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Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by Adrianna, Sep 8, 2015.

  1. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    What do you love more, alcohol or people?
    It is often said that an alcoholic seems to love the booze more than the people around them. Perhaps it is a disliking of themselves or of other people. Displacement of feelings and true identity. It might be sad to think that anyone would love something that ruins their body and life more than those around them. But this is some kind of reality in alcoholism.
  2. 111kg

    111kg Community Champion

    My father was an alcoholic. During my childhool, I would often have the thought that he loved more the wine than he loved me and, I think, at least at some level, this was true.

    This is exactly why I will never touch alcohol. I don't want my kids to live the life I've had when I was their age. Nobody should go through this, actually.
  3. SLTE

    SLTE Community Champion

    People. I don't like alcohol. Alcohol makes people do stupid things, sometimes to the point that I start blaming the people for their actions rather than the alcohol. Which is, I suppose, fair to a point, as the person has to make the decision to drink the alcohol in the first place. Still, it has a controlling effect that can absolutely ruin lives, as I'm sure many people on these boards know.

    Hate alcohol. I understand just how strongly others enjoy it as a relaxant and stimulator of social exchanges, but I still hate it.
  4. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    My boyfriend is an alcoholic and I would have to say that he likes booze way more then people. Booze always comes first no matter what. Sometimes I question how he truly feels about me because of his actions. Last week we had $50 left to get is through the week. That was gas for me to go back and forth to work, food that we may need through the week for my lunches, etc. He took the $50 and bought beer and cigarettes leaving me with nothing. Luckily a friend drove me to and from work and when she couldn't I walked which is a hour and a half walk. I did without lunch because we had little food. I wouldn't take from what he had to eat but he never gave me one thought. It will never happen again because is ma going to be hiding money away. I haven gotten a birthday or Christmas gift in all the time we've been together. There is never any money but there is always money for beer.
  5. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    I have never loved booze. Even when I was basically married to the stuff I hated it. I love people even when they weren't so sure they loved me back. I made it hard for anyone to love me. I was a drunk that hated my on self that is why I stayed drunk to try, and forget about being me. So I definitely love people more booze is just a addiction to me.
  6. LoyalServant

    LoyalServant Member

    Definitely people, I've seen first hand what alcohol can do to you. In my line of work I often have to deal with intoxicated individuals and I always try to see beyond the booze, regardless of their attitude. The nicest people, when intoxicated, can become aggressive, mean, and uncontrollable.

