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When is enough enough?

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by Myers10, Nov 15, 2016.

  1. Myers10

    Myers10 Member

    My story is long so please bare with me. My husband (who is a recovering addict from pain pills) and I have been married 9 years and we have 3 beautiful children 7, 4, & 3. When we first got married I had no clue of my husbands hidden drug abuse but within the first 6 months of our marriage and him draining our bank account and him failing a drug test at work the truth finally came out. His work had him go to get treatment to keep his job which at the time was a family owned business. He just did some out patient treatment and didn't take it serious and even tho he had stopped the pills for the time being his drinking started to get worse and worse. So 7 months into our marriage his family and I decided to do an intervention and he accepted and went to inpatient rehab in Cali. (we live in ohio) He had to start in detox then he did i think 30 days in there then decided to come home instead of doing the next step they recommend. At first things were great he continued to go to meetings and we attend the recovery service at church and then we got pregnant with our first and things seemed to be going so good! Once our son was born we found out soon after he was born with congenital heart disease and would need open heart surgery before one to fix his heart and that he would always need care for his heart and more surgeries throughout his life. We both took this very hard esp my husband, he would always say i finally clean my act up and look where it gets me. Things slowly started to change i noticed his behavior just so all over the place. He would be up then down and just al over the place. His dr then prescribed him adderall for adhd and tramadol for pain and things seemed to be better not how it was before but better. about three years ago some things happened and he made some really bad choices and got into some legal matters with his adderall and had to find a new dr and so subsequently he was taken off the tramadol not by choice but because now a dr won't prescribe it to him but he did find one that would give him adderall. that was about three years ago now forward to now and things have done a complete 360 and are so bad! We now have three babies and we are all suffering! My husband is never happy never has motivation to do anything yet he says that is what the adderall is there for. He went to his dr about 6 months ago telling her how he feels and she actually reduced the script by 5mg and it has been absolute HELL since then! he says it doesn't do anything for him and he never has motivation always wants to sleep when he can so mean and hurtful everyone and everything is out to get him! Ive been accused of working with his dr and the pharmacy to switch out his meds which obvisouly I'm not and can't even do! He's said the pharmacy is switching out his pills and he isn't even getting what he should. He is constantly mean and hurtful and i just don't know how much more i can take! I have stood by him thru so much in our 9 short years of marriage and we have been to hell and back many time for him and his addiction and watching our son have multiple open heart surgeries! In july he quit his wonderful job with his family business bc things got really bad and honestly you can't even blame the company bc what he had done! At one point he just didn't show up for work on a Monday and wouldn't pick up any calls from anyone or let anyone know where he was and let me believe he was at work until while out with our three kids i got a phone call from his mother asking if i knew he didn't come to work and to make sure everything was ok bc he wouldn't pick up the phone for anyone. Finally heard from him and was just out driving around doing whatever and said he was teaching them a lesson he didn't show up the rest of the week and then the next week he quit when they were going to give him another chance but he didn't want it. Now he has another job and I'm afraid he's going to lose it bc its not family owned and if he isn't doing what they hired him to do they have that right! He actually texted me today saying pray for him bc his boss just had a talk with him bc he wasn't working up to their expectations and he was upset! Thats all i know at this point about that! If he is anything like he is at home then i can't even blame them! Like i said he has no motivation puts no effort towards anything can't complete a simple task doesn't want to spend anytime with the kids lately bc his fuse is so short! I guess where I'm getting at is how do i make him see what these meds are doing to him and that he needs help again! Whenever i bring up his meds and how they are making him be he just doesn't want to hear it says he just needs it upped back where it was and blah blah and he also orders some "herbs" online 100 pills every two weeks! I feel like at this point if i continue to stay and he doesn't do anything about it I'm hurting our kids! They don't need to grow up in this environment any longer! Im a stay at home mom to them and we live away from all of my family! So i guess my question is how do i know when enough is enough how do i make him see what we all see! He has burned bridges with all his friends most of his family and its just gotten so bad! I feel like I'm handling this all on my own and its so hard! Ive tried to talk to his family but they are never much help. I talked to the guy who helped us do his intervention and he mentioned that it sounds like another rehab may be in order but husband will have nothing of that sort bc in his eyes there is no problem bc he is prescribed the meds and he says he takes them as he should. Sorry this was long and pointless but I'm so at my breaking point!
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Myers10... Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing with us. No need to apologize for the length of your post. Sometimes it takes a lot of words to tell our stories. I'm really sorry you're experiencing what you are with your husband. Loving someone who struggles with addiction is incredibly challenging, as you already know all too well.

    It's very hard to convince someone to go to treatment--or, in your husband's case, back to treatment--if they don't want to do it. The best thing I can suggest to you is to sit down with your husband and have a heart-to-heart talk with him. When you do this, don't be confrontational and angry, but speak with love and compassion. Studies show that this is a much more effective method. Tell your husband you're concerned about his health and well-being; tell him how his behavior affects you and your children; and let him know that you will love and support him if he gets some help and works to get himself well.

    Of course, there's always a chance your husband will still resist treatment. If that's the case, then you will have to make some tough decisions. You're a stay-at-home mom, so I'm guessing that leaving with your kids would be a huge challenge. But you might have to take that challenge if things don't change. The current situation isn't doing you or your children any good. You have the right to live in a happy, stable environment; and your kids deserve to grow up without the fallout from your husband's addiction. Believe me: Growing up in a household where there is a parent with a substance use disorder will have a lasting effect on your children.

    There's a really good book out there called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for partners and loved ones of people struggling with addiction and it's full of super-helpful information. It teaches you how to communicate better with your loved one, using empathy instead of anger. It talks about how you can help motivate your loved one to want to change. And it helps you understand why taking care of YOU is the most important thing you can do when you're dealing with someone else's addiction. I think you should get this book ASAP and read it. I think it would really help you.

    I would also recommend that you find a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting in your area and attend it. Being amongst other people who know exactly what you're going through can be so helpful and comforting. You will quickly learn that you are not alone.

    We are here to help and support you however we can, my friend. We are also here to listen, so anytime you feel the need to come here and vent, please do. In the meantime, I am sending you positive vibes and big hugs full of hope. You and your children deserve that. Please, please, please try your best to take care of YOU.
    ToKenbetrue likes this.
  3. JulieGarcia

    JulieGarcia Member

    Hey guys.. Happy New Year :) Cheers!!
    deanokat likes this.