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Those pesky character defects!

Discussion in '12-Step Support Groups' started by medievalmama, May 14, 2015.

  1. medievalmama

    medievalmama Community Listener Community Listener

    Ugh. The good news is that it is never too late to change. It was recently brought to my attention that I was being very self-centered in one aspect of my life. I chronically forget my husband's birthday. I was talking with my sponsor about it, and she gently pointed out that I might need to work steps 6 and 7 on this issue (made a list of our shortcomings, and become entirely willing to let god remove these defects of character.)

    Oh, how I hate admitting that I'm wrong, but in this case, I had to realize that this was a problem, and I needed to address this deep-rooted character defect. My ego is still stinging a little bit, but I'm so grateful to have a sponsor who is willing to point out when I am wrong. Knowing that I have the 12-steps to affect change gives me great hope. Today, I am grateful to still be willing to look at myself and strive to become the person god would have me be.
  2. drc52

    drc52 Active Contributor

    Thank you for sharing. This was quite inspirational and very honest. I wish you good luck in your future endeavours.
  3. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Definitely you have a good sponsor going through your 12-steps recovery program, so please listen to her and accept the real you she is showing you off.

    Sometimes we don't admit to be pointed out at our mistakes or flaws, but accepting them and showing willingness to change will always contribute positively to move forward, and there will come the day when you don't longer forget your hubby's birthday.
  4. pstrong1969

    pstrong1969 Community Champion

    Yeah i know about those character defects coming to the the light. As soon as i did step 4 and 5. Bam there they were all the ugly shortcomings ive been trying to hide and deny. As soon as i ask God to remove them he let me know what they were for sure. I just try not to beat myself up about them. Im learning very very slowly that Im not perfect-far from it. I have to stay willing to have God remove them, Progress not Perfection.
  5. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    Everyone has character flaws, it's part of being human. You don't need to be ashamed of being human, you just have to be humble enough to admit that you are not perfect, and be willing to make changes where changes are needed. It's never easy, but it's something we all have to do.
  6. Steve Dawson

    Steve Dawson Community Champion

    Yes, none of us are perfect, and sometimes it can be a bit of a shock when we come face-to-face with our less pleasant attributes, but simply admitting that theres a part of you you'd like to change for the better is a step that many people have trouble getting to. I was the most miserable human being on the planet for a little while when I gave up drinking, now-a-days my friends would be surprised if I even raised my voice. I'm sure your positive nature will make it easy for you to become the person you would rather be. As someone with a habitually terrible memory, I can sympathise with you.
  7. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    We all have character defects whether we want to admit to them or not. Understanding that they are there can give us more insight into ourselves and understanding why we act as we do. I think that you can work on some of these things and develop yourself as a human being so that you can get the problems taken care of in an expedient manner.
  8. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Oh yes, I have far too many character defects to work on :p The list is long, I have anxiety issues, dependency, binge eat, fear, impatience, etc. So many things to work on. So does my mom. I only wish she could go back to the 12 step program, she was doing so well, but she stopped going there. Now I see her manias are coming back little by little, she doesn't panic as much as she did when it rains (and has to drive), but she is no longer working on her character defects.
  9. mooray

    mooray Active Contributor

    We are human beings. Nobody is perfect. But what makes the difference is the ability to realize when you have made a mistake. Unfortunately, most human beings have something called 'ego' which blinds them from the truth.
  10. PLP Rob

    PLP Rob Active Contributor

    Sober or otherwise, admitting you're wrong can be a difficult thing. However you get there, though—whether by 12 steps or on your own—it's a net positive. Kudos on having the strength to hear constructive criticism and look at your own behavior with an honest, objective eye. :)
  11. LeonasSword

    LeonasSword Active Contributor

    Yeah i ken about those character defects coming to the the light. As anon as i did step 4 and 5. Bam there they were all the uncomely shortcomings ive been endeavoring to obnubilate and gainsay. As anon as i ask God to abstract them he let me ken what they were for sure. I just endeavor not to beat myself up about them. Im learning very very gradually that Im not perfect-far from it. I have to stay inclined to have God abstract them, Progress not Perfection.