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Trying to be better but scared.

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Londonlady, Jan 19, 2020.

  1. Londonlady

    Londonlady Member

    I was addicted through pregnancy to cocaine and alcohol and was in an abusive relationship.social services involved...my daughter is now almost 4 months old and since having her ive m0ved away from abusive partner but I've used coke around 6 times since her birth and havent used in 6 weeks.Theyhave taken a 6 month hair sample from me and im afraid i will loose my daughter, I've been honest about my drug use and im engaging with services but I'm so anxious about what the outcome will be that using keeps coming to mind...any thoughts? Or tips?
  2. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    This one is especially tough for me because I have an 8 year old sister who is adopted from a drug using parent.I apologize I can't respond without bias and I've never had to say that.I pray your love for your daughter destroys the urge for cocaine and you realize soon she cannot be replaced,please seek rehab and or counseling for your benefit and your daughters.

    Stay Strong and God Bless you
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  3. DoxyMom

    DoxyMom Community Champion

    Hello and welcome. I'm assuming from your name you are from the UK and I don't know how things work there but if you show them you are seeking help it will go a long way toward keeping your daughter. You may want to attend cocaine anonymous they can help you with fighting those cravings. Try keeping in mind your daughter every time you get them. Better yet go look at her, pick her up and imagine how it would be if they took her away. You were strong enough to get out of that relationship. You are strong enough for this too.
  4. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    3 years off of heroin.opiods are the one drug I cannot stop. I know the next use will kill me. And honestly what kept me from loading the needle I was holding last week with fentanyl was my son.
    If you think about looking your daughter then want to use it makes me wonder if you've been without her before...
    I have my son. Two years, and 3 I don't remember(thank God he doesn't remember MOST of them also) most of.
    My son has had to administer narcan to me on his 7th birthday. I know what its like to loose a child, and my ex wife and I lost our baby extremely late in the pregnancy.
    But now I have my son. And I have full custody. And if his hug isn't more warming than a shot of dope then I'm not human. My advice will come after a question. And I'm so glad your here for support. All those times, why not? What stopped you then?
    Davers likes this.
  5. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    I got sober mostly due to Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA) and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings where some AA meetings have childcare. ACoA helped me a lot re: abuse, due to me being abuse in childhood. This link from ACoA somewhat describes me as I was and virtually anyone that suffers from abuse. https://adultchildren.org/

    I have lived in London West 1 and have an English friend who's very smart. He’s a liaison for ACoA and Alcoholics Anonymous in England. If you live in London or other English towns, he might able to help you get to AA and ACoA. His job allows him a lot of travel, so in the interim, he starts new ACoA and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I can privately (not through this site) get you in touch with him via email.
  6. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    im sorry you suffered through that.
    i mean that from the botttom of my heart. i wish that on noone. you are a strong person to overcome abuse @Bullwinkle.
  7. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Very heart warming @Bullwinkle ,very real,sincere concern...This is awesome
  8. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I apologize for this post as I myself am a drug addict and understand after reading it again.....Not everything is plain and simple. We all get consumed it seems in different ways and it's not always going to be understood. I will pray God helps you find you're way as I pray he helps me find mine,vengeance has consumed me for far to long and I lost sight of everything and everyone while in its grasp.....Lord forgive me for being so blind I couldn't see what was happening.
  9. Davers

    Davers Community Champion

    Dang !
    I don't know what to say except pray that 6 months ago is better in their eyes is better than 6 weeks ago or 6 days ago.
    Nobody's Perfect , 'They' Should work with you.

    It should not matter but i'm wondering do you smoke or snort?
    Best Wishes Truly.
  10. Davers

    Davers Community Champion

    Since we have not heard back from londonlady , I pray it all went the way 'it should have for the child & her mother.