An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

We Don't Think of it That Way

Discussion in 'Marijuana' started by knitmehere, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    I've personally never thought of marijuana as an addiction. Yes, I know that anything can be an addiction, but I've always thought of it more as an activity that people do in their spare time that isn't going to harm anyone. I used to smoke a bit myself, haven't in a very long time and never will again, but there was no addictive quality to it for me.

    When things got serious between my current boyfriend (father of my child) and I, I told him that pot isn't something I want around my children. I told him this BEFORE I got pregnant, and he said he was okay with that.

    Now that I'm four months pregnant, it's been over six months since I begged him to stop smoking. He did stop for awhile, because he moved into my house and doesn't have a way to get anywhere to get it. Then he begged me to take him to his sister's house about a week ago, and of course he was asking her for some before we even got all the way through the door. Thankfully, she respected my wishes and told him that she didn't feel comfortable giving him any.

    Sadly, we went to someone else's house over the weekend, and he waited until I went out of the room and ended up smoking with them. I definitely am not happy about it at all.

    I just think more people should take it seriously when their loved ones claim they can walk away from something but aren't willing to do so...
  2. btalivny

    btalivny Active Contributor

    I think you should explain your reasoning to him of why you have chosen your specific viewpoint on the consumption of cannabis. There have not been any detailed, unbiased studies regarding child development and second hand smoking conducted. The reason being that serious funding for scientific research of cannabis is relatively new. There has not been enough time to analyze half a generation. A few older studies which are occasionally dismissed to do various reasons do say however that second hand cannabis smoke can effect children negatively.

    If your boyfriend still does not wish to stop, you may have made a few decisions in the past that were not great.

    The middle ground to all this would be to convince him to purchase cannabis infused products such as edibles. These emit no smoke (obviously) and the only danger that may occur on your children is them getting their hands on the edibles. This however is completely avoidable by being observant parents. Theoretically, another danger would be your boyfriend's inability to function at full capabilities when your child needs them.
  3. yaitsjonny

    yaitsjonny Member

    Marijuana, like most substances, can most certainly be addictive. The pleasurable, apathetic feeling is something that most people would love to recreate. As such, your boyfriend may be having a hard time to take himself away from such a thing. Do you believe that marijuana will hinder his potential to be a good father? If so, you need to have a serious talk with him. You need to make him choose, and naturally, he will choose you and the future child. Naturally, keeping drugs away from your child should be your primary instinct, and should immediately be addressed.
    deanokat likes this.
  4. morgoodie

    morgoodie Senior Contributor

    I used to smoke marijuana for the social aspect of it and rarely smoked it by myself. I never had an addiction problem with it either and had no side effects or withdrawal symptoms when I would not smoke it. I never felt the overwhelming urge to smoke it and when I quit, I did it without any problems. I have not smoked it for a long time and will never smoke it again.

    I believe that the person that you are with and who is the father of your child should listen and take what you have to say seriously. It is not good for the relationship if he is not going to care about your feelings and attempt to quit smoking. I realize that you cannot force someone to quit but he should think about the child as well and wanting to be healthy and to set a good example. I wish you luck and hope that he can quit like you want him to.
  5. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    As long as he doesn't smoke in your presence or your child's presence I don't see the problem with him smoking. Sadly when we take someone we need to accept this kind of things, specially if they don't want to quit... you will have n choice but accepting it, unless he goes back to his full senses, but don't count on it... doing so will only make you so unhappy and stress you out.

    By the way, I'm talking from experience. I'm with someone who smokes, won't stop. I've learnt to accept it, as long as he does anywhere but never inside the house.
  6. Scooby Snack

    Scooby Snack Community Champion

    Personally I think it's unfair to ask your partner to give up something he enjoys. He is clearly making an effort to keep it away from you, and based on his behavior he's likely to keep it away from the child as well. You don't have the right to ask him to stop doing it completely. If he is honoring your agreement not to do it in your presence, then that should be enough.

    Otherwise all he will do is find more elaborate ways to hide it from you, and lie to you. And I bet part of him will grow to resent you.
  7. Belovedad

    Belovedad Active Contributor

    Marijuana isn't the issue. Smoking is. However, you asked him something specific and it does not seem like he's dishonoring your wish. It's hard for him and you should be more compliant. For now, ensure he does not smoke around you or your baby but respect his wishes also and don't make a big fuss if he does it elsewhere.
  8. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    @knitmehere your concerns are valid regarding your boyfriend's smoking marijuana especially now that you're expecting but others have given you some good points to think about as well.

    My concern is for you and the baby. You may be bringing stress on yourself which is not good or healthy when pregnant. It may be necessary to make some changes when you go out with your boyfriend. You know now that he will continue to smoke when you're not at home. This should be discussed and come to a mutual agreement even if it means staying home. Worst scenario would be that things start to get unbearable because of it and he moves out.

    Just some things to think about.
  9. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    What I find the most sad about some of these responses is that it's an illegal substance that he plans to bring into my home and around both of my children and people seem to think it's okay that he doesn't want to stop.

    This is something we BOTH agreed to when he made the choice to move into my home, where I pay the bills and support him, and where my children are located. The deal was not that he would stop smoking just when he's here, it was that he would stop all together.

    The last thing I need is him getting arrested and me losing not only my job, but possibly even my children over his stupid choices.

    As much as people want to think that pot is harmless, it's still illegal and people can still become addicted to the way that it makes them feel.
  10. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    If this was the other way around, that I was still on cocaine and he was begging me to stop, people would have the exact opposite reaction. I'd be called a bad parent and all types of other things, when in reality I took better care of my daughter as a cocaine addict than I've ever seen anyone on any other type of drug do.

    It's not right to pick and choose what you think is and isn't okay just because of your own biases. Marijuana IS ILLEGAL. We could very well lose our children if a CPS case was opened and he was found with it in his system multiple times.
  11. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    @knitmehere, thank you for making it clear the arrangement that you and your boyfriend had made about him smoking marijuana. I was understanding from your OP that it was no smoking in your home only.

    I fully understand your concerns of the possibility of what might/can happen if he continues to do so but the decision is only for you to make changes if you fear that there is a strong chance that he may get arrested or that children services may get involved.

    Yes marijuana is an illegal substance and shouldn't be taken lightly because of the risks involved as you mentioned. One question to you, have you made these concerns known?
  12. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    Yes, I've spoken my piece to him about it. I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant and I've made it very clear that if he's still smoking when my due date is near, he will no longer be living with me.
    MrsJones likes this.
  13. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    It's good you have made it known to him and laid out the conditions. He may have promised but he may be too weak not to yield to his addiction. He needs to get into therapy if he wants to be a family man.

    It will be best if your child had both parents; it is not always easy raising them alone. I hope he quits before your due date.
  14. djolem

    djolem Senior Contributor

    I think that anything can be addictive as you said and me, same as you, never had felt addicted to marijuana. It's been years since I smoked and I have only good memories about it. For me, the point is to be able to make priorities. If you are unable to realize that something is more important than something else when obviously it is, then you have a problem. In your case we can see that clearly. I believe that I would give up everything I ever had or liked to please a woman who is pregnant with our child. Priorities like this make decisions simple as that. Maybe I am like that and people in general do not see this in that way. I hope he will have second thoughts about quitting.
  15. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    I'd still let him be in her life, of course. I just wouldn't let him live with us and I would want to supervise the visits. I still love him, but I don't want my children growing up around that type of thing the same way that I did.
  16. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    I have the same mindset as you, that certain things should be priorities and we should be able to make sacrifices for those things. I would never ask him to quit if it were just he and I in the situation, but you add children to the equation and things change.