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Unfriended after giving advice

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Friend' started by 003, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. 003

    003 Community Champion

    I have a friend who's really concern of his friend. And because of his concern that she takes parts herself of drastic ways to help her friend like scolding him directly. And because she's far way very stubborn, her friend got mad at her saying that if she can't accept her, then it'd best that they act like they never knew each other. My friend keeps on believing that it couldn't have happened. It's only because that her friend was under the influence of drugs.
  2. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    A lesson everyone should learn. If you must offer advice then don't give it like you are so much better than the addict. Don't patronize them because they'll hate you for that.
    Ask her to apologize. What's the worst thing that can happen? Being snubbed. But she'd at least have made an effort to make things right.
  3. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Hard to deal with such kind of friend and I think that if they are really friends, they could become okay with each other again after some time. There are just times that friends are getting mad with each other or have disputes but that could still be settled if they are real friends. Better for her to give advice and try not to be rude and keep in touch with her friend.
  4. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Friends are supposed to be there for each other,through the good and bad times. If my friend takes a path that am not cool with, i tell him politely without sounding judgmental and in a manner that shows concern. It would be better for me if i tell him my concerns rather than to keep quite and regret later.
  5. Jumcakes

    Jumcakes Member

    It is quite difficult to give advice to a friend who is at time stubborn. Sometimes it is worth getting a reliable third party involved (family or another close friend) if you don't think they will be able to connect with you by yourself but as people have mentioned, any action is better than resting on your laurels and doing nothing.
  6. matt1rl

    matt1rl Member

    I read a philosophy once that said a person who is a heavy addict and using a drug a lot essentially becomes that drug, in the sense that they are always in that high. The mind is always thinking about the drug, therefore all your actions revolve around it. I have heard stories about people with sober time and everyone always has regrets about the time they spent high. Relationships ruined, friends lost, money spent, and so on. It is a hard and long battle.
  7. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    This has happened to me before. You give them advice and you tell them how much you're there for them, and instead of taking the love and help and support from you they push you away instead. It's really unfortunate for something like this to happen, but what I always do is just try to be there for that person if they change their mind and decide that they do need your help.
  8. gmckee1985

    gmckee1985 Senior Contributor

    This is not an uncommon situation. Often times an addict pushes away people who ate trying to help. Its just a coping mechanism. Sometimes people just dont want to hear the advice you have to give them. I know its tough sometimes you just have to move on and hope they come around.
  9. OhioTom76

    OhioTom76 Senior Contributor

    She should have also taken into consideration how frequently she was scolding and harassing her other friend about it. That's like walking up to someone and making remarks about them being fat - not only is it a touchy subject, but you can't just change overnight or in a few days. So there is no point in giving them grief constantly, even if they did decide personally to start some long term efforts to better themselves. Sometimes people need to step down off their self righteous soap boxes and back off.
    kjonesm1 likes this.
  10. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    I think the friend must have taken the advice as nagging and has had enough. I'm sure she's only too aware of her issues and but isn't ready to change things yet. You can't keep going on at people, it will only push them away.
  11. Rowe992

    Rowe992 Senior Contributor

    Well giving advice to a person who is addicted to drugs may not be the best thing to do. You have to make them want to change their lifestyle and they themselves must be willing to change for the better. Make them see the dangers and the problems that drug use has caused and seek professional help for them.
  12. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    The first thing to do would be asking for forgiveness. Your friend should apologize to that person because intentionally or not, he/she have hurt his/her feelings.
  13. RingoBerry

    RingoBerry Senior Contributor

    Your friend can take pride on the fact that she did everything she possibly could to help out her friend regardless the risks to herself. I think regret knowing that she could have done something more or said something else that could have probably helped and yet you didn't. Your friend's dilemma right right now may not be good but it could have been worse. The best thing she can do is to be patient, her friend will one day realize that he or she needs help.
  14. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    You certainly can't force anyone to do anything they don't want to. When you are constantly nagging somebody, they are going to distance themselves. No matter how good the intention is, you're nagging friend should have expected it.
  15. KNH

    KNH Active Contributor

    I agree. I guess it just gets to a point where the person may get much too agitated with the nagging and wants to cut ties anyway.
    kjonesm1 likes this.
  16. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I don't think scolding is the best way to go about it. I bet that if we looked at that friend's life then we'd find out she isn't as perfect as she thinks herself to be. We are all confused in life sometimes and just because we don't abuse substances doesn't mean we don't have faults that are equal to it in other parts of our lives.
  17. p4lse

    p4lse Member

    I think its best that your friend got unfriended. That person would do drugs with or without the influence of your friend. There is no point giving advice to such a person anyway.