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Tips on Talking to Teens

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by Nick W., Nov 3, 2014.

  1. LoyalServant

    LoyalServant Member

    Those are some great pointers, thank you for sharing them with us. I would also argue that the time and place for this "talk" is crucial. Depending on the kind of day your teen is having, choosing an other moment to discuss these touchy subjects may be your best bet.

    Having open questions that are not directly pointed towards them is also spot on! Who would want to start a conversation with someone who is accusing you right off the bat?
    Nice thread,
  2. c9h2ua

    c9h2ua Member

    I am a teen and I think the tips are really good, but they may not work all the time. That's because teens are emotional and their thoughts are changing all the time, so those tips may not suitable for all teens. I think the best way to talk to a teen is trying to treat him as a friend, but don't let him think that your care is fake. I think this may help draw the relationship between you and the teen closer.
    Nick W. likes this.
  3. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    I always get wary of teens & parents that have a "friend" relationship. Of course I understand that teens need their independence, and they need to make mistakes, and learn from them, but a parent is there to guide, not to agree blindly, or to just be a "friend". I think the best parenting happens when genuine communication happens, but the parents that know how to draw a line in the sand and stick to their core rules and values, they always come out ahead.
  4. cassiesevans

    cassiesevans Member

    I know when I was younger I hated feeling 'talked at.' I still hate being in conversations with my parents in which it seems as if no one understands what the other is feeling, and no one is making an attempt to fix it. Each relationship is different, so the approach would have to be catered to each teenager, but these are excellent points. No parent is going to get anywhere by lecturing.
  5. mikeqin

    mikeqin Member

    Yeah, these tips are very useful,thanks so much:)
  6. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    This is true Nick. Using language that is not accusing a teen of something is the best way. Finding out their opinion about drugs or alcohol is right. See how they really feel.
    The self determinism is a really important one to let them have. Letting them make their own choices with simple things that they do and also the bigger responsibilities. Nine times out of ten they are smarter than the parents and this is part of the poor dynamic. The parent doesn't like it the teen doesn't want to hear it. Letting them be themselves and intelligent in their own right. A parent should be happy if their teen is smarter than them, of course it is a threat though. The tendency is to suppress them. This is a whole other issue.
  7. s2chenrn

    s2chenrn Member

    Of course, the best way to do that is to communicate with your teen. Try to open up with them as much as possible so that they will not feel alone.
  8. JennyHeart

    JennyHeart Member

    I would first try to put myself in their shoes. Try to feel the peer pressure they are under and validate their fears of not fitting in. Then, once they feel you care enough to understand there helplessness. You could suggest going to counseling with them, and later talk at home each day about the helpful information from their counselor. This is not a cure all, or to treat as the only means of help; however it does help to try to hear their concerns about life and their fears.
  9. pintbean

    pintbean Active Contributor

    I am so happy to read such great advice. I have always wanted to have a clear communication with my 15 year old sister about important things. I know that I can bridge the gap between her and my parents seeing as I am closer in age with her. My worries are that I wish I had the chance to teach her, explain to her, warn her about so many things in life but I can't mostly because I can never remember when I am not with her and because I know that she has to go through her journey and just use the information that is given to her by her family. I hope I can at least soften the blows that adulthood can give her as she grows to make a life for herself.
  10. Mackmax

    Mackmax Active Contributor

    These are all absolutely great tips!
    I'm 20, so I definitely are very close to teens and age and mentality, and I can certainly say that all 3 of those are very effective. I remember I was an angsty little teenager too, lol.
    Teens can be difficult to talk to, but remember that even though you might not think so, you acted the exact same way when you were their age. Be patient, and remember that teens are in their own little world. If you can put yourself in their world, and "think like a teen", you will see where they're coming from and will be better off relating to them, and they'll feel more comfortable relating to you, as well.
  11. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    I think that most of the times the problems from teenagers are created by their parents, so yeah, learning how to talk is something really important.
  12. 003

    003 Community Champion

    First, to make the teen not to feel like your being didactic, you'd have to talk to him the way you'd be a friend to him. You'd be ready to listen to him and accept him for whatever that the does without shying away from giving your advice about his acts. It's also important that you make a strong relationship first with the teen. It's important that he feels like you are the same. So when you give your advice to tell him that he's wrong of what he did, or at least as you have seen it, then he might think somehow that probably it's wrong after all. Influence the teen by becoming his compatriot, not by becoming superior to him.
  13. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    I agree with that 003, the way we talk like Nick has been saying along the thread is really important, if we don't talk in the right way we won't even be listened to.