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Vodka- The bane of my existence

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Wordsmith75, Aug 29, 2015.

  1. Wordsmith75

    Wordsmith75 Member

    Hi everybody my name is KJ and I am a chronic alcohol relapser. I'm here to hopefully find a network of people that can offer support. My last drink was on Thursday 8/27/15 and I had a pretty strong urge today. It's Saturday, the weather is beautiful and a craving came upon me. So.. what to do? I kept saying "NO" and reminding myself that this was the "Beast" trying to get to me. Quite frankly, nowadays when I do drink, it's not like it's even working anymore, it's a waste of money and it's cost me greatly in all kinds of ways.

    I'm done!! And yes I've said that numerous times before but I don't know it feels different. I have tried AA and while it works for some, I can honestly say I gave it a shot but found that some of the dogma wasn't for me. I'm open to alternative methods and invite anybody who has suggestions. I look forward to being active in this community and exchanging ideas and most importantly.. staying sober.

    Thanks
    greybird29 and jeremy2 like this.
  2. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Welcome to the group. The fact that you came seeking seeking advice and support is a big step in the right direction. I may not be the right person to give advice because I am dealing with an addicted spouse but there are a lot people on here who have been in your shoes. People wbo know your struggles and I am sure they will have some great advice for you. You got this, hang in there and never stop believing in yourself.
    Wordsmith75 and deanokat like this.
  3. Jamesbonner

    Jamesbonner Active Contributor

    Hey man and welcome with us :) you are very luck person because you was able to say no to the beast, and you are right, we are all here to support you, you made the good decision, and keep working on releasing it :) may god helps you ;)
    Wordsmith75 and deanokat like this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Wordsmith75... It's great that you've decided to get sober, KJ!

    AA works for a lot of people, but it also isn't a good fit for a lot of people. There's nothing wrong with that. There is no "one size fits all" plan for recovery.

    Have you ever heard of SMART Recovery? It's a 12-step program alternative, and I now a lot of people who have had great success with it. You can check on their website to see if they have any meetings in your area.

    They use a "4-Point Plan," which is:

    Our 4-Point Program
    The SMART Recovery 4-Point Program offers tools and techniques for each program point:

    1: Building and Maintaining Motivation
    2: Coping with Urges
    3: Managing Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors
    4: Living a Balanced Life


    In any case, maybe that's a possibility for you? It might be worth checking out.

    We are here to help and support you any way we can, my friend. Sobriety takes a lot of work, but it's so incredibly worth it. I'm glad you've decided to try again. Keep doing the next right thing!

    greybird29 and Wordsmith75 like this.
  5. Wordsmith75

    Wordsmith75 Member

    Thank you so much. I only (try) to speak for myself when I say that alcohol/addiction is a very selfish disease and those (like yourself) are put through hell. It takes so much from the addict and unfortunately those we love are affected in devastating ways.

    Its great that your here and with all due respect, I think that you have an immense amount to offer people here. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and also for the kind words and encouragement.
    greybird29 and Winterybella like this.
  6. Wordsmith75

    Wordsmith75 Member

  7. Wordsmith75

    Wordsmith75 Member

    Thanks so much, I appreciate your support, It looks like you have a little special person (profile pic) who must help you along on your path. Yeah "the Beast" is pretty vicious and can come out of nowhere at anytime but I know that from past stretches of sobriety, it does get easier per se, although sometimes that can make it more devious because that's when your guard is down.
    Anyway, thanks for the response and the encouragement.
    deanokat likes this.
  8. Wordsmith75

    Wordsmith75 Member

    Thank you and yes I have been investigating alternatives and funny you mention it, SMART is in the top two along with Rational Recovery. I would never bash AA or any other program that works for people but like you said it isn't a one size fits all type of thing.

    For me, programs like SMART just fit better with my beliefs and well.. seems like something that is more aligned with my philosophy.
    Your detailed response and website link is awesome and much appreciated. Thanks for the advice and encouraging words.
    All the best.
    deanokat likes this.
  9. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

  10. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I'm just along to say welcome although we might have met in another thread. I am sure you will find this community to be A+. You are in the company of people who only want to see you succeed. I read in another post you were at day 4 of recovery so by now you might be many more days sober. Whatever the case, just know we will give you all the support we can.
    deanokat likes this.
  11. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    I am really glad you came here and I think you will find this forum supportive and helpful. It is not a place of judgment but one that is open to people wanting to better their life, and make their problems with addiction a thing of the place. It is also a forum that is very interesting and you can learn about addictive substances and their effects on people, and how other people have remained sober.
    deanokat likes this.
  12. jbepp

