so I’m sitting outside smoking a blunt watching this rain. I can’t help but look at my arms over and over, scared of the possibilities but hopeful since it seems better today. No pain no fever anxiety on high. My dogs don’t like me high and I’m pretty sure my daughter wasn’t thrilled to grow up with a drug addicted hustling mom. I was clean for 6 years, been fucking up the last 4. And then over the past few months fell even farther down and began shooting up again, after 12 years off that dam needle. I’m trying, I’m praying, I don’t want this. I don’t even like being high. Just want that rush.