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Trying to open up

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by kkandori88, Jun 26, 2015.

  1. kkandori88

    kkandori88 Member

    Hello everyone. I thought I would briefly introduce myself. You seem like a very welcoming community.

    My mother and father were both addicts. My father's drug of choice was alcohol, but he quit before I was born. My mother was addicted to Xanax and painkillers.

    My mother died when I was 12 and that's when I first started experimenting. I would drink mouthwash and cough syrup. I would buy over the counter sleeping pills and take 10 at a time. Overall, pretty normal teenage stuff.

    Then my dad died when I was 20. I began drinking heavily to deal with the pain of this. Things started to go downhill.

    When I was 24, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I tried a variety of opiates, from Vicodin to oxycodone. For about 3 months, I was taking around 8 narcotic pills a day. I thought I would have to take more to become addicted. I was wrong.

    I went through agonizing withdrawal, and had never been so depressed in my life. I couldn't sleep and thought seriously of suicide.

    Over 2 years later, I still crave opiates. Nobody in my life knows about any of this. I have kept it hidden, but I can't any longer. I had to tell somebody. Thank you for reading.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  2. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    It's great to hear you are in recovery now. You've been through a lot growing up and it's awesome that you are breaking the cycle of addiction. Good luck and welcome to the forum.
  3. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    You are a very brave warrior. Never ever give up on life, you hear me? NEVER!
    Say this out loud every day : No matter how hard it is or how hard it gets, I'm going to make it!
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @kkandori88... Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing.

    Many people turn to drugs or alcohol to numb bad feelings, so don't be too hard on yourself. The important thing is that you're in recovery now.

    You can come here and ask for support or help anytime. We are here for you. It's so great that you've opened up and let something out that was probably eating you up inside. You should be commended for that.

    I wish you nothing but the best going forward.
  5. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Welcome to our forum and thanks for letting us know how you feel after all that way downhill.

    You must know that you can count on us as nobody is going to judge nor criticize how you life has been. Must of us have struggled with different addictions each, and therefore we can understand you better than anyone else.
  6. kkandori88

    kkandori88 Member

    Thank you all for your super nice replies. I was afraid to post all that...and there's still more I haven't said. But it's such a relief to do that much. Thank you again.
    deanokat likes this.
  7. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi kkandori88 and thank you for sharing 'part' of your story with us. It has to feel great to have in some sense shared your silent journey at last. You are long overdue for the support you will and have received from us. Congratulations on your 2 years of sobriety and remember - One day at a time.
  8. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    “Not feeling is no replacement for reality. Your problems today are still your problems tomorrow”
    ― Larry Michael Dredla

    That's what most drug addicts forget. There are things you can't outrun. Eventually you'll have to stop and must face what you've been trying to run away from. Good thing is you learned this and decided to fight the addiction.

    Congrats for finally turning your back on drugs. Stay strong and the cravings will in time also recede further and further into the past.

    All the best!
  9. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @kkandori88... If you ever feel like sharing the rest of your story, we are here to listen and support you. Don't be afraid to post here. We will not judge you. We're only here to help.
  10. dayyad

    dayyad Member

    Good on you for opening up :). I know that it can be a very hard and painful process but sometimes (I know it sounds so corny) that is the best thing to do. No you have us as a supportive community we can help you in your recovery. Remember there are always people out there in the same boat as you.
  11. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Hi @kkandori88! I’m so glad you were able to find this forum and be able to share your story with us.

    Sometimes opening up about your inner struggles to someone is a great relief. It helps you release the tension you feel inside in a positive way. I’m glad that you were able to find a place to open up to here in this forum.

    What you’ve been through of having to lose both your parents would have been so hard for you. One day you’re going to have to open up to the significant people in your life too. Having an open communication with them would gain you their trust. They might even be able to help and support you with your journey to full recovery. You just have to show them that you have change and that you are willing to continue on with your fight against addiction. If they care for you as much as you care for them, they will understand you. :)
  12. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

    Thanks for sharing! Your are an amazing individual with a great testimony for many to hear! We all go through trials and tribulations in life for the betterment of us all. Addiction seems to be the most prevalent in many of our lives today. Also, I am very sorry about your lost! Just remember you are amazing and God Loves You!
  13. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    You have been through a lot, and I think that you have now reached a point in your life where you desire a real, permanent change. Talking about your life, especially with friendly, open-minded people who have experienced, or are experiencing, similar agonies like yourself, will help you put things into a different perspective. It will give you an increased strength to carry on and overcome obstacles even when the going gets extra tough. Keep up with your great work!
  14. Thank you for sharing your story. I still struggle with random cravings from time to time. The ones that confuse me the most are the ones that come out of nowhere when I'm doing fine. I have been clean for 5 years now though and am in a really good place in life. I hope we can be of some support to each other! Feel free to reach out!
    deanokat likes this.
  15. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @kkandori88... Just wondering how you've been doing. I think about you often and would love it if you'd check in with us and give us an update. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  16. Bezcampz

    Bezcampz Member

    Thank you for sharing your story and congratulations to your recovery. Glad that at last you opt to open up. Let be assured, we are here for you and support you all the way. You'll never be alone again in your journey towards full recovery.

    By taking this brave move of sharing your story, you've become an inspiration to many others who've experience the same. Thank you and welcome to our forum.
    deanokat likes this.
  17. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there @kkandori88! :) Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story to us here. Well, first of all, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your parents. That must have been really tough for you. I mean, I couldn't even imagine myself ever losing my parents. That would totally break my heart. Anyway, I am glad to know that in spite of everything that has happened to you, you are still here, hanging in there, and for that, I really admire you. I hope you would still keep working and walking the path towards recovery. ;)
    deanokat likes this.
  18. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum and thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. I am sorry to hear about the rough life you had growing up. No child should have to deal with so much. It is sad that you lost both of your parents are such a young age, my sympathies to you. I am happy to hear that you are recovering now and working on a healthier lifestyle for yourself. Even though you still crave I know you can do this. You have proven that you are a strong person by all the terrible things you have endured in your life. Hang in there and keep coming here to talk. We will always be here for you!
    deanokat likes this.
  19. S24

    S24 Member

    It is incredibly brave and courageous of you to share your story. I think that if and when you are ready, you should try and open up to a person whom you are close with and trust. It may open many doors for you because fighting an addiction requires a good support system. Keep fighting and don't give up! You are stronger than your addiction.
    deanokat likes this.
  20. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @kkandori88... Let us know how you are doing. Keeping good thoughts for you.
    S24 likes this.