    jbepp Active Contributor

    You made the right first step by coming here. This forum will help you a lot and will also let you help other with your experience. One of the most important things to recover from an addiction is being able to talk to others about your problems and just communicate all sorts of things. We all want you to succeed and will help you and support you.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    Hopefully almost 2 weeks now and I really hope you are still making it. Fighting an addiction is hard, but the power that we get day after day being clean is the only boost we need!
    deanokat likes this.
  14. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Wordsmith75... Just wondering how you're doing, my friend. If you get a chance, let us know. Sending you positive vibes. :)
    greybird29 likes this.
  15. I know some may take it as something silly, but I'm a believer in prayer and I will pray for you KJ, I know I don't know you but I feel that maybe a little prayer may come in handy. I know we might have different faiths but I have faith that you will stay sober. I believe in you
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  16. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    There's nothing silly about prayer, IMO. :)
    greybird29 likes this.
  17. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Welcome aboard man. After reading through your post, i get this feeling that you're on the right track and that you know what's best for you. I know it's hard to give up on any kind of addiction and it requires a lot of work. I believe that you're on the right track and through sharing your experiences here, am optimistic that you'll finally overcome your addiction.
  18. JayLyn

    JayLyn Active Contributor

    Hi KJ---good to have you with us in this forum. I myself was a vodka drinker and had a struggle putting it down and like you, gave AA an honest attempt got no real satisfaction from it. I don't know what community you are in but a lot of drug and alcohol services offer group sessions that are often not AA centered. One of the alternative methods I've tried is Rational Recovery. Another is a 16 step program that was initially designed for women in co-dependent relationships and substance use problems. Since I'm not sure if you are male or female, (I'm guessing male) I don't know if 16 step is right for you but I believe it has been adapted to fit both men and women in some groups. It is (for me) a far better program than AA. RBET (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy) is the basis for Rational Recovery. I also found that one extremely helpful because they presented the problem and the solution in a way that made sense to me. I was an abused wife and the idea of saying I am powerless over anything is a big turn off.
    In RBET things are very literal. You don't tell yourself that you are not going to drink "just for today" because the idea is that you are not going to drink tomorrow, the next day or ever----- because to do so would be like lighting a stick of dynamite and you are responsible enough not to do that. I like that REBT puts the onus on me where it belongs as I am the one who decides to drink. When I feel like having a drink I look at what is going on that is making me want one. Am I angry? Sad? Happy? What is causing the emotion that I am feeling? What is it that I really want other than a drink? Usually it turns out that maybe I'm feeling rejected or unloved and what I really want is recognition at work or a hug from my partner. A drink isn't going to take the place of these things so I have two choices, I can try to access what I really want and need or I can continue to hurt myself with a substance that is basically poison to me. I guess REBT rationally looks at the emotion that is causing your behavior and teaches you better ways of dealing with them.
    In any case, I wish you the best of luck in your recovery, I have faith that you will do well, you are already on the right track reaching out. Thanks for the post.
    deanokat and greybird29 like this.
  19. greybird29

    greybird29 Active Contributor

    Hey KJ best wishes, I hope you are doing well. Alcohol can gain such a strong grip that it can become all that matters to us as we live for the next drink. Recently I lost a very good friend of over 25 years to the curse of vodka; he literally drank his self to death. He drank most of his life eventually at the young age of 48 he had a heart attack and was in intensive care for several weeks. He was honest with the Doc ant told him he smoked over 3 packs of cigarettes and smoked weed daily while drinking over a gallon of vodka a day. As most doctors will tell you that you “need” to stop smoking, drinking, and doing drugs; he did not. The heart attack led to so many other completions over the next few years he was in and out of the hospital many times.
    Once he was released or “signed his self out” he would go straight to the liquor store and buy a few gallons of vodka, a bunch of cigarettes and go home and celebrate. At 52 years young he again had a heart attack/ stroke; when I went to visit him in the hospital I did not even recognize him. He looked like he had gained over 200 pounds and aged by decades. He suffered in awful pain for a few weeks his organs began to shut down then spent 3 weeks on life support. He lost his battle with the alcohol demon and died at such a young age the day before his 53ed birthday. Your post sounds like you are trying to better your life and get control of your demon that is a fabulous first step. Sharing your story and seeking support “that matters to you” is essential. I hope that you can find some guidance and inspiration here; best wishes on your long powerful journey.
    deanokat likes this.
  20. Steve Dawson

    Steve Dawson Community Champion

    Alcohol is in many ways one of the most evil of drugs, freely available, relatively cheap, socially acceptable and enjoyable in moderation. My life would have been so much better if I had never touched a drop. Its great that you've decided to give up the poison, its a hard struggle, but you can get there in the end. When I gave up drinking (countless times over two years), I would often relapse until I got into the habit of finding something else to do when I was missing the drink. For me it was taking my mountain bike for a blast around my town, I'd arrive back home, tired and sweaty, but not feeling like drinking, it helped me enormously at the end. I've been sober five years now, you'll be saying the same one day, keep up your great attitute and never lose hope. All the best.
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