An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Trying to cope

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by ByMyself, Oct 10, 2017.

  1. ByMyself

    ByMyself Member

    I've been struggling for about 2 weeks now. I'm new here but have to try to get some answers. I married my husband 10 years ago. I've only lived with him for about 3 months the entire 10 years, but he's had a grip on me the entire time. I've always loved him. Still do. The first 5 years were roller-coaster. Mean abusive controlling. He would even hold me down and has choked me but he would never let me leave him. At the same time- we had great times too. Never felt so special and loved. He had been on Dexadrene. For ADD since college. For 15 years then. About 5 years ago the VA reduced his dosage. I found I no longer had to be afraid of him. That took me about 3 more years to figure out. Since I met him he's lost a high paying job his house everything. Turned to gambling. Has been homeless. Now he's in government housing and for the past 2 years has been smoking meth to make up the difference of the Dex shortage. Has crackheads. For friends. Has told me the whole time he wants a life with me and loves me. I have been waiting on him. Going to stay with him 3-4 times a month. I've always just dreamed of the day he would get his **** together and be ok. About a month ago the. VA said he has a heart issue and they were going to ween him off the Dex. Two weeks ago he calls and says he's tired of living alone and has moved in some younger girl her kid AND her mother. She's a dope head I'm sure. And he says he's done with me that I will always be his best friend but we are done. WTH??. I guess you can imagine what I told him. I am so hurt and can't understand what has happened. I don't use drugs and am not an alcoholic. I guess I'm struggling because I feel like a fool. Has he been just using me for 10 years? Did he ever love me at all? Did I even know him at all? What does meth do to your thinking? Can anyone give me any answers? I am so lost.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @ByMyself... I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through. There's do doubt that loving someone who struggles with addiction is extremely challenging. It's a family disease and it affects so many more than just the addict.

    What I want you to remember is what Nar-Anon and Al-Anon teach us about a loved one's addiction:

    You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

    Those can be tough words to accept, but they are 100 percent true. Your husband is the only one who can take the steps necessary to change his life, and if he's not willing to do that, then you really can't do much about it. It's a hard realization to come to, but it's the truth.

    I would recommend that you start taking really good care of yourself. Self-care is soooo important when you're in a situation like yours. You have to keep reminding yourself that YOUR life matters, too. No matter how much you love this man, you have to take charge of the one life you can control: YOURS. You deserve to live a happy, healthy (physically and emotionally) life, and if your husband and his behavior are preventing you from doing that, then maybe you need to make some tough decisions.

    You should never let your happiness depend on the behavior of someone else. Life is too short for that.

    We're here to help and support you however we can. I also recommend you find an Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or SMART Recovery Family & Friends meeting in your area and check it out. Those groups can be so comforting and therapeutic.

    I am sending you lots of positive vibes, hope, and hugs. Because you deserve all of those things.
    gemini777 likes this.
  3. ByMyself

    ByMyself Member

    Thank u so much. I needed to hear that.
    deanokat likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    You can reach out for support anytime, @ByMyself.

    Remember: YOU are the only person you have control over.
    gemini777 likes this.