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When is enough?

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by Mya824, Feb 6, 2020.

  1. Mya824

    Mya824 Member

    I just joined in hopes to talk with someone going through the same situation. Almost 2 years ago, I found out my husband was using cocaine. When we met he told me he’s done drugs in the past but that was in the past. I was okay with that because I had experimented way back too. Long story short after I found out I was pregnant I found out he was using. He promised me he would stop for are family and I believed him. He hasn’t stopped. He has admitted he has a problem but only a small problem since he goes to work, is finically stable and doesn’t do it all the time. He does it (from what I know) every 3 weeks and he lies every time and I always find out. I feel like I’m always searching and i always hope I’m wrong but I never am. I finally left a few months after our daughter was born but came back a week later after listening to how sincere he was about getting help and of course I wanted to believe him. He has relapsed again and I just want to help him. I don’t want to keep leaving because he is a good man that needs help. Does anyone have any advice on what and where I should go from here?! It’s crossed my mind to just pick up and leave and let him hit rock bottom but he has no family support and it kills me he can’t seem to get better. If you have read this far.. thank you
  2. Kingsma0610

    Kingsma0610 Member

    Hello,
    I'm sorry that you are going through this. My boyfriend of 7 years is also a good man, but drugs change people. I'm also at the point where I have to choose whether to stay in his life or not. I should mention that this past Sunday he overdosed in the home where he is staying and when I found him he had stopped breathing. Never in my life did I ever think I would be doing CPR and watching the "man of my dream" dying in front of me. Not in this manner anyway.
    He is now 4 days sober and I fear the worse.
    My best friend's mother died of a heroin overdose and I confided in her my same concern. This is what she said.
    "You have two options. You stay with him until he dies of an overdose and you will be devasted. Or you be selfish, because he is selfish in his addiction, and you leave now and spare yourself the pain of knowing he is getting high or dead. I chose to stay with my mom until she overdosed and died".
    The thing is....this is no longer making sense in my head and I struggle because I know that as long as he knows he is loved he will always have someone or something to lean on. On the other hand, if he feels like he lost everything wouldn't that make him dive deeper into his addiction? Would it even make a difference? These questions are on my mind all the time.
    I do know this much, i'm tired of living on the edge, with anxiety and worry. As much as I love him, I haven't felt his true love in about 3 years. After this overdose, all I can think about is him dying. This is no way to live and I'm just trying to figure it all out as well. I'm sorry you are going through all this. You are not alone.
  3. Mary310

    Mary310 Member

    Hi ,
    I know this was written a few months ago but as I was reading it was all too familiar. I’m here today doing more research on addiction as I wonder if my boyfriend is dead or alive , sick as hell or sleeping. He’s a alcoholic and cocaine addict. He says he isn’t but after dating him for a year I’ve recently become less naive . His texts last night were absolutely insane, nothing made sense and I’m leaving him on Monday if he doesn’t get help . He’s been binging 4 days straight. I haven’t replied to him in days . Everyday he calls me and texts me telling me he loves me and misses me .. that’s all great but nothing changes . I too was unaware he was an addict , we’d go to dinner and have drinks but nothing unusual. Then hey let’s go to my favorite bar before we go on our date , then we’d wake up hey let’s go have breakfast there too . Wtf?? Then it turned into sending me weird texts , months later abusive texts (of course he claims he couldn’t remember a thing) how convenient. So as soon as those texts started coming up I absolutely confronted him about it . Then admitting to the alcohol and cocaine binges comes out . Absolutely mind blowing. The lies and disrespect , I felt like my world wasn’t real . Now I’m 6 months in with an addict who is also my best friend and a great guy . He was sober for a good 6 weeks than those weird text messages start coming again . What a blow to my nervous system . Since then he goes a few days here and there were he’s sober and we start rebuilding trust . As soon as I go visit my family or friends he’s out at the bar and proceeds to binge . I found him texting a girl to meet up for drinks so I moved out . He says it was friendly but her name was saved under “Danielle bar hooch “ and that’s when I realized what this mans addiction was Capable of .. destroying my entire being if I let him . I know I will never trust him again , I know what kind of man I want, I know that he’s not going to change. His addiction is too powerful and I cannot fight the lions within him . I’m leaving him and I’m crushed about it but I’m tired Soo very tired of the pattern, the pain , the lies , the relationship we don’t have because he won’t get help. I’ve tried so very much , I know exactly what you ladies are going through and I don’t wish that on anyone, I also don’t wish addiction on anyone but I am powerless and I found it is time for me to surrender and fight for myself and my peace. I do not have the tools to overcome his addiction it’s not mine , it’s not my journey, it’s not my battle , it’s not within my control . It took me a year and so many tears to finally get it . When he hits bottom if ever he’ll get help if not he’ll stay this way or worse . It doesn’t get better on its own that’s not how addiction works . Sometimes I wonder how his body and mind can take such beatings with the drugs and alcohol everyday . I pray for him but sometimes I hope he gets in trouble so he’ll have a few months of sobriety, then I believe if he’s clean a few months he can get into treatment and counseling. I do believe that’s all he needs .