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Torn apart..

Discussion in 'Marijuana' started by ambernw, Oct 9, 2014.

  1. ambernw

    ambernw Member

    I grew up in an abusive household (me and my brother were not abused, but my father hit my mother) and my parents fought ALOT when I was growing up. At the time I was very young, most of it was elementary school years. My mom was always the straight one, getting up, getting us to school, going to work, picking us up from after school care, making dinner and getting us to bed. Knowing now that I'm older and have had talks with her, she was also smoking weed the entire time but keeping it away from us, which is why I have my opinions on marijuana that I do (I believe some people can pick up a habit from it and it can be harmful to others, but to myself and my mother this is not the case.), but that's beside the point. My father would come home to come down basically. He'd go out, party, stay gone a few days, then come home and be nasty and rude to my mother and us. Eventually my mom got tired of it and moved us away from him, but he always somehow knew how to find us and would harass my mother until he found his new girlfriend that was also on drugs so it worked perfectly for him. I wouldn't hear from him for years at a time, and now he pops up sometimes and talks to me for months at a time, only to turn around and I won't hear from him another year or so until he needs something. Mine and my father's relationship now that I am grown up is kind of complicated. We talk and joke around and he tells me stories from back in his day, and we have good times. But I also know that he is still probably doing drugs behind my back and not telling me, and that is fine. I have learned you cannot help someone that doesn't want it so I leave it at that. I did tell him he does not have the right to be high in front of me and I will know and it will completely erase any trace of respect I have for him (even though my level of respect is more that of a friend than a father). Our relationship feels more like an old friendship, not a father-daughter relationship so that kind of takes a toll on me sometimes. I also got my addictive personality from my father so I think we have a bond on that side of things. When he heard of me and my own drug problems, he kept saying it couldn't have possibly been because I grew up around a druggie myself. I do believe it is in my blood (the personality of it at least) so I was bound to be this way. But unlike him, I know the skills now to overcome it and be the person I am today. It's just sad to me how bad drugs (meth being his drug of choice) can effect someone's life for so long. It's almost like he is too far gone to even call back. And it saddens me sometimes.

    I'm sorry if this was a long read, and it was kind of all over the place. I am just typing how it comes to my mind. I am not actively looking for advice or anything, just wanted to get my own story out there because it was on my mind all night so I had to let it out somewhere.

    Thank you to those who took the time to read this. Much love to you all.
    Denise and Determined2014 like this.
  2. maryannballeras

    maryannballeras Senior Contributor

    It might have been a long read, but it's all worth it. You're correct -- drugs can really affect people in drastic ways and I'm glad that you are in control and you know how to handle yourself. Thank you so much for posting this, I've learned a lot.
  3. geegee

    geegee Active Contributor

    Thank you for sharing your story! It was worth the read. I'm glad you got that off your chest. It sounds like a tough situation but the important thing is that you've gotten important life lessons out of it. I hope your father realizes the effect of his addiction on you. I think it would be good to own up to the effects so that he can learn from it too.
  4. Jen S.

    Jen S. Guest

    Thanks so much for sharing.
  5. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    I grew up in a house filled with drugs and alcohol. Both parent were users. At first it was alcohol and weed, then eventually Meth was the final drug of choice. When that drug has you, it has a very firm grip. My parent and their friends wouldn't have a care in the world and would do it in front us kids. We saw it so much that is was almost normal.

    It was bad man. They would rather spend their money on drugs then buy food for the house. I remember the electricity being turned off several times, because drugs came first.

    As I've said in an other thread, I dabbled into alcohol, but I've never touched Meth and I never will.
  6. jbepp

    jbepp Active Contributor

    Thank for sharing your history.
    It's always nice to get things off your chest and not let them take over you. Just be happy that you got out of that situationist and that you learned may lessons. I hope your father realizes just how much damage he's done to you.
  7. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    Well done for sharing your story and it sounds like your home life was no picnic as it is not pleasant growing up that way.
    Your dad is probably still doing drugs and he will not stop unless someone can get him help but it sounds as though he is on a path of his own and you owe it to yourself to live a free and happy and loved life after the stress and hurt you must have felt during your youth.
    Good for you! For getting over the drugs and keep it that way because you deserve a life thats good and you need your eyes open to experience it.
  8. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    It's okay to share your story. Letting it out makes you feel better. And your story sure serves as a lesson to anyone here who is in similar situation or who may have families and friends experiencing the same circumstances. I never got tired reading it. It was worth my time.
  9. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Thanks too Joshposh for sharing. At least, you got the decency to not even touch it knowing it did you and your parents bad through and through. My brother in law also got addicted to Meth. But when he finally got called back for a job he liked so much, he stayed away from it as it would ruin his chances of getting the job. Until now, he is on board the ship, has gone home several times and is in perfect health.
  10. Determined2014

    Determined2014 Senior Contributor

    Thank you for posting this, I am glad that you and your brother were able to pull through this whole thing, it is very encouraging.
  11. allswl

    allswl Member

    Thanks for sharing. You have done well to take control of your life and I understand your situation having grown up with an alcoholic father. Its difficult for many people to understand much less believe that marijuana is a gateways drug and in my view remain illegal or under some degree of control. Once someone has an addiction it tends to take over their lives very quickly.
  12. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    Your story sounds like my own in a way. It is very sad that any child has to grow up this way. It sounds as you have come to terms with it. I know it's a hard thing to deal it also makes us stronger for have gone through it.
  13. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    Thank you for sharing this story. I grew up in a typical nuclear household, but my best friend on the other hand was much worse off. Her mother was hooked on meth and would leave for days at a time. My family took in my best friend when things were not going good at her house so that she could at least have a little stablility. She grew up to be the best mom imaginable. Things could have turned out so much worse for her, but she took the right path and has a healthy life.
  14. elles-belles

    elles-belles Community Champion

    I commend you for having pulled yourself out of what could have been a potentially messy situation. You sound like a well rounded individual and your story really is exemplary to us all.
    Thanks for the share and keep at it. All the best with your relationship with your father!
  15. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    You're one in a million.Not many in your shoes would find it in themselves to forgive such a father who messed up your childhood and affected your whole family.That you're even on talking terms is equally commendable.Am glad that your recovery is doing well and i hope that you continue on this positive path as the future surely looks bright.
  16. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    Wow! That's really impressing and touching. Thanks for sharing this, it was worth reading. Best wishes!
  17. kwoodard902

    kwoodard902 Member

    I grew up about the same way you did. It's no fun but I can say it made me who I am today. I am drug free and abuse free. I didn't think I would amount to anything in life but I amount to more than I could ever imagine I would. I have three beautiful children and I'm a great loving mother and wife. It's up to you to decide who you are going to be. Glad you made it through to!!
  18. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    I am sorry you had to grow up with a drug and alcohol addicted father, but it looks like your mother raised you right. I also never really had my dad around once my mom left him and feel like we have more of a friendship than a daughter/father relationship.
    Congratulations on your sobriety and good luck!