An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or


Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Mattie, Apr 17, 2016.

  1. Mattie

    Mattie Member

    I really dnt knw what else to say. I've been addicted since 2006. I've been in and out of jail, rehabs, and have started stealing for my addiction. I've NEVER been so ashamed of myself. I've always manipulated and lied, but never stolen. I would say I am definitely a functioning addict. I've been married to my husband for 10 years this July. I don't deserve him nor does he deserve this kind of life. I've always worked until this past year. I can't find a job. I Will say I want to work but winder sometimes if its because I only want the money for my addiction. A little over 3 years ago my husband and I were truly homeless. I lost everything over my addiction. Why I didn't lose my husband is only by the Grace of God!!! I have no insurance...if course but I need rehab so bad. I live in NC and I do have family. They won't help but so much because they see it s enabling me. Which I'm sure is true. My mother was an alcoholic and was addicted to pain pills. Notice u say...WAS!! She died in her sleep 20 years ago this past March. Some days I wish I could die because I am so tired if this life but scared to death if being sick and failing. Any words if comfort out there for me?? I've never truly wanted to stop until the past year, but I am so ready. I feel I have no will power whatsoever! HELP.
  2. FenWoFon

    FenWoFon Active Contributor

    Maybe that thing you call Grace of god is just that your husband is definitely lost in love with you and he does not want your relationship to be broken or anything like that, it is always good to have someone by your side that supports you and you really know he loves you and he would prefer you over anything in this world, you should go to wherever the fu** he is and hug him as hard as you can, tell him how much you love him and tell him the things you would do for him and you will see the difference, you will be somebody new after that, try it and tell me how it was.
  3. LoveEcho

    LoveEcho Community Champion

    I'm so sorry about your troubles. You said you need rehab but don't have insurance... well, I have some good news for you! You need insurance to go to rehab. There are tons of free rehabs all across the country.

    Please, visit this site:

    Get yourself into rehab and change your life for the better.

    I wish you many wonderful things and hope life turns around for you. God bless!
  4. Fyrion

    Fyrion Active Contributor

    Hi. Did you asked your husband why He keeps on with you and still supporting you? Maybe He sees in you a virtue that you don't recognize. Also why your mother was alcoholic and addicted to painkillers? Why do you got addicted in 2006?. Please If yo can tell us more, go ahead.
  5. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    Hi @Mattie I feel your pain and the only thing that can help is rehab. You need professional help and I hope you get it fast. I do not wish you die; but live to be clean, sober and be able to tell your story.

    Hang in there, you'll be fine.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Mattie... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm sorry you're struggling, but you've taken a courageous first step by coming here. Now you just have to keep taking steps in the direction of recovery.

    I'm quite sure that residential rehab would be a great thing for you. If for some reason you don't want to explore that option, at the very least please consider seeing an addiction specialist. They can assess your situation and recommend the best course of treatment for you.

    We are here to help and support you any way we can as you embark on your journey to a better, healthier life. So please remember to reach out and lean on us anytime you need to. We truly care.

    Sending you peace and hugs. You can do this, my friend.
  7. bhu

    bhu Active Contributor

    Hello and welcome @Mattie. You're in the right place. Thanks so much for sharing your story. You made the right first move, getting your butt in here, seeking help. Now you need to carry that intention forward a bit more. You have so many options available to you. Given your present situation, I would recommend starting with 12 step groups, like NA or AA. Just look up the group name and number. Dial it, don't file it. Call to find the meetings nearest you. There usually hourly meetings around the clock in most major cities and suburbs. Then get yourself over there. The meetings are absolutely free. When you can, throw a dollar in the basket, but there's no obligation whatsoever. Just go. It's a great next step towards a healthy, happy life for you and your husband. Keep us posted on how you're doing.
    MrsJones likes this.
  8. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    Hi @Mattie. I'm so sorry to hear about what's happening to you right now. It's really hard when we are battling with an addiction but I think that you still have something to be thankful for. And that is your husband who stuck by you through thick and thin. I know that he loves you and he also wants you to get better. So do it. Not just for him, but most importantly for you.

    I really do hope that you will be able to enter rehab. I wish you all the best. Take care.
  9. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    There could be free rehabs or institutions that you might find and will be able to help you. Also maybe there are organizations whether religious or non government that are willing to help persons with addiction problems. It is important to be motivated in reaching a goal.
  10. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Please seek professional help, if you are ready to try rehab then do it. I'm glad that you have made this decision and have decided to change. This is the first step, the next is drawing your action plan and act on it. We will be here in case you need support and someone to talk to, whatever you need :) We are just a click away!
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Mattie... How are things going? Let us know when you get a chance. We all care about you. You are not alone, my friend.
  12. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    I think there are places where you can get help for free. You just have to do research online. The only thing is if there isn't a free rehab in your area you may have to go further away from where you live. Good luck with recovery @LoveEcho seems to have a pretty good idea.
  13. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    It sounds rough Mattie. You could call the 800 number at the top of the page and ask for assistance or your local mental health agency could help you as well. It is just one of the things you may wish to investigate. It must be Hell living the way you are living. It might take some time but I am sure you can find a way out of this. Peace and God Bless!
  14. Bozz

    Bozz Active Contributor

    You're posting here - you have some strength and power in you.
    Do you want to be the woman your husband deserves? What do you have to do to be that image you have in your head?
    You have gone through the mill with your mum and her addictions, you're not weak, just suffering and not recovering.

    Other than not having an addiction, what else in your life would you want changed? Losing an emotion or memory? Gaining something? Being somewhere else? being someone else?

    What's wrong? we're here to listen :)

    You can do and acheive anything so don't give up.
    I hope you check back soon @Mattie :)
  15. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    @Mattie Hello and thank you for sharing your story with us here in this forum. First, I want you to know that life is beautiful and don't say that you are tired already of your life that God had given you. In fact you are lucky that you had a supportive husband who is still there for you despite you are struggling from addiction. If you really want to change your life for the better go on and have yourself to be rehab and it is not too late for there are still better days to come into your life. Show to your husband that you can change your life and give back the love and care that he did to you. I know you can do it and keep fighting for yourself and keep that strong faith in your heart. And trust God and He will never fail you. All the best to you!