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Walking away to help him hit bottom

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by Rosie, May 2, 2017.

  1. Rosie

    Rosie Member

    After 5 years of marriage, 'social' cocaine use seems to be more solitary crack use now and husband still says it's not a big deal...not every day.
    After our baby's 1st baby I hit my wall...and gave him ultimatum, left the house with baby and threatened divorce...hoping that walking away, stopping enabling, detaching would cause him to seek help.....he filed for divorce on me?!!
    I am devastated. We are in the midst of the divorce process which I know neither of us want...but if I go back without change I am enabling...he won't go back because he doesn't want to be controlled with an ultimatum and doesn't need rehab he says.
    Looking for ANYBODY that has ever been in this situation? Would appreciate your experience as I don't know anyone ever in this situation:
    1. Addict/Substance Abuser gives up on the person who has cared for them and been there through thick and thin and suffered at the hands of this...devastated by this and feel confused and betrayed and an questioning did he ever love me or fall out of love with me?!
    2. Going through divorce process when you both still live one another. I don't want to be divorced. I love and care for my husband and want my family together but I guess I have to go through divorce if there's ever a slight chance that it will save him??
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Rosie... I'm sorry you're going through this. Addiction is a horrible disease and it takes its toll on so many more people than just the person with the disease. I always remember what Nar-Anon and Al-Anon teach us about a loved one's addiction: "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it." Those are tough words to digest, but they're so true.

    I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. And I'm sending you lots of love and hope. Please know that you can reach out to us anytime. That's why we're here.