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What do you consider Nagging?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by Janie, Feb 14, 2015.

  1. Janie

    Janie Active Contributor

    What do you consider nagging, in relation to talking to a family member about their addiction?

    Some people consider going on and on about someone's usage being nagging.

    But another will consider even the tiniest statement about their usage as nagging.

    Where is the line between expressing concern and nagging? What do you say to the user who considers any conversation at all about their usage as simply being nagging?

    If usage is going on and on, and you express concern on and on, then isn't that nagging? Really, what is a person to do?
  2. RingoBerry

    RingoBerry Senior Contributor

    From the way I see it nagging is more of a mental thing. When someone nags its because they believe strongly that they are totally correct in the matter hence giving them the notion that they can pretty much say whatever they have to say in the manner that they want expecting the other person to just understand and accept.

    And concern for me means its not about who is at fault. It means stating why something is wrong just once then press more on why it should never be repeated because it can put the other person in an unfavorable situation. The talk is pressed on avoiding those situation.

    I guess what a person can do is to speak to the one usually doing the "nagging". Explain that its hard to come into an understanding with all the unnecessary emotions and words flooding out the whole conversation. A conversation means two or more people involves in a discussion, its not a sermon or a monologue.

    Well at least that's how I see it. I'm the only guy in a family of six siblings. You can only imagine the nagging I got from my elder stepsisters.
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2015
  3. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Nagging is more of aggressive approach for me since it can be repeating words and making a person realize his faults. Although hard to give exact definition cause it can differ per person's perception of it. One might think he is nagging while others will just take it as simply giving advices.
  4. rainbowguard

    rainbowguard Senior Contributor

    I think nagging implies that you are being repetitive about it. It doesn't matter if you talk to him nicely or if you talk to him aggressively as long as you are telling him more than once about his usage, it can be considered nagging. Also, regardless of whether the intention is bad or not, I think it can also be considered nagging. However, I don't see that nagging is a negative thing. It shows that you care about the person you are nagging.
  5. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Nagging has the connotation of making demands that the person should change unlike expressing concern where you truly want the person to change because it would be good for them. With nagging it's more about you. Your desires. What you want, etc. Addicts, especially those who have yet to reach that point where they realize that they have a problem will view any attempt to make them stop using drugs as nagging I believe.

    You should let that person be. You could make things worse if you keep pushing too hard.
  6. JessiFox

    JessiFox Active Contributor

    I think it depends- is it something useful and helpful, or even just meaning well most of the time? Or is it just the same statements with little to no effect everytime? To me it isn't necessarily the quantity of how often you're saying something but the quality of it and if it's adding anything to the conversation/overall context or not.
  7. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I don't consider nagging to have too much to do with frequency. To me, nagging can be what it is even if it is only said once, as long as that statement is the type that doesn't take any particular form of attempt at understanding where the recipient is coming from, and merely just an act of expressing frustration or annoyance under the guise of concern.
  8. Fern

    Fern Active Contributor

    I don't think nagging is specific to a number of times something is mentioned. I also don't think nagging can be defined very well by what the person who is concerned thinks is nagging.

    I think the definition of nagging is all about the person receiving the concern and their reaction to it. People who are receptive, appreciate the concern or at least accept it. People who feel nagged tune it out.

    I think the first time ever that you express a particular concern is NOT nagging. In noticing other instances of the same concerning behavior, I think it's important to read how they reacted to the first time. If you see something multiple times a day and are always mentioning it, they won't hear you in a really dire dangerous situation. If you stay quiet until it's important and something new or worse than usual, I think there's a higher chance that the person will hear your concern and be receptive.
  9. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Spot on rainbowguard, nagging, to me, is being repetitive, saying the same thing about five times over in a conversation and not letting things drop. Nagging is counter-productive. It just makes the "nagee" feel like they are being attacked and will cause them to retreat further away.
  10. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    Sometimes nagging can be good or bad and it depends to the person who are being nagged how they will react to what had being said to them. Nagging are sometimes expressed in a calm or polite conversations and sometimes in an aggressive or complaining conversations. If you think what had been said is for your own sake that is why they are doing this repetitive complaints against you then accept it. But if you think that the nagging is not related to any situations then that must be anger already. It depends what kind of nagging and who are the persons to be nagged like if the person is in addiction or not, if it is between husband and wife or between parents and children where nagging happened all the time.
  11. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Nagging is, in my opinion, synonymous with ranting except that the rant is directed to a person instead of oneself. If the person launches a condemning tirade and does not offer a viable solution to substance abuse, then what he or she is doing is plain nagging.
  12. grandmaof4

    grandmaof4 Member

    Nagging someone constantly is not going to help them change, or get where they need to be. Sometimes it can push the person further over the edge. Yes we all want our family members, or friends to be out of the situation they are in but in the end it's up to the person to have the will and determination to change. If someone has an addiction in my opinion you should show them you are there for them (not enabling them) as a friend to help them overcome the addiction when they are ready. Listen to them and you could learn a lot about how they feel, or what may be triggering the addiction. Most of all let the person know you love them unconditionally.
  13. chanelskii

    chanelskii Member

    I think nagging is when you continuously tell a person what to do that would be more favorable to you than to him and in a manner that would irritate the one you're talking to. Nagging doesn't help because it initiates anger which is something that you do not want the other person to feel especially an addict. If you really are concerned, talk in a calm manner and reach out. Make that addicted person feel that you are present in his life.
  14. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Making unrealistic demands on the person recovering from addiction would amount to nagging. Expecting too much from him within a short time frame would also amount to nagging. And i believe there's no bad thing like when people put too much expectations on you when you're still trying to find your footing.
  15. lulu

    lulu Active Contributor

    I feel that I have to nagg constantly about the drugs. I know they are prescribed to him and he needs pain relief but I think the doctors have put in his head this is what he has to have and there has to be another way! I think they just want to give strong meds to make their pain go away and not take the time to find a more helping drug or treatment that could be better for him.
  16. Jovi

    Jovi Member

    I believe we have to exercise the greatest patience and care in dealing with those who recovering from addictions. We should deal with people based on our past and knowledge of them. At the same time even if your friend believes that you are being nagging, you still have to express your concerns. It's all about your approach and that's why I said we have to use the greatest care.
  17. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    To me nagging is just pure complaining without giving any options for resolution. It's just plain bickering with no intent to inspire to do better. It's not constructive criticism. That's the best way I can describe it.
  18. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    Nagging absolutely does not do a bit of good. In my experience it actually made my husband use more. I believe he did that to keep from having to deal with the reality of how bad he was. When you nag an addict, it might give them a bit of a reality check, but their disease ultimately wins. The only way they can and will quit is by their own doing. It sucks, but no amount of nagging, threats, or begging will make the addicted want to stop.
  19. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Well I think it is good to state once very clearly your concern and desire for this person to be happy; have a great life and so forth. Apologize about bringing the subject up so much and that you did not mean to be a nag. This was not your intention. Put it all aside and ignore the bad behavior. You just concentrate on yourself and be happy. It will work itself out once you change your focus and clear the air.
  20. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    For me it would be if the person kept bringing up the fact I need to quit over and over, it'd be even worse if said person did this very often. I'd think it's indeed annoying. :p This is why I am trying not to nag my fiance, I figured out the nagging actually makes things worse, it is hard, but nagging doesn't solve a thing.