I really dnt knw what else to say. I've been addicted since 2006. I've been in and out of jail, rehabs, and have started stealing for my addiction. I've NEVER been so ashamed of myself. I've always manipulated and lied, but never stolen. I would say I am definitely a functioning addict. I've been married to my husband for 10 years this July. I don't deserve him nor does he deserve this kind of life. I've always worked until this past year. I can't find a job. I Will say I want to work but winder sometimes if its because I only want the money for my addiction. A little over 3 years ago my husband and I were truly homeless. I lost everything over my addiction. Why I didn't lose my husband is only by the Grace of God!!! I have no insurance...if course but I need rehab so bad. I live in NC and I do have family. They won't help but so much because they see it s enabling me. Which I'm sure is true. My mother was an alcoholic and was addicted to pain pills. Notice u say...WAS!! She died in her sleep 20 years ago this past March. Some days I wish I could die because I am so tired if this life but scared to death if being sick and failing. Any words if comfort out there for me?? I've never truly wanted to stop until the past year, but I am so ready. I feel I have no will power whatsoever! HELP.