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What can I do to help my daughter?

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by NancyBL, Sep 28, 2014.

  1. NancyBL

    NancyBL Member

    Hi everyone. I have a 22 year old daughter named Leah who's been addicted to heroin for about 3 years. My husband and I are devastated. We don't know how to help her. Even worse, we feel like we may be doing more harm than good when we try. She's been to rehab 4 times (3 privately, 1 was ordered by the court), isn't in school, can't keep a job and still lives in our home. We had to buy new doorknobs with keys for our bedroom and her brother's. She's stolen money, jewelry and electronics from all of us. My husband is at his wit's end and wants to kick her out. This is causing serious problems in our marriage because I'm afraid if we do kick her out she will be abused or die of an overdose. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to do.
    menace likes this.
  2. Jen S.

    Jen S. Guest

    Hi NancyBL,
    Have you considered any support groups like Al-Anon for family and friends of addicts/alcoholics?
    thisizznaveen and menace like this.
  3. menace

    menace Community Moderator

    Hi NancyBL, I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story and reaching out. I am always touched when parents especially post on the message boards looking for help for their kids. If I don't offer you anything else just know that it's very admirable of you and your husband to stick with your daughter, even though I know it's hard. I went through pretty much all of my earlier struggles with my parents either completely in the dark or completely oblivious (I didn't live with them). I only wish they would have cared enough to reach out for help...but then again, sometimes ignorance is bliss when it comes to addiction and our loved ones. I am seeing a lot of great resources including sites like these to help family members cope, which is encouraging. Don't give up hope on your daughter, your husband or yourself whatever you do!
    Tonya likes this.
  4. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    Hey! I just wanted to say that I admire you guys that you still want to help your daughter after all that has happenned. It definitely takes a lot of courage to face this kind of problems and you are some model parents! I'm sorry I can't help you out since I don't know any organization, but there are support groups for sure out there!
    Don't give up on your daughter, you'll pull through! Wish you all the best!
    Jen S. likes this.
  5. NancyBL

    NancyBL Member

    Thank you for the words of encouragement, everyone.
    It's just something you never prepare for as a parent.
  6. Shannon Campo

    Shannon Campo Member

    Hi Nancy. I'm not sure if you're religious at all, but know that I will be praying for you and your family. I put my parents through it all back in my days of addiction, and I can only imagine that they felt the way that you do.

    Keep in mind that your daughter will have to make up her on mind to quit, at least in my opinion. When I couldn't "borrow" money from my parents for drugs, I began stealing and living in my car. I am glad that they were showing me some tough love back then, although it didn't do much to change my addiction. I ended up in prison, and honestly, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

    I would definitely recommend Al-Anon, at least for some support from others who are having the same issues that you are. Please keep us updated, and know that you're not alone.
  7. maryannballeras

    maryannballeras Senior Contributor

    I know that as a parent, this can be really hard. I suggest reaching out to support groups. Your husband's idea of kicking your daughter out of the house can really be harmful for her and I suggest that you rule that out.
  8. Profit5500

    Profit5500 Senior Contributor

    I know that sometimes you put someone in rehab and want them to come out clean. I mean I have heard things like this happen to people and you just have to find a place where as a family you can help your daughter conquer this addiction.
  9. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I'm sorry to hear you are in this situation. I've tried it myself but I've heard heroin is one of the harder drugs to give up, so it will really be a challenge for all of you if you really want to succeed. I'm not an expert but my opinion is that if you've already tried similar tactics multiple times before and it doesn't work then I would just suggest just doing something more drastic to change the scenery such as moving to another area or even country so that she can feel what it is to be out of her rut or cycle. Of course it would take a lot of sacrifice for you since you'd pretty much have to uproot yourself as well, but if it will works then I think you would say it is worth it in the end. Just make sure you have access to professional help wherever it is you may go should you take my advice.
  10. Profit5500

