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Tips for Grief?

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by springbreeze, Nov 3, 2014.

  1. springbreeze

    springbreeze Active Contributor

    What tips do you have for someone suffering from grief and loss? Any advice you want to share would be appreciated. I love hearing from different people who've experienced different things.
  2. jdroc

    jdroc Active Contributor

    The best advice I can give is to face it. Just sit with it, feel it in it's totality. Some people say fight against stuff. However, if you thought about it, the very notion of fighting implies the other thing. You have to have something to fight against. So I"m saying don't fight it. Accept it, and see what it has to offer.
    imperivm1 likes this.
  3. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    First you must accept the loss. It's normal to feel sad when someone you love passes on. And this feeling could last for a lifetime if you let yourself believe that person is gone forever. For atheists, the passing on of a loved one can be devastating because you know that you won't ever see them again but if you are a religious person then hold onto the hope that once this life is over, you'll see the people you loved once again.

    IMO, the best way to face grief is believe that death is but a transition . . . to a better life elsewhere.
  4. valiantx

    valiantx Community Champion

    To ease one's grief, I say fight it! Then yell at it! Toss and smash it against the walls and roof! Pile-drive the bloody thing into the ground and beyond into the depths of hell from whence it spawned from, I tell you!!!

    All this talk about accepting is a defeatist mentality, and most certainly a indication of a defeatist type of attitude, because the word "accept" means "to agree to what's offered." I don't have to agree to accept any offer that doesn't benefit i a man, and grief is not something given, it's something one invokes to experience as a response to pain, loss, trauma, and tragedy. Also, never use the word "suffer" to imply or express one's grief, because it literally means "to take up" as in one agreed or accept to allow something to harm, injure, or wrong them, physically and mentally.

    I say forget grieving, it's understanding how that particular experience(s) shall and has changed one, for better or worst, as a man or woman - hint, if one continues to grieve, one shall continue doing so.
  5. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    You have to face your grief, and sometimes that involves a mourning period where you're just not yourself. It might seem tough, but you can't just ignore the pain or try to pretend like it doesn't exist. A grieving period shouldn't last for too long, though. At some point, such grief turns into self-pity and self-loathing. It's important to eventually realize that you've got to move on and return back to normal life. It's never easy, though.
  6. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    For me the best way to deal with loss, is to stay busy and never be alone. When you sit there alone you tend to think tooo much, and that's when depression sets in. Also you should try and stay busy with some kind of activity. Go wash your car of clean the house. When you sit in one area to long, you will start thinking again.
  7. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    I would say just accept that whatever feeling you are having real and OK. Every single person grieves differently. If you are not feeling the way someone else felt in that situation, that's OK, you are you, you have a different personality. Try to get back into regular life activities as soon as possible, taking it slow if needed, but reconnect with your friends, go back to the activities you enjoyed. It helps you feel more normal to be back doing normal things, even if the first few time back feel totally weird.
  8. shandrum

    shandrum Member

    The true saying that time heals all wounds is one that I know to be true. But, you never forget. Years ago, my family faced that worst tragedy that we have ever had to face. It is a pain that still ceases to exist and we have learned to live with it and except it as it is. It's been 13 years and it will always remain at the pit of our hearts, but we push forward. My tips for grief would be to own it and accept it- cry your tears and do not hold it in. My dad held it in for nine years before he allowed himself to release and just talk to someone- after nine years, he did not realize that the pain was the root of many of his other problems that surfaced in his life, which affected him more than he knew. So, make sure you have a good support system that can understand what you are going through. Now, today, we are able to celebrate the memories that we hold dear.
    Whataride likes this.
  9. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    When I was grieving because of the loss of a loved one, I cry as much as I could and as much as I want. That helps me somewhat release the pain inside and I also tell what I feel to my friends who I feel can really understand me. It will also help that there will be someone whom you can share all your thoughts and feelings. Also praying will give hope that it will be a better day tomorrow.
  10. springbreeze

    springbreeze Active Contributor

    I've lost many people in my family over the years. And if there is one thing I've learned, time does heal. I'm not sure if it's the best way since it takes several years to happen. But it is certainly the most effective.
  11. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    Everyone has a different way of dealing with grief. I, for example, am a very emotional person and can only cope with loss by directly confronting it. I need to revisit the places that remind me of the person or animal that I have lost. I need to touch the things that belonged to them and listen to the music that we enjoyed together. I also need to recreate certain situations in my mind that remind me of times when I hurt them or let them down in some way. This process can take a long time, but after I while I begin to accept things better, and I can slowly let my loved one just "be" again.
  12. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    The best advice I can give, and have used, is to deal with it. To recognize that it's natural, no matter how it makes you feel, and that you own it. Feelings rarely "go away" without being dealt with on some level. Being honest with oneself when it comes to grief is important.
  13. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I think the best way is to just acknowledge that there is loss because denying it would only delay recovery. Also keeping busy is a good strategy because getting any semblance of normalcy during tumultuous times is very helpful. It's also best to surround yourself with people who are going through the same thing so you have someone to share your thoughts with and have them understand you completely.
  14. adfnio

    adfnio Community Champion

    We've all loss someone that was close to us. I use to turn to alcohol to numb the pain. But that never solves anything. I tend to now think that to honor them, I will look at the good times that we shared and laugh. I think that's the way they wanted to be remembered. The good times and not th sorrow. That's my take on it and how I deal with it. Knowing that they are not suffering helps also.
  15. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think that you should never bottle up your emotions when you are grieving, because it will only add up to the heavy and depressed feeling that you are experiencing. You must find someone to talk to and vent about it. Also, it's ok to go through the process of denial, since I read that it is quite natural to feel that way. Praying to God can help too.
  16. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    I personally shut myself off from the world and don't let anyone come near me. I like dealing with grief in solitude. No-one should bother me or try to console me; I will eventually get over it after a sufficient amount of time has passed. In actuality, it's up to the individual how he chooses to face his problems. That's just the way I handle them.
  17. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    It's important to let everyone deal and process in their own unique way. If they need support, support them. However, if they need time to reflect and deal on their own, that's OK too. It's tough because everyone deals in their own way. The best thing is to be available but not hovering over their every move.
  18. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    People here may have already shared the same thought but grief is not something you can fight off squarely. For as long as we exist here in on earth, there will always be grief. No matter how careful we are, one way or another, someone or something will hurt us. The more you fight and deny it, the deeper the void becomes. So my only tip is to surrender to grief. Cry, bawl, get angry or scream in agony if you must, but it'll be easier to recover after you surrender to it. Time will ensure that you do.
    Nick W. likes this.
  19. bavinnie

    bavinnie Member

    Well something to remember is that grief and loss are things that are unique in their nature every time in their own right and then additionally they effect people differently making these situations very unique and tough to deal with, the only absolute about grief is that it WILL take over your life if you try to fight it away or suppress it, it may not even be obvious that it is impacting you negatively until it all builds up. The best thing you can do is face the way it is effecting you head and let it pass in whatever way you need. Personally, I like to work out and spar it's revitalizing, I let all of my emotions go at least for the moment in time
    kassie1234 likes this.
  20. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    For me, and the losses I've experienced in life, time has been the biggest healer. Sounds cliched, I know -- but it's what has worked for me. I think also, remembering positive memories of a loved one that has passed also helps ease the pain. It allows the spirit of that person to live on through recollections of fun times and doesn't make their passing seem as painful.