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What is the worst/biggest thing you ever forgave an addict?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by bluedressed, Jan 5, 2015.

  1. LostmySis

    LostmySis Senior Contributor

    Forgiveness is necessary for yourself, not the other person. If you harbor resentment, the other person is not hurt, but you--as it tears apart your insides. So by all means, forgive the person and try to put it behind you, but never forget the lessons taught.

    For me it was rape. And I do not go by the theory that he is not responsible because he was drunk. He CHOSE to put himself in a situation that would allow him to do such a thing--and in doing so, he not only abused me phsycially and emotionally, but disrespected me for even putting me in a position to be with a drunk.

    Do I forgive him? Yes, cause it would tear me apart today if i didn't and he wouldn't care at all. Will I ever talk to him again or put myself in a situation with someone who is under the influence? NEVER
    MrsJones and RoseK like this.
  2. RoseK

    RoseK Active Contributor

    I agree. I also choose to forgive those who hurt me deeply simply so I can perhaps start the process of letting go of some the regret, depression, anxiety, etc. I am ready to move on and continue my life. I choose to "un-pause" my life.
    MrsJones likes this.
  3. 003

    003 Community Champion

    What my aunt did to me was she got my laptop to exchange for drugs. I didn't know it, but I lent it to her intentionally thinking that she'll really use it. After she I lent it to her, it took her a week before she came back and she did without my laptop. I wasn't mad at her. I admitted it was my mistake for trusting her knowing that she's an addict. We're still close as before despite that, but I would never trust her again nor entrust her with something.
  4. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    That seems like the smartest move overall -- forgive for the sake of forgiveness, but learn from the past and do not repeat the same mistakes. Trust has to be earned and if it's broken, then the person should be content with being forgiven. If the person expects trust, then s/he might have to make up for it first.
  5. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    I don't live with my mother anymore and I have not lived with her for about five years now, ever since she was forcibly removed from our home by Child Protective Services for her verbal and physical abuse towards me and my brother and my dad as well. It's hard because she's my mother, and I have people telling me constantly that I just have to forgive her because she gave me life and she is the reason that I am alive today, but that doesn't excuse her actions and words that have hurt me for my entire life. Plus I honestly believe that neither of my parents were ever mature enough to have children, even though they were both full grown adults when they were married and had my brother and I.
  6. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    I agree just lies, and stealing. Being a drunk at a point in my life I could totally understand it. I to was guilty of doing it myself to feed my addiction to booze. So to forgive another of the same I had done wasn't especially hard. Now being hit, and beat on as well as emotionally, and verbally abused is to me a lot harder to forgive.
  7. bbeverly

    bbeverly Member

    I think it's good to eventually let go of the past. Grunges aren't good to hang onto since they may you bitter towards that person. The biggest thing I forgave was my brother who was an addict and basically dabbled in everything. We are 8 years apart. When I was little, probably sixth grade, I would be given allowance and one day I woke up with no money to be found. I knew he had taken it because he was no where to be found and couldn't be reached. For a little girl, that's a big thing to find that your brother has somehow betrayed your trust. After that, my parents kept my money safe for me in a lock box since he had stolen from them also. Over the years, he got clean and now is currently serving in the Army as his career, I have forgave him and it is a relief. Now, since we're both adults, we reflect on little things like that and can laugh about it even though it was serious at the time. Our relationship is much better and we talk when possible as much as we can.
  8. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I think I already forgiven an alcoholic uncle for making our lives difficult before. He used to stole things at home and sell it for his bad vices and we feel unsecured when he was around.
  9. Kim1414

    Kim1414 Member

    My adult stepson was watching my daughter for the weekend and he took my daughter to a some guys house to buy prescription drugs. I would not say that I have actually forgiven him for this but I have allowed myself to be in the same room with him and not scream at him. I don't think I will ever forgive him for what he did and I will certainly never ever trust him again with my daughter or really with anything. What he did was not forgivable in my book.
  10. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    My friend got into a phase where he was addicted to crack and he kept borrowing money and lying to all of us for a long time. After a while it just became less and less fun to hang out with him because he would drag us to places just to get his fix. Now he's doing fine and I'm glad I didn't give up on him, and I forgive him for all the stress he caused our group of friends.
  11. amyyoh

    amyyoh Member

    My mother called the cops on my brother once and I was absolutely furious with her. My love for my brother definitely clouded my judgement - as he was doing illegal activities. Regardless, I felt so strongly that we shouldn't get him in serious trouble.
  12. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    It saddens me to hear how difficult it is for some to forgive. I do understand the reasons why but what I don't understand is why one would contain such hate and anger for such a long period of time. Continuing to relive those painful moments over and over in my opinion is one's choice to do so, but why? Because of an apology that may never happen? Because of the trust that may never be there again?

    Would it really make a difference in your lives after all the time that has passed, that an apology would change how you feel, that trust would blossom again?

    This may sound cruel but I'm going to say it anyway, what if that person died today? Would you still harbor such coldness of heart toward them or say 'good riddance?'

    One more question and then I'm done 'Who will forgive then?'