    I can see how alcohol can be a preference for some since it offers no resistance and is always reliable. It gives you that buzz when and where you want it.
  7. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Alcohol is a nasty thing and its grip is far stronger than we realise. That's why it can appear as though an alcoholic loves the drink more than they love people. The pull, the sheer force that alcohol can have on a person can override everything else in their lives - including their loved ones.
    karmaskeeper likes this.
  8. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Well I have a different way of seeing this. People consume alcohol not necessarily because they love it but because it makes them forget reality. It temporarily wipes off the bad memories or experiences they are trying to escape from. Of course, deep down inside, they know how to love. However, for people living in an environment with little support from the people who matter, it's not that easy to face reality sober. They turn to alcohol for support instead.
  9. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    One cause of an alcohol addiction is depression, and that's really bad. Since people that are depressed already hate the people near them they resort to alcohol to actually make them "disappear", as a way of putting it. I love people, even though I suffer from anxiety I try everyday to engage into conversations with people and break out of my shell.
  10. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    It depends on what kind of people we are talking about here. There are some people whom always make me cringe, and if I were going to choose, I would definitely pick alcohol over them. But yeah, of course I do love people whom I am very much close to.
  11. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    Well, I've never been one for alcohol. Simply don't enjoy the taste although I may try out the odd alcopop. I do enjoy hanging out with like-minded folks and having an intelligent conversation. That doesn't mean that I will like every person in the room. But I do prefer good company over a bunch of alcoholic beverages.
  12. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Interesting, probably that's why I haven't had too much of a problem with it. I just never realized until recently that my parents are alcoholics. I was in denial with them as a child.
    Yeah, I posted this one because I dated someone that was an alcoholic. I watched him love that more than me. Even though i knew and felt love from him. People are all different. Well good for you for realizing you wanted better for your children. This is a good thing.
  13. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Yeah I can understand where you're coming from. What's funny about that is not everyone does rotten things on it. I never thought about blaming the alcohol. My observation over the 8 years of working as a bartender is everyone is different. It is truth serum. It amplifies the personality of a person.
    I would imagine if your experience with people under the influence was all bad it would make sense why you feel this way. I have personally seen, even in a relationship where a person was just as good a person drunk as they were sober. Ah, it is really quite interesting actually. They might be funnier or more loving something like this. But they do not do the crap that some people do. This is why I've always said it is truth serum. A jerk becomes a bigger jerk.
  14. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Yeah, now see your situation is classic of an alcoholic. It impairs his judgement beyond normal function. Not every person is going to do what he is doing. It is completely irrational. He must actually get into such a state of complete oblivion and not feel anything.
    I didn't experience it this way as you describe but you are not wrong to question how he feels. He looses touch with caring about your well being. Disrespect and disregard for you. I don't know it's not love to me. It's very selfish. A man should want to make sure a these kind of things are secure. He is existing within himself. No concern for the exterior. He needs to be brought back to reality. Almost seems like marijuana is present.
    Yeah at some point you have to love yourself. You see you probably love him more than anything and would do anything for him. You would never think to do any like that to him. It is a classic scenario. He love you but never as much as he hates himself. It has nothing to do with you. It even appears as if he is using you. He doesn't know any other way.
    Something to think about. Hope you figure this all out. Common sense says get out of that relationship. But to each his own, or her own. You deserve the best. A reality check maybe for both.
    L_B likes this.
  15. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Thanks for your comments. I am working on the new me and discovering what is and isn't acceptable in our relationship. You are right I would never do those things to him and he knows it. I never spend money on myself unless I know all the bills are paid, grocery, gas, etc. He spends it on alcohol first then worries about the rest later.
    It's a messed up situation. I still have hope that he will someday change but for now I am working on a plan and accepting the fact that we may not always be together.
  16. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    I think anyone who is an addict in any form takes that substance over the people in their lives. That is one of the unfortunate realities of substance abuse and addiction and why it is so hard on the familes and those who have to live in and around the addict. It is one of the sad realities. This is often why the addict begins to realize they need help.
  17. Chriswriter

    Chriswriter Member

    I think I used to love alcohol more than people. When I was an addict I loved alcohol more than anything, including myself. Quitting doesn't start with a loved ones tears, a does of therapy, or a health scare. It starts when you hit bottom and you make a conscious decision inside yourself not to drink anymore. When I was drinking, nothing anybody could have said would have kept me from a bottle. Believe me - My family members begged me to stop on a number of occasions and it didn't work. That's the tragedy of alcoholism, but I made a decision and I can say I love people and I love life and I hate alcohol. 6 years sober. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
  18. henry

    henry Community Champion

    I don't know if anyone has mentioned this already, but I seem to love people more when I'm under the influence of booze. Does that mean I love booze more than people? No, but I sure love booze more than "some people," that's for sure. I know people who aren't worth a tequila shot.
  19. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    You are welcome. Yeah that's good. He doesn't know any different, but that doesn't mean he won't change. There's always this big nonsense about how a woman can't change a man. This is actually exactly what we are for. If someone's mother didn't teach them or inspire them to do the right things. A woman can influence a man to be a better person. It's about what's right and wrong, nothing else. Individuality and personality have nothing to do with it. A man can still be a strong individual and learn about what is right.
    This is good to work on yourself. It feels good and is great to address things. Especially when you see change. The focus on yourself will also help in the areas of problems. Better to direct some of your attention to yourself.
    L_B likes this.
  20. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Now see you are the exception to that. Interesting that you were married to something you hate. You are kind of the mix. You did things probably to make people question how the feel about you. Making it hard for them to love you. You must have went pretty far with it. You see people must have questioned how you really felt about them. If you loved the booze more. It may have felt that way to them. Perhaps you weren't conscious of coming across that way. It's like you feel like people were more important to you, but your actions didn't show that. How interesting is that? Self awareness, now you can take a step back.