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What are your ways of helping your addicted loved ones?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by kylerlittle, Apr 23, 2015.

  1. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    Hello,

    I want to hear people's ways of dealing with their addicted loved ones and conclude about what is the most common way that is being used. I personally deal with it by loving them and forgiving them as much as possible, and I also try and support them through it all the time. I try to keep my temper and never get angry or frustrated at them because I know that can affect them and make it worse. When I see my loved one engage in his/her addiction, I tend to try and stop them and they would cry from pain, I believe through my experience with dealing with it is that most people go to it because of problems and stress and it's really sad and it breaks my heart to see my loved ones go to it. But the fact that I can show them love and give them a hug and tell them "I'm here for you, no worries, and it's going to be okay" they get touched and they feel that someone cares about them and they try their best next time not to do it because they feel that there is a reason why they shouldn't do that. Could you please share your experience with it, and tell me what are the most effective ways that you have tried which worked with helping your addicted loved ones?

    Thank you and best of hope and luck with your loved ones, spread the love :)
  2. Stella

    Stella Member

    It's all about support. It upsets me when I see people bagging on someone whom is addicted to something as far as drugs. I can tell you from experience that any slight negativity can break them, and make it worst. It's all about positivity. One of my close friends were addicted to (just about everything) because she felt that it helped her escape reality. Her reality was abusive parents. Instead of me trying to change the reality of her addiction, I tried to change her reality of her abusive parents. Now she's emancipated and 1 year clean!
  3. kh6912

    kh6912 Member

    I tried many different approaches throughout my life with my father. First, I denied the problem, ignored the signs, and became an addict myself at a young age, first believing it was genetic and I had no choice in the matter, and later my addiction was nurtured under his not-so-careful watch when I became a teen. After getting clean myself, I was kind of just operating under the assumption that he was clean too, until I found out otherwise. That led to an anger like I've never known before and hope to never know again. The betrayal was impossible to ignore, and made a healthy relationship with him impossible, as he refused to admit that he had a problem or had done anything wrong. I had to be brutally honest with him, and I stopped letting him see my kids unsupervised, which drove him to leave the state. Still not sure how he figured that would help anything. But that's where we are.
  4. JadeVengeance

    JadeVengeance Active Contributor

    I have tried different ways to help my parents with drug abuse but for some reason it never seems to work. All that happens is I seem to hurt myself, emotionally.
    If the loved one can help themselves then they will.
    My mother for example, she loves herein and it does not matter how much you cry to her or she ends up in hospital.. she still continues to do the drug.
    It comes down to the person and whether they want to quit doing drugs.. not down to us.
  5. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I have tried my best to understand and still show care. But making sure that it is clear that I do not agree on what they are doing. It will not be tolerated so that they will not think that it was just okay to be like that and get used to it.
  6. JadeVengeance

    JadeVengeance Active Contributor

    All I can say to you is just make sure that they stay on the right track and right side of things. It only takes the simplest things to set them back
  7. ella

    ella Member

    For 13 long years I was helping a loved one battle his addiction. I was caring, the most loving and supportive human being out there. By the time it gets to 14 years, I was a mess myself. I was so full of anger, resentments, pain, sadness etc. I couldn't be myself anymore. I was close to ending my life because I couldn't bear it anymore. I lost everthing.

    Numerous rehab didn't change him, families can't do anything anymore, I couldn't change him...so I gave up. Someone with the Higher Power is telling me to let go. I did.

    I went to see a pastor and few support people from the ministry. They did help. It worked! Our life transforms and all we did is to be close to Jesus.

    Now I could go on letting people know to let go and let Jesus take over. But I think my point was just to realize that families and friends are not the solution to their problem. We cannot change them by being loving and caring alone. Sometimes we have to let them be at their rock bottom because in their rock bottom they start to admit there is a problem and they need help. That's where we intervene.
  8. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Right now I'm trying to help someone who is very close to me and can't seem to be able to stop smoking. I know isn't as bad as doing drugs or drinking too much, but I do feel this person is killing himself slowly. He has been smoking for 11 years already and has no plans to stop anytime soon.

    I've tried everything I can, but nothing has worked. He just doesn't want to quit, this happens a lot with other addictions. Truth is no matter what you do or say, if the addict isn't ready to quit he or she just won't. It's like trying to change someone's behavior or personality by constantly reprimanding them; won't work.

    The change must come from within; done and supported by the addict. Only the addict can change the addict and push him/her to a different direction.

    So all we can do is being there for them, being understanding and encourage them. Be there when they need a shoulder to cry on and listen to them. We can do nothing but offer them our unconditional love.
  9. kianthras

    kianthras Member

    The only thing that I have found that seems to work is being as supportive as possible when they are trying to quit or tone down. I understand that it is very difficult to quit whatever your addiction is, and so I want to try and help as much as possible. Whether that is by going out on evening walks to stop some one from having a smoke break, or by pouring all the alcohol down the drain on their orders, I will do anything I can to help so that they can finally stop.

    The problem comes when they themselves don't know if they want to really stop. They may know that it is needed, but don't think that its the right time or place. If you can, try convincing them that it is the right time and place to stop, and remind them over and over that you will be there to support them.

    The other thing is, you can't push. If you push too much they will push back, and in my experience that pushes them back onto the addiction of choice. Stress and problems makes it harder to stay on the right track, and someone pushing too hard can lead right back to where they were.
  10. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    The biggest thing I would say is just be there. For someone in recovery I think the knowledge that they have an unfaltering support network is critical. If someone is only a fair-weather friend, just being there in the good times, then that's not going to leave the person in recovery with much hope or faith in the process. I also agree with @kianthras above who mentioned you can't push...I think this is huge. I agree that a lot of the time a person will react in the absolute opposite way, almost rebelling (and perhaps spiraling further into their addiction) if you push them in their recovery.
  11. letoucan

    letoucan Member

    I think it depends on the person. Some may lean towards the needing love side while others, you just have to strike down upon. If they're swapped around, there can be consequences. If a softer type is yelled at, continuation can occur, with the person thinking "nobody loves me" and if you just constantly forgive, the person might simply shrug it off and continue abusing.