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when do you guys get fed up with lies

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Friend' started by stats, Aug 14, 2018.

  1. stats

    stats Member

    My friend has lied about way too much and not possible to have a convo without questioning her lie. I feel like I am talking with Andrew Cunnan.

    Is lying something common with addicts? Is trying to live a second life common ?
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    Hey there. I have heard plenty of addicts that resort to lying about plenty of things. But I wouldn't put all of them into that category. I know once you've been lied to it's challenging to build that trust back up again. I hope that your friend will begin to see how lying hurts people and start making better decisions.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    My reply is simply my opinion and mine alone:So often time's family and friends misunderstand an addict who lie's, and I would also like to point out lieing is not something that only comes from addicts,many sober people often lie as well so again this is another stigma of addiction,however in my experience an addict that lie's isn't doing it to harm or deceive the person they are lieing to rather they often time's lie to spare someone's emotions as the addict is stuck in the middle of fighting for their lives and while they look for a way out of addiction at time's they will say they aren't doing something they are doing..this is not to deceive but often time's the addict is ashamed of themselves already and don't want other's to express equal shame as this would have a negative impact on their moral and would probably push the addict to increase their use to try and further numb the pain and shame they can't escape, also at time's they may lie about something such as their health or well being again to spare the loved one's heart from hurting even more ,so the lie is not always done for the purpose of being sneaky or whatever.Is it common for addicts to live a second life?Again I don't think this is something central to addicts and again it's another stigma of addiction. Many sober people live double lives,some have a mistress they hide from their spouse,other's hide behind mask's, and there are also those who have very sensitive, classified job's where they can't even share the details of what they do with their families,etc.Im sure there are many other circumstances where sober people live double lives and again I don't believe it is always done with the purpose of deception.Usually most addicts live double to speak and i believe it's often time's to protect friends and family as you wouldn't as an addict bring all your dope using friends over to your parent's house for Christmas, so yes these thing's happen for both addicts and sober people but if you have a friend who is an addict and you truly want to help you have to go about it from a non judgemental way with the understanding that it's going to take work and time for the addict to trust you and if trying to help an addicted love one the worst thing a person could do is criticize them as their self-esteem is in most case's already very low and pointing finger's will only make the situation worse.To answer your titled question to this thread I guess for each person it varies on when a person is fed up,however in my opinion if you love the person you never give up on them,you may have to distance yourself from them but if a person is sincere about helping the individual you never give up,that doesn't mean you have to agree with them or approve of what they are doing and if it's nothing more than a friendship and you could live without them sometimes it may be best to end that friendship, but again I believe it's different for everyone and each person has to ask themselves what is in their best interest as well as how much do they truly care.I hope your friend opens up and seeks help to break free of addiction.Stay Strong and God Bless
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  4. stats

    stats Member

    I didn't mean to single out addicts I apologize.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  5. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    No need to apologize my friend, my response was not ment to suggest that, though I can see how it may appear that way,I was simply just over explaining which I often do.I was just trying to explain that a person could be a liar without being an addict and sometimes the same person may be a liar while addicted or while sober.Sometimes people are just liars.The only reason I used the word stigma is because often time's society look's down on addicts even more than other's even if the scenarios are the same.I was not trying to accuse but if that's how I came across it is I who should apologize .Stay Strong and God Bless
    deanokat likes this.
  6. stats

    stats Member

    My friend isn't a liar because she is an addict. Her being selfish and a giant people pleaser has just as much to do with it.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Some people are just pathological liars. That's a real thing. Maybe that's the case with your friend, @stats. Have you had a conversation with her about her lying? Just curious.
    True concern likes this.
  8. devastated1

    devastated1 Member

    Of course it is
  9. devastated1

    devastated1 Member

    Of course lying is common amongst addicts. Everytime they use, they lie to themselves. If they live amongst others who are not users, they lie (often just by omission) by hiding the addiction. Sometimes, the lies aren't intentional, because they have a distorted sense of reality and they think it's the truth. From first use, when they say "only one time" or "I can handle it" or my favorite, "I'm only hurting myself"...i-i-i-its a lie. Be careful.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.