or Democrat "again it's irrelevant just try to remember they benefit from the division they cause and we collectively as a society pay with everything we've got including in some case's our lives.If you live in America you should be all of the same political party "American "there is no need to label political belief it fosters the same mentality as racism and it's my personal opinion we should all reject that notion and demand to only be known politically as such then we can eliminate the nonsense and vote for the best candidate instead of voting for their title,it's another division tactic and we can change it if we stand together, have you ever heard this?"Together we stand divided we fall"It's true and that's the agenda they are truly pushing...Division.I know this isn't Facebook so thanks for bearing with me.