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Waited too long for help

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Karen Fahringer, Aug 8, 2018.

  1. I’m 49 yrs old and recently separated from a man of 21 yrs.. My alcohol spiraled our of control and I left. Typical of a alcoholic to run away from problems. I’m sober for over 4 yrs and regret being in denial . I wish I would of seemed help sooner.. Living with a lot of regret and feeling sad for my missed opportunity at having a lasting telationship
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Welcome to the community, @Karen Fahringer. And thank you for sharing with us. I want you to know how proud I am of you for having 4+ years of sobriety!

    While I understand the regret and sadness you're feeling over the end of your long-term relationship, I also think you have a lot to be grateful for. Four years of sobriety is an amazing thing. Could you have sought help and gotten sober sooner? Sure. But why dwell on "would've/could've/should've" at this point? Feeling bad about something you didn't do in the past will only keep you stuck in a negative space. It won't change anything. And it takes away from the huge positive of being in long-term sobriety. I suggest trying to be kinder to yourself and realizing that you have made a major improvement in your life. Use that positivity to move forward in your life and seek out wonderful things for yourself. You may have made some mistakes in your past, but who hasn't?? The fact is, you're a badass who got your alcohol addiction under control. And that's something to be super proud of!

    You may find talking to a therapist really helpful. A good therapist should be able to help you confront everything you're feeling and put it to bed. I don't know if you've ever tried therapy, but if you haven't, please consider it.

    I hope you can move past the negative stuff you're feeling and start feeling a little more upbeat about where you are in life. You still have lots of life ahead of you, and I know there are fabulous things awaiting you.

    We are here if you need support, so please don't hesitate to come back and post as much as you'd like.

    Sending you lots of love and hope. And a big hug, too. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it!
    True concern and Dominica like this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Karen Fahringer I sympathize with your situation, Not long ago my 18 yr anniversary passed and I have been separated from my wife for over 3 year's now and have only been sober for 6 1/2 month's and I miss my wife and I have a hard time accepting that it's probably over at this point, though she still won't clarify that however I can't change what I've done I can only focus on what I do now.It hurts,it sucks but ultimately I just want the best for her...even if that means we will never be together again. ...That hurt is extreme for sure and in today's world I am all over the place with my thought's and emotions but even in moments filled with my own self pity,crying like a baby I still just want her happy.I can tell you not to dwell but I can't say I have the ability not to, I know there really are no words of comfort right now and for myself I use this site and basically my heart and the hurt it feels is typed out all over it,the people here have been very supportive and encouraging and it does help me but the memories of the bad memories are haunting at time's for sure.I type,I pray,I run,I pace,I cry,I hurt....basically im human and I do the best I can to push forward. Know that you are not alone and you can share here openly and honestly and so far at this point I have not encountered any negativity rather just solid support.So I will pray for you and I will chat with you...I will do whatever I can to help ease your pain as best I can but YES at this point people like us need to work on ourselves or we would still be no good to them so please make time as best you can to try and heal yourself, as best you can.Stay Strong and God Bless
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    I'm sorry that you're going through such a challenging time right now. Breakups are rarely easy and I really feel for you. Congratulations on your sobriety and I hope that you'll continue on that path. As we all know drinking doesn't really do us any good. Know that you're not alone and we're here to support and encourage you however we can.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  5. Ironically today I ran into my ex at the convenience store.. I hugged him and told him he was an angel for putting up with me.. I hugged him and told him I miss him. I explained to him I had a problem with alcohol and prescription drugs. He said I know I lived it. I asked if we could meet and discuss some of the misunderstandings in our divorce. He agreed. I gave him my number and said I wouldn’t bother you I’ll wait for your call.. if nothing more this will definitely make things easier for me to accept. Sure was good seeing him after 5 yrs.. one of his first questions was are you drinking. My reply “sober forever”
    deanokat, Dominica and True concern like this.
  6. my phone rang tonite and it was him. I’m now afraid to answer it. I have a lot of confessions and apologies. I’m scared but need to do this to make amends❤️❤️❤️
    deanokat, Dominica and True concern like this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Good luck to you and I pray it goes well, it will definitely help you heal.Stay Strong and clear your conscious it will help everyone in your life,most importantly YOU.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  8. Thanks.. it’s not all about us.. our loved ones suffered as well. I am accountable for my disease and addiction. They suffer as well❤️❤️❤️
    deanokat, True concern and Dominica like this.
  9. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    You are correct but just like us they can heal to,it's never easy but nothing worth doing ever is
    deanokat likes this.
  10. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Amen to that, @Karen Fahringer. Addiction is a family disease.
    True concern likes this.