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Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by Rosyrain, Feb 11, 2016.

  1. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    I was watching a show the other night about couples and realized that vulnerability is not always a bad thing. Vulnerability is the ability to trust people and let them into the deepest part of your heart How do you learn to trust and become vulnerable once again after your heart has been broken?
  2. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    I think maybe bit by bit, and slowly but surely. I mean I know I am very guarded now because I feel I have been hurt of let down so many times..that it is difficult to trust anyone, but if people start to prove they are worthy of your trust, maybe you can start to trust again.
  3. Kyndalion

    Kyndalion Member

    I think that's what I lot of people use to continue to use.
    Vulnerability is hard, especially when you've been hurt in the past when you let your guard down. To truly love and be loved you do have to let go and be vulnerable. I want to be loved for who I am, it just means I have to work really hard to be open and willing to be accepted for that.
  4. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    Well, slowly but surely you're gonna heal. Like a tree, when the cold times (break-ups and struggles) come all your leaves and flowers fall to the ground, but when the warm season (great experiences and moments) comes around you find yourself once again. You're never gonna be fully broken, you're always going to be a stronger person, experiences only make you stronger.
  5. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    To trust and love again is a work in process. You have to go through the pain (rather than escape from it) until it hurts no more. But more than anything, it's also a choice. You have to set a deadline to how long you'll grieve for the one that got away. Avoid being alone all the time. Instead, go out with friends and family. Be pre-occuppied with something worthwhile. You'll be healed before you know it.
  6. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    I think only time can tell when your heart will be ready to love again. You cannot jump into a new relationship because you'd need your heart to mend first. And when that person, who's going to love you fully and completely comes, you will be ready for him or her. But how do we prepare for that person?

    Simple, you focus on yourself first. Love yourself and believe that you're worth loving as well. Build up your self-esteem by enhancing your skills. Do anything a couple might do, watch a movie or eat alone at a restaurant. Because when you're comfortable with being by yourself, it's easier to let your guard down with other people as well.

    Good luck!
  7. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think once you've been betrayed and let down you will definitely find it hard to trust others again. It will take quite some time for people to prove that they are trustworthy in your eyes, and you will increase your barriers around yourself.
  8. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Nothing risked, nothing gained . . .

    You have to be willing to get hurt and betrayed. This is the only way you can find people who you can trust. I think being a pessimist when it comes to trusting people should come in handy. You expect them to betray you and while they eventually will at least that betrayal won't sting as much as when you didn't expect it.
  9. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    My heart got broken when I was in high school. He was my first love, and I was very much into him, but sadly, our relationship ended up pretty quick. It was really hard for me to move on. It took me 7 years before I finally decided to open up my heart, and fall in love again, and now, I couldn't be any happier with my boyfriend. He's my answered prayer. :)
  10. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    At some point things from your past will stop hurting as much and you will learn to be vulnerable again. I have learned not to always speak at the moment I am feeling an intense emotion because I may say things and do things that I will regret later. Sometimes it is better to keep my mouth shut and wait for the intense feelings to subside. I can then communicate better and my heart will be more open to understanding.
  11. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    This is very important because if you shut off from everyone, you will eventually explode from keeping it all bottled inside. Not having anyone to talk to can drive you too far into loneliness.
  12. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I think it's absolutely one of those things that takes time. I am vulnerable with my husband - but it's taken probably 3 years of marriage plus our time dating to get to that point! I'd been hurt and burned before so part of me had walls up to prevent people getting too close.
  13. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    This is interesting. I had a different view of the word vulnerable. I just looked it up and read the definition. "susceptible to physical or emotional harm or attack."
    I don't know what I thought it was but this is different than the concept I had in my mind. I don't even know how to describe what I was thinking it meant.
    But yes I agree with what you are saying in the first sense of thinking it meant one thing. Vulnerability, well I'm not trying to say what you are posting is not true, but I'm just exploring the topic. Because television you need to watch with a critical eye. They try to brainwash. So the dictionary says vulnerability, is a noun, of the same definition.
    Somehow I feel like what you are saying describes how my mind defined what vulnerable was associated with. "the ability to trust other people and let them into the deepest parts of your heart" but that clearly is not what the word means. Kind of interesting that a tv show is even advertising it this way. Somehow my mind was in agreement with this theory. But, but that false concept is more like talking about leaving yourself open to attack or harm. MMM, totally different.
    It's like why would you want to do that again? It seems dumb. There is nothing wrong with trusting people again. It's really more about who you trust and deciding. Deciding on the one you allow. Its not about leaving yourself open to harm. Some people are seeking to heal and love. While others are looking to take advantage of someone who is susceptible to emotional harm. It is attractive when someone is trusting and intelligent about their ability to love. They just do it. The other invite it because of fear. This is where we classify people in two categories predator or lover. Perhaps some people have not clearly defined the two. If you know when you do something that hurts someone's feelings. Why would you do it again? This is not love, this is causing harm. If you are susceptible to being hurt. You'd at some point need to learn how to go about it differently. Otherwise it's almost like looking for it. Desiring to be hurt by not recognizing the difference between those that seek to love and those who seek to harm. This boils down to intention.
    I think it is more about resilience and being smart about it. It's good to love and be in love. Being trusting is given by being honest. It's part of trust. Being sincere. Having good intentions and morals. These things must line up. If you take a look at where you had heart ache with another. You will find these things did not match up. You need to both have the same intentions and moral standards.