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What is next?

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by EK4007, Jun 5, 2016.

  1. EK4007

    EK4007 Member

    My husband has gone to drug rehab 2 years ago. He went to alcohol rehab 20 years ago. He is working. He lives with his mother, rent free. He does come to my home to visit, eat dinner and we have a friendly relationship. He was addicted to Xanax and barbiturates. He might have been drinking too. He gambled. He was also into internet sextexting and porn. I can only hope and pray he is not doing any more of that, I can't be his monitor. My concern is that he is not going to AA meetings, he did not get help for his sex addiction and he has no motivation for anything. I'm afraid he will relapse. What can I do or watch for if he does?
  2. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @EK4007... I'm curious about the situation with you and your husband. If you're married, why is he living with his mother? It sounds like he has had trouble with a lot of different addictions in the past, so I can understand any concerns you might have. However, you're exactly right when you say you can't be his monitor. Al-Anon teaches us "you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it." It's up to your husband to stay on the right path. You can be supportive, for sure. But you have to make sure you don't get too hung up in his situation because co-dependency is dangerous. You are the most important person in your life and you have to make sure that you're practicing self-care and living the life you want to live. If you see signs of him slipping up, I would sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Tell him that you're concerned about his well-being and ask him to seek additional help.
  3. EK4007

    EK4007 Member

  4. EK4007

    EK4007 Member

    We are still married and yes he is living with his mother. He chose to go there instead of a sober living place. I could not have him come home because I was not going to be good support for him. Also my daughter and baby grandson live with me.
    I was definitely codependent. I have since made changes for his financial independence. He was in a state of a drug fog for the first 16 months. Hardly spoke, just in this long distances stare, he did go work but with minimal work duties. Then about 2 months it was like he woke up and was back to his talkative joking self again. He just keeps saying he wants to forget the past few years and start over. But we are where we are because of what has happened in the past few years. I had been encouraging him to go to AA and do the steps. He said he doesn't want to go to meetings. I am taking care of myself and making my life plans. Thank you for your comment and I guess only time will tell if he is serious and mature enough to live a right life. Thank you again!
  5. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @EK4007... You're very welcome. And thanks for giving me some more background on your situation. There's a really great book out there called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change and I think it might really help you a lot. It's written specifically for partners and loved ones of people struggling with addiction. It talks about how to communicate with your loved one, how to motivate them to want to change, how to take care of yourself, etc. You may want to check it out.

    Keep taking care of yourself. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.