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Trying to help

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by Faygo1224, Sep 29, 2015.

  1. Faygo1224

    Faygo1224 Active Contributor

    I've posted on here before about an ex boyfriend of mine who is currently suffering from an opiate addiction. I decided to reach out and give him resources to help him but they were pretty much ignored.

    My question is, how can I get through to him. He is on the verge of doing from his addiction. He's fine a lot to me in the past because of his addictions which is what made me discontinue being in a relationship with him. He's stolen and broken my televisions, mail containing checks, money, jewelry...literally everything. That's when he had to go.

    I still have a soft spot for him and will always love him which is why I continuously try to get him help. I sometimes hope he goes to jail because he won't willingly go to rehab.

    I am just lost and don't know what to do anymore. Be constantly calls and emails me. Should I just leave him be too his vices or continue to try to help him?
    singingintherain likes this.
  2. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I really think that you are enabling him, you should stop having any kind of contact with him, he is a grown man and he needs to face the consequences of his acts. Otherwise he won't learn and he will sink deeper into his vices. Leave him be, you have done everything you could do for him, the rest is up to him.
  3. singingintherain

    singingintherain Community Champion

    I don't feel that you're enabling him - unless you are supplying him with drugs, or the means to get drugs.

    Being supportive by phone and email is okay, as long as it isn't having a negative impact on you. From your description it sounds like contact with him has had a negative impact on you, in regards to his stealing your possessions. Have you reduced the amount of contact you have with him to limit the opportunity he has to steal? If not then I think that would be wise.

    It is really difficult to deal with constant calls/emails though so you need to make a decision for yourself as to how much is too much. It's great to be supportive but at the end of the day he is making his own choices. You could let him know you will be there for him if he wants to make a change, but otherwise you need him to give you space.
  4. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I don't know that you are enabling based on what you shared. You 'left' the relationship but still have a soft spot for the person which I can honestly understand. You say you offer resources and this is good. Sadly the decision to change ultimately rest with him and until he recognises that your efforts will yield little or no success.

    You'll know when you have done enough. Follow your heart without letting him consume you and rob you of your happiness. Sometimes you have to step back and hopefully you will know when that time comes. Stepping back doesn't mean you don't care. It means you need to protect yourself while you still hold on to hope that he will change.
  5. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I get how you are feeling. I recently left my alcoholic boyfriend and I still love him and care a great deal about him..I so desperately want him to get the help that he needs to lead a clean life. I will always be there to support him in any way that I can but I refuse to let him drag me down with him any longer. He needs to do this for himself. You are not enabling him you are being supportive and caring. To me there is a huge difference.
  6. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    You have to do what's best for you first. Thing is you if you exhibit any signs of weakness now, you'll make your boyfriend think that he can wiggle back into your life without having to change. Offer support when he needs it but as for letting him back in, be firm about what you want — you'll have him back only when he has beat his addiction.
  7. KNH

    KNH Active Contributor

    I know you still want to support him, but if he doesnt change and ignores your help there is really nothing you can do. I think that you can continue to support him and encourage him, however if he brings you down or lessens your happiness I dont think he is worth it even though you love him. Sadly sometimes people need to be let go of when they arent good for you :(
  8. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    It's very kind of you to try to help him out, but sadly, we can never really fully help someone if he/she isn't even willing to help himself/herself. You can just probably offer him words of wisdom and encouragement. He may listen to you and realize some things in life. Best of luck.