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When Did Your Voice Finally Reached Them?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Friend' started by bluedressed, Jan 15, 2015.

  1. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    I have the feeling that helping friends out might be a more difficult problem them helping family members. Family members are your blood and flesh, they have been around for as long as you can remember. You can be relentless, you can tell them they owe it to you and to their family, you can build your plead on years of knowledge of this person and you are close to the rest of the family, making it easy to coordinate efforts and make sure that these efforts are varied, so that the person doesn't feel like running away from everybody completely.

    With friends, I always have the feeling I have to be more tentative. Push as much as the relationship allows it, try to vary my points and inspirations by myself.

    I'm also never sure what might have a chance to "get to them", having many times not this many years of experiences to rely on.

    When did your friends dropped their guard down and let you in? What is it you told them that made them understand they needed help? Is there a basic argument/expression of care you use that has the power to get through to people, no matter how close you are to them?
  2. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi bluedressed, these are a very good questions. When I think of 'guard' I think of knocking that guard down but even then you need a 'key' to get through the door. From my experiences I found that the key is a weakness. Find that weakness and it will open the door maybe not all the way but just enough to get your foot in the door just enough to loosen the hinges that's holding it up.
  3. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    Do you have any examples that relate to this "weakness" in your experience helping others? It sounds a bit manipulative, but considering I was the weakness in my partner's resolve to stop drinking, I would not condemn it!
  4. LitoLawless

    LitoLawless Senior Contributor

    My father was the biggest alcoholic in my family, and for the longest time no one ever thought that there was anyone that could reach him. After about three visits to the hospital in one week for alcohol poisoning, it was pretty clear to him that he was destroying himself. I can remember talking to him and just telling him that he would die way before he had a chance to see me and my brother become the people that he always knew we would be.
  5. Mackmax

    Mackmax Active Contributor

    Many people have told me that I have a very warm and inviting personality, so I suppose it is a bit easier for those to open up to me. What made me get through to my friend is me sitting her down and literally bawling to her about how much I love her and how much it pained me to see her go through her addiction. I told her that I love her so much and asked her why she couldn't love herself with the same strength that I loved her. This was rather bold of me, because this could've easily rubbed her the wrong way, but it did break her down and she agreed to get help. She is over a year sober now, and our friendship is still very strong.
    bluedressed likes this.
  6. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Knowing that my husband was killing himself it frightened me but I knew that he needed help. One morning he spoke to me and I liked to died. His breath reeked so bad I knew that something physically was wrong and it scared me so that my heart was racing. He got angry at me and I put my foot down and told him that he was going to the hospital right now because I was really scared that he was going to die if he didn't go now. Well, he did and they kept him for observation. When I could see him I went in shaking literally, my voice, my hands, all over. He saw this and said, 'Am I doing this to you?' And I told him that he has got to stop or he is going to die. He went into rehab and has been recovering since.
    bluedressed likes this.
  7. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    See bluedressed, my husband's guard was not wanting to be told what to do and when I put my foot down that was the key that opened the door.