time am I too late

I'm 48 years old grandmother mother and wife of 25years. I'm also an addict of amphetamine for over 20 years. I'm not in any debt never been in trouble with police in fact most people wouldn't believe I'm an addict. It's hard for me to. I don't get high never have done . just take amphetamine to get through my day .I have had many issues I haven't dealt with in my life .sex abuse rape twice. an horrific forced abortion. demestic violence mental abuse. And I just can't do it anymore . I have finally asked for help .But as I'm trying to get clean my mental health is getting worse .I keep being told I need to be clean before my issues can be addressed but as my amphetamine use is to mask my issues I can't do it like this .what do I do

I'm currently on a drug awareness course and our local life line course .which up to now involves filling in drug diary. I have had assessments from mind and healthy minds all agree I need help. But still unsure of which area to begin with. I have very low self esteem and confidence. due to many traumas in my life. I had never touched any drug till in my late 20. as a young mother with 2kids 2jobs and a husband who expected the house and kids clean and tea on the table every night .then I also had to look after my mum in law who was dieing of cancer. I took amphetamine to keep going when I was so tried I could hardly stand. nothing was good enough no matter how I tried .and I tried and tried. until I couldn't cope wit out the drugs. I have never taken anything else. ( ilegal drugs ) just amphetamine. But now I have finally asked for help. I feel people justo see me as a drug addict. After years of no one knowing I though it was the right thing to do but instead everything I have done pales to the back and I'm seen as just an addict .

sorry for the essay I just feel lost and don't know which way to go .

thank you yes I will find someone

@MEA I have been in the program for almost 22 years, not sober the entire time. The last time I went out I actually started seeing a therapist for issues that were being masked by the drugs. Your issues won't get better until you deal with them. However you have to be clean first. Your issues won't get better until face them, either within the program or like I did with a therapist. Just getting clean won't be the answer, it is only the first step. The issue isn't drugs, those are just a symptom of a much deeper issue...why you started using in the first place. Removing the drugs allows you to feel your feelings again. They say in the program that when you are in enough pain you will get help. It sounds like you are at that point, and have been for a long time.

Take the first step (get clean) and work the 12 step program. If you thoroughly follow the path laid out in the program you will be successful. Success is measured one day at a time.

thank you. I can do this I will do this.