    Profit5500 Senior Contributor

    It is a stepping stone that should be treaded lightly. I'd say that the challenge is confronting your daughter. Good luck with your daughter whether she wants the help or not.
  11. stagsonline

    stagsonline Active Contributor

    I would suggest that you first talk to your husband and convince him that kicking her out will only worsen the matter. Imagine watching local news or being told weird or unfortunate things from people out there like your friends about a daughter you kicked out of your house? You love her and care for her as parents, there is no doubt about it. All I wanna say is don't give up just yet. Don't please, consider support groups which I know work in one way or another.
  12. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    Get her to a rehab facility where she cannot check out! She also needs to go to a psychologist so that they can get to the bottom of what it is that has caused her to become an addict. Once she has been in rehab for at least nine months you will slowly start to see results and with this comes tough love. She must go to her sessions weekly and you need to do this now before she ends up endangering her family too. When she runs out of things to steal she will then have big debts to pay bad people and they wont care who gives it to them. Get her the help she needs by forcing a long term rehab without a check out.
  13. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Heroin addiction may take a while to treat for a variety of reasons. I know of someone who has been to rehab countless times and he hasn't been able to kick out the habit completely. You daughter got into drugs when she was barely out of her teens so she presumably did it out of peer pressure while in school. In addition to enrolling her in rehab, i would suggest relocating in a new environment as far away as is possible in order to give her a fresh start and in the process salvage your marriage.
  14. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi NancyBL. Here is a link that can inform you But this was written in 2012 so more updated information will be more helpful to you. Please do a thorough research on supporting relapse and chronic addiction. Why don't you contact people in the same situation as yours especially known and credible authorities that can give you sound advice? Suggestions of others here as regards support groups seem to be plausible.

    I am one with you in thinking that kicking her out of the house will do her more harm than good. She is not thinking straight so she is not sensible enough to look after herself. Being a mom myself to two daughters, I can empathize with you on morbid possibilities that can happen to her.

    I will pray for your family and daughter NancyBL.
  15. Lucy

    Lucy Member

    I am so sorry you are going through that! I wanted to tell you that I am proud of you for wanting to help your daughter! Most parents would just throw their kids out on the street. :( You are wonderful for wanting to help her. Can she go to a long term drug rehabilitation program? I'm talking like the longest one you can find so she can't get out quick and just start using again.
    menace likes this.
  16. Ronsa

    Ronsa Active Contributor

    I feel sorry to hear that you have to gone through all these difficult situations. It is so admirable that you keep standing by your daughter and try to help her as best as possible. However, your efforts will be wasted if your daughter cannot make up her mind to quit the addiction herself. Probably try talking to your daughter about your thoughts may help her strengthen her determination. I know it is not easy. Hopefully your daughter can stand on her feet again.
  17. oraclemay

    oraclemay Community Champion

    I am terribly sorry to hear this and the havoc it is causing in your lives. However, a forced, long term rehab where she is unable to checkout sounds like the answer. This will also give your family a breather and enable you to regroup. This should be considered as soon as possible and I don't think she should be made aware as she may try to run for it.
  18. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    A fresh start is always a good idea in order to move away from bad apples and begin a new life where there are no outside influences. You need to use tough love here in order to save her life!
  19. shmangie

    shmangie Member

    Hi Nancy, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am not a mother, but I have a brother who is addicted to heroin and he has been going back to it every time he got clean. He has been in rehab so many times already, and has a kid that my mom and I are raising and he still can't seem to quit. My family has tried everything. But one thing I did learn is that forcing them to rehab doesn't always work. From what I heard about other addicts, who have been clean for years, that they usually have to come to the decision themselves but having family that loves and supports them helps. About wanting to kick her you, I don't really know about that one. I hope things work out
  20. Rowe992

    Rowe992 Senior Contributor

    At this point it seems that her addiction is very strong and it can become fatal. I would suggest that you get her into rehab again but this time they need to keep her for a period of time until they are satisfied that her addiction is under control and she will not turn back to heroine. Better you have her locked up in rehab where she gets professional help than to have her still abusing.