We need help

something has you commenting with pure self justifiable rage.Brother i have to say i agree a man doesnt hit a woman however heroin/alcohol/gummy bears lol any substance period does have the potential to make a person verbally agressive,i wont say abusive because you are correct no substance turns love off however all substances turn other emotions and like you said everyone was your friend after a shot but in reality you know that is a symptom of the dope

i feel your conviction my friend and i agree a man who "IS ABUSIVE ON PURPOSE"Is a fuc*ing coward,now remember as a recovering addict yourself you know there is always a point of looking back and asking yourself WTF did i do when i was high or drunk or hopped up on gummy bears

it very well could be the drugs but still there is a chance he is just a prick

i went through this thread in reverse lol,anyways you answered your own question and you understand what is neccessary for it to work with you two"When sober he is a good guy"

I admit that I get upset easily, well really triggered when I hear about an addict and want to vouche for them and say they can be fathers. That they can put aside their missery and put one foot in front of the other and step up.
And Im super happy for a young couple that can get their act together and make the family work.
Because I wanted that. I tried. Just not hard enough I guess. So I get set off at some abusive guy.
I did have as a child,my cousins getting abused andbinwas protected from it. I want to protect others from it.
I wasnt abused. But it made me angry. As a very young teen I can remember picking street fights just to get over being scared of getting beat up.
And I did. And sadly I got good at fighting and started to enjoy it.
Yeah, when I go to bat for somebody and the situation lets me down. Or the woman is either gonna walk away or most likely end up having scared kids I go off.
I hope everything here turn out well. I do, and in an going to,give the situation to God and pray.
But mabey that explains a little of my anger.
There is a dark place on,my head I try really hard to control.

brother im not trying to point fingers or anything i was simply trying to say we all are addicts trying to overcome what destroys us and yes i am with you on the topic.In this scenario it doesnt seem as if there are tons of other obsticles but in many cases the situation is much more complex.i am in no way condoning abuse from anyone to anyone i just try to see what i cant and like the abuse you witnessed growing up i had to live.The last time i was beaten by a family member i was 16 and i was whipped from head to toe with the buckle of a 2 inch wide leather belt but over the years i learned not to break and i was so over the beatings by 16 that during the last one while i was pouring blood i said "Let me take my shirt off so maybe you can hurt me"So i did and after every hit with a stone cold emotionless look i kept asking "Do you feel better"Anyways the cops came and then they beat me some more because i wouldnt tell them what happened or who did it so yes early in adulthood i went at every substance i could get and it ultimately took the most wonderful thing ive ever had in this life and it wasnt until i found this site that i started analyzing my every failure,i am making progress but to go beyond the mental blockade i put up early in life and try to figure out how to push beyond it at times cripples me and i fall down back into "Survival and Numb"Mode and i hate this back and forth cycle but i must make amends with the hate i learned to feel for myself befrore i can try to make amends in other places,its very difficult because i have ended up so isolated,basically alone most of each and every day because i dont want to hurt or upset anyone and i dont want to be hurt or upset myself and i know this technique leaves little room for progress and that is how and why i kave spent so much time here on this site...I can literally read certain post and feel the agony as if it were my own but that allows me to respond to someone else in a similar situation and now i can go baqck through my responses and mend some of my own issues.I tried to fill some big shoes when i got married and it was what drove me to push forward yet over time i realized everyone was moving on with their life and i was once again stuck with the memories and self hate so i did what i learned when i was young i started self destructing and now i want to get past all that and live a life worth living and seeing others on here struggling allows me to do that in a way and im very sincere and passionate when i respond because i know if i would have had someone who was there for me in those times maybe just maybe i could have overcome in a much healthier,faster way.Sorry i went off the rails rammbling.I do hope and pray that all my post here on this site help others to seek help before the pain consumes them because once it does the fight back to steady ground is the hardest thing anyone could ever do if they are truly fighting for it.

I hate you had to endure that. Honestly. And i,never thought yoibwere pointing fingers. I know that's not you.
I just wanted to explain why i feel,like i go off sometimes. And honestly, that's really not even accurate. I didn't go off. But im sure that in some of my posts folks are wondering why i seem,like a switch got flipped.
Its not good not healthy at all to get numb to violence. And i didnt have to.
But I chose to. And for a while,i turned violent. So i know where this leads and want others to run so they dont ever have to feel negative felt.
And i know your situation was a thousand times worse. I can't imagine.

I dont talk about thatshit much because well it fuc*ed me up and though i struggle at times i must overcome thatshit,and i know what your saying but i dont think of my situation as worse than anyones anymore bedause if i allow myself to think and feel that way hope disappears,i went through some hard things in my life but who hasnt?The challenging part now is to stop feeling like the victim and get over it and use it to let others know there is someone who has been there and it can be something a person can overcome i say that with thee utmost sincerity even though i havent figured out just exactly how yet but i will keep trying,searching,digging for the answer.God wont give a person anymore than they can handle so i know there is a way,there is hope and in my heart i know his plan is divine so i try not to second guess it though i am human and it is difficult

@Dominica says in her ebook at one point that most people won't actually do this. She is referring to writing down a positive and negative list of feelings toward ourselves and loved ones.
Well im actually writing it down. Im finding that I'm taking a lot from this read. Honestly even more than I thought i would.
She spoke of a song titled "Three". So I've got my earbuds in and have pretty much created a whole new YouTube music playlist.
I have no clue what it is about you tube premium but get that and it'll have you listening to music that'll snatch the tears out of your head.
Anyway i forget where i was going.
I think I was just gonna recommend doing this exercise.
Yeah. I recommend it. I'm learning a lot about myself.

He's not being physically abusive. If he is a jerk though he will be one when sober. I would try some family counseling or couples and if he does not improve then kick him to the curb. You will know you have done all you can to help the father of your kids. I wouldn't let him see them while using either he needs to get help he can't quit on his own.

Give him A chance. Get him on methadone or subs.

That's what i wanna say. I just can't.