My boyfriend (father of our unborn baby girl, mind you I also have a 6 yr old before him) is addicted to heroin. He has admitted it to me once I confronted him. I expressed my concern and he says he wants to get clean and he has been cutting back working on it on his own. Can that even happen? I have decided to stand by and support him during his journey but my family is completely against that choice and thinks I should cut all ties and have no contact with him at all. I don't know what to do.
Your family has no clue about addiction IF this is their only reason for them to say cut all ties with the father of your child! Before I reply with a much much longer and passionate post (because I am a single father of a 9 year old and recovering heroin addict, with little over a year clean), can you tell me a,little more about the situation? I'm josh by the way and your in the right place.
on it on his own. Can that even happen? I have decided to stand by and support him during his journey but my family is completely against that choice and thinks I should cut all ties and have no contact with him at all. I don't know what to do. YES! Recovery can happen. YOU are doing right! But please tell us a little more of your story
Hello and welcome. He needs help. Your support is wonderful. He should see an addiction specialist and maybe look into medically assisted detox. Josh used Suboxone and I'm currently going to a methadone clinic. I was first addicted to pills then heroin. Opiates are hard to quit due to withdrawal. We all try and fail because of it. If you love him and want to stand by him that's your choice. It will be a long hard road.
If he really wants to get clean then with support and love it can happen. Remember how your husband took the news @DoxyMom. It might be a road worth traveling. I bieve he has every right in the world IF he's willing to get clean to be a good husband and father. I got clean. I have custody.
We have been together almost a year now, he also was first addicted to pills then moved onto heroin. I have set boundaries where it is not allowed in my home, as we do not yet live together but he spends all his time with us when he isn't working. He has made contact with a specialist and i offered to go with him if he would like. My family says that boundary isn't enough because I am still enabling him to continue use while not with us. My family is aware of his addiction and is persistant about no contact but to me, that is not a positive influence. From what I've been reading addicts need positive influence in their life.
Is he abusive? Does he want to be a part of your life and your baby's life? Is he willing to stick with treatment? And he's willing for you to go with him so he's not trying to dip,out and trick you.
Yes addicts need a positive influence. He will never get clean without it. And if not allowing it in your home is not a good enough join dry may I ask where they would set the it? In guessing they are ok with putting him out with the trash. In sorry this is a touchy touchy subject for me. He can most likely wants to be clean. And you cannot make him but if you just leave him because well just because then he's gonna go downhill fast.
He is not abusive physically but when high, and I can tell, I feel he is emotionally and mentally abusive. He claims he wants to be there with us as a family unit and is really trying.but I also know addicts will tell you what you want to hear. I'm scared to trust him for fear that the drug has too much a hold on him
That's a different story. This coming from an iv heroin user. If he is abusive now, in any kind of way. RUN. I just posted something about this in the marijuana forum. Please read that.
He sniffs the heroin. Mentally and emotionally like he'll say things like I'm lieing I don't want to help him, he may as well give up, I think it comes from him being scared
My family is not supportive at all and he doesn't talk to his family much. So I am feeling like his only support and i feel more obligated because we are pregnant. He also has a colored past, if you will, from events when high, so many people judge him. When sober he is a good guy.
Don't make excuses for him. Heroin made me love everybody. And happy and energetic. Kinda like most people on coke. Do not take any blame or make any excuses. Im all about giving the addict a chance. Until there is abuse, physical or verbal.
You would be surprised how many people are addicts and you just don't know. Look you have no idea how many times my sons mom said when he's sober he's a good guy. Well, I was the most unsober(if that's a word) boyfriend she ever had and she never got a hand laid on her by me. In fact this will forever be burned into my memory. I WAS HIGH, BE WAS SOBER, and I was hurting bad from what I had gone through in my relationship, she was hurting because she had a black eye. She said those exact words. When I got to his house to vent my rage for what I was going through and for the black eye she had he was as sober as could be. I almost went to jail that night. When I saw him that night I went into a rage like I have never before or since. She was my friend and he hurt her. For no reason. Even of he wasn't sober, that's not a reason. If he's abusive and you don't leave you are going to end up,being a battered wife. After hearing more it sounds like your family is right. And I'm an advocate for addicts. Real men are not abusive. It doesn't matter how he takes the heroin, he still takes it. You need to get away before it gets worse. Like you,said he was an addict before you met. Please run.
I'm in denial I don't want to hear that he isn't worth a shot, we are having a baby. I never feel threatened by him but I did start to feel like maybe I wasn't helping him, I was hurting him.
Yes. Heroin does not make you hate a woman you love. I have been puking from LACK of heroin and still not violent to my girlfriend. I'm not proud of this at all. But I say it to make a point. I used to be a very violent person. I joined a boxing gym just to hurt people. I got kicked out because I had a siezure in the ring one day. I was about to loose my job though because I was always showing up with black eyes and stitches. I was hurting so I took on fights I knew I would loose. Heroin made this behavior stop.
He's hurting you and it will only get worse. My uncle stopped abusing my aunt bit she pit up with it for many years. He doesn't do drugs or anything, just mean. She was in denial. When my cousin and I could stop him from hurting her he quit. But it was out of fear I believe. This is cowardly behavior. I have no sympathy for a man who hurts women they are cowards. Don't get me wrong there are some women who I think need a good rake across the yard too. If a guy does it he's no good. He'll intimidate you and make you feel worthless. I've seen it happen. The only reason I'm not doing time right now because of what happened between me and that guy I mentioned is because he was afraid of pressing charges. Im serious. Do not be with anyone who abuses you. And think about your kids when they get older, he moves in and they get on his nerves. I wouldn't take a chance. But I hope someone else puts in there two cents be caused I was raised where hurting a woman meant the men in the family came together. So im,kinda biased.