I've been struggling for about 2 weeks now. I'm new here but have to try to get some answers. I married my husband 10 years ago. I've only lived with him for about 3 months the entire 10 years, but he's had a grip on me the entire time. I've always loved him. Still do. The first 5 years were roller-coaster. Mean abusive controlling. He would even hold me down and has choked me but he would never let me leave him. At the same time- we had great times too. Never felt so special and loved. He had been on Dexadrene. For ADD since college. For 15 years then. About 5 years ago the VA reduced his dosage. I found I no longer had to be afraid of him. That took me about 3 more years to figure out. Since I met him he's lost a high paying job his house everything. Turned to gambling. Has been homeless. Now he's in government housing and for the past 2 years has been smoking meth to make up the difference of the Dex shortage. Has crackheads. For friends. Has told me the whole time he wants a life with me and loves me. I have been waiting on him. Going to stay with him 3-4 times a month. I've always just dreamed of the day he would get his **** together and be ok. About a month ago the. VA said he has a heart issue and they were going to ween him off the Dex. Two weeks ago he calls and says he's tired of living alone and has moved in some younger girl her kid AND her mother. She's a dope head I'm sure. And he says he's done with me that I will always be his best friend but we are done. WTH??. I guess you can imagine what I told him. I am so hurt and can't understand what has happened. I don't use drugs and am not an alcoholic. I guess I'm struggling because I feel like a fool. Has he been just using me for 10 years? Did he ever love me at all? Did I even know him at all? What does meth do to your thinking? Can anyone give me any answers? I am so lost.