sometimes we can be a pain in the as$ to our loved ones. i know i was to my family. for a good ten years not only an emotional pain but a financial pain and quite litteraly a health risk to my aging grandparents. how i wish i could take that back... i never said goodbye to my grandfather because i was too ashamed of my constant relapsing to go to the hospital and speak to him. i had fully planned on doing it when i came down, but he passed the night before i was going to go. like i said ohh how i wish i could take some stuff back. i have a friend in florida that i recently posted about that i had suspitions about using a couple days ago when i celebrated my 18 months. the reason i had my suspitions is because when i called him to tell him right after i posted on line here, he answered the phone with "i'll ppick you up over the weekend and drive you back if you by the beer.". i told him how un-funny this was and when he realized why i called the subject changed immediately and he denied using. well now he calls me and asks if i would like i could come and stay at his place for a few days and he will take me and my son to a few nice spots and eat out go to the beach and stuff-if i put a clutch in his work truck. he doesn't have the money to pay someone because he lost his job a week or two ago.. he can't really remember what happened it was no big deal- yeah ok. offer declined. i litterally have written everyone off. BECAUSE>>>they express no desire to get sober and clean. i have been INPATIENT 13 TIMES!!!!!! that's a little over 90,000 dollars. i would know. my mom kept very good track of it over the years. but now my debt is totally forgiven. 13th time was a charm and as far as she's concerned that is well worth 90,000 dollars. that's love. i have that same love for a very few people that i still hold out hope for. and i will NEVER write off someone no matter how many times they relapse if i can tell they want to be clean. simply because i have been there. 13 times...my parents were never gonna give up. i see now that they would have rather gone broke and have me live than give up on me. i'll just stop with this- i am Truely concerned that another friend of mine has relpased. i'm not sure because they will not get in touch with me. my friend has my number. i wish they would call me. at least let me know they are ok. people-- like i said a day or two ago there is someone out there that loves you and cares. if you are relapsing i don't care how many times, just let your friends and family know you are ok.