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Watching slow death happening.

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by Day2Day, Jun 17, 2018.

  1. Day2Day

    Day2Day Member

    Watching slow death happening. Inconceivable statement unless you're living it everyday with a loved one. In my case my adult child, a heroin addict. No one will ever know the feeling of my heart stopping every time my cell phone rings. None will ever feel the total despair of looking into my child's emotionless eyes that one time shined. No one will ever hear my silent screams. No one will have countless sleepless nights waiting to hear the car pull into the driveway. It is so easy for people to say "they're adults and make their own choices". What these people don't realize is that I am dying along with my child. Addiction is not a choice. It is a desease. Laws needs to he changed to allow parents of an adult child struggling with addiction to have the right to make the best decision on their adult addicts child behalf. Too many of our children have been buried because parents do not have the right to make a life saving decision on their child's behalf. Does anyone know how and is interested on become an advocate in Passaic county New Jersey?
    Hal likes this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Day2Day... Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing with us. I'm very sorry to hear about your child. As someone who has an adult child who has struggled with various addictions--including heroin--over the last 13 or so years, I am very familiar with much of what you're describing.

    Unfortunately, it's not easy to get an adult child into treatment if they don't want to go willingly. That definitely makes it difficult for parents and other family members who are desperate to get their loved one help. I don't know what would be involved in getting your child help. You may want to contact a lawyer or your local social services agency and ask them. I'm sorry I can't help more.

    We're here to help and support you. You are not alone. So don't hesitate to reach out and lean on us anytime, even if it's just to vent. We will always listen, my friend.

    Praying hard for you and your child.

    Also, you may want to check out a book called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for parents and partners of people struggling with addiction, and it's full of incredibly helpful information. One of the things it covers is how to help convince your loved one to want help. I highly recommend the book to all parents and loved ones of people with addiction issues.
  3. Hal

    Hal Member

    I have just lost my son due to an overdose.I understand the pain and agony parents and family members go through day in and out.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Oh, @Hal... I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're feeling, and my heart goes out to you and everyone affected by your son's death. Addiction is a devastating disease that takes way too many lives. When those lives belong to young people, it's even more tragic.

    I'm sending you and your family love, light, and prayers. If you ever feel like getting things off your chest, you can do that here. We are caring people who are good listeners. And we always listen without judgment.

    Again, my condolences.
    Hal likes this.
  5. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    Oh wow I am so sorry to hear this! I cannot imagine what you and your family are going through right now. as Dean has suggested, please feel free to come here anytime. We will support and encourage you however we can. I imagine the weight of your grief feels unbearable. Please know that there are people who can help you navigate this difficult time in your life. You Are Not Alone.
    deanokat likes this.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Hal... I wanted to share this passage from my favorite author, Anne Lamott, with you. Perhaps it will help you during this difficult time:

    "Don’t get me wrong: grief sucks; it really does.

    Unfortunately, though, avoiding it robs us of life, of the now, of a sense of living spirit. Mostly I have tried to avoid it by staying very busy, working too hard, trying to achieve as much as possible. You can often avoid the pain by trying to fix other people; shopping helps in a pinch, as does romantic obsession. Martyrdom can’t be beat. While too much exercise works for many people, it doesn’t for me, but I have found that a stack of magazines can be numbing and even mood altering.

    But the bad news is that whatever you use to keep the pain at bay robs you of the flecks and nuggets of gold that feeling grief will give you. A fixation can keep you nicely defined and give you the illusion that your life has not fallen apart. But since your life may indeed have fallen apart, the illusion won’t hold up forever, and if you are lucky and brave, you will be willing to bear disillusion. You begin to cry and writhe and yell and then to keep on crying; and then, finally, grief ends up giving you the two best things; softness and illumination."

    I hope that someday you can find some softness and illumination.

    Sending you hugs and love.
  7. DoxyMom

    DoxyMom Community Champion

    Your child didn't want to hurt you, they love you. This disease happens to be stronger than that love. They don't want to hurt or disappoint you. They can't help themselves. Maybe he/she reached out for help and couldn't get it or were to embarrassed to talk to you. Don't give up if you love them.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.