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Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by ecaep, Oct 17, 2016.
Hi I'm Sorry to here about the situation you are in, it must be hard loving someone so much and seeing them waste there life, I know personally without my girlfriend I would never be in the place I am now, she really saved me, but I also witnessed her struggle and seen what it did to her, the truth is abusing drugs will make you a really selfish person this is a really hard thing to see when your always high, if you have children the situation is even more tricky but at the end of the day you have to do what is best for YOU, you have already done more by the sounds of it than most would even dream of doing, I wish you all the best and stay strong
Thank you! Yes I have done more than enuff! But I've always been taught to never give up on the ones you love. I love him beyond words! And it DID bring me down! To levels I's never have dreamt! I ended up getting addicted to opiates. Thet made me happy. A "fake" happy of course, but it made me not care and worry so much about him. But I wasn't really happy, and I KNEW that I didn't want to live life having something so strong take ahold of me. So I searched & found help. He promised me that if I went to rehab, he would go too, but it didn't end up that way. He's ALWAYS made broken promises, and I can't STAND that!! There's nothing more I hate than broken promises. Other than addiction of course. I've also believed that I met him for a reason. I always believed that god had put me to cross paths with him to help him. May not be so, but that's what i've always believed. It KILLS me that he is doing this! Hurts me soo bad! And it hurts his daughter as well! It hurts my parents that it's hurting us. I just don't know where to go from here. He is locked up right now because he broke promises with his probation. As of yesterday. So he will have some time to dry out. But I don't believe that is good enough! I WANT so badly for him to go to rehab & get the help that he needs after all this! I can't keep living like this if he doesn't change though. I know that I need to live for my daughter and myselfs health. For the better. But I just honestly DON'T KNOW what to do after this! I can't imagine living life without the man I'm suppose to be with! I wouldn't know how to live anymore. Someone PLEASE give me some advise
@ecaep... I'm very sorry to hear about what you're going through with your boyfriend, but I'm glad you reached out to us. Loving an addict can be one of the most incredibly challenging things anyone can do. No doubt, you know that from experience.
It sounds to me like your boyfriend just isn't ready to quit using coke. As hard as that is to accept, if he doesn't want to change, it's very hard to persuade them to do so. It can be done, but it's not easy. One thing Al-Anon and Nar-Anon teach is: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. It doesn't matter how much YOU want him to change. He has to want it for himself.
I think it would be a good idea to for you to detach a bit from your boyfriend. Just step back and try to let go a bit. As Melody Beattie writes in her book Codependent No More: "Detaching does not mean we don’t care. It means we learn to love, care, and be involved without going crazy." You have to do your best to avoid becoming hopelessly addicted to your boyfriend's addiction. If that happens, you will both end up suffering greatly.
You need to take care of yourself. I suggest you go to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting. Being amongst other people who know exactly what you're going through can be incredibly comforting. I would also suggest you read some good books on the subject of addiction. There are a handful of books that I really like and I write about them in this blog:
6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One
The Beyond Addiction book is especially good, because it's written specifically for partners and loved ones of addicts. It offers some great tips on motivating your loved one to want to change.
We're here to help and support you any way we can. I know you're in the midst of a storm that seems like it will never end. It can end, but your boyfriend is going to have to play a huge part in it. If he's not willing, then you may have to make some tough decisions about how YOU want to live your life going forward.
Reach out to us anytime you need to. We will give you advice, support, or just listen to you vent. That's why we're here. In the meantime, I'm sending you positive vibes and hugs full of hope. Lord knows you deserve them. I will keep your boyfriend in my thoughts and prayers as well.
Love and light to you both.
Good evening. I joined this group as this is very new to me. I reconnected with a classmate after 30 years, this past August. We had some discussions about his past battles with drugs and alcohol. At the time he was going to classes order for probation. Ironically, now that I do the timeline it was 1 week post class completion that he disappeared. My mom was admitted to the hospital for major surgery that day. That even he had text and said he would see me at home but he never showed up. Would not answer the phone. I was scared to death. I did not even think it was drugs. He showed up 3 days later. Late that evening. Yes. I was angry. He gave me the story some drug dealer that he owes money to held him at gun point. i could t understand. I couldn't wrap my head around it. He avoided me all week. This past Thursday I went by his job only to be told he had left at lunch. Once again, he has been gone. I sit here typing this praying he will come home tonight. His parents are worried for him. I am concerned. I too, feel there was a reason our paths crossed. My Faith has my saving grace. I did go through the "drug area" Thursday as I drove I thought just what would I do if I came across his truck?? I told myself how crazy I was for doing that. In my heart I care and love him. I've never been in this situation. I appreciate the books mentioned and I will get them in hopes of gaining an understanding. Thank you for allowing me to atleast write this and maybe get some understanding
@Funnyface71... Thanks for sharing with us. I will keep good thoughts for your friend. Addiction can certainly make people do things they wouldn't ordinarily do. Just remember: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
Love and light to you and your friend.
ecaep- I feel like I just read my life while reading you're post.
I have been with my boyfriend for 15 years we have 2 daughters and he has been using crack for about 10 years now. I love him so much but I am dealing with a difficult situation and I know only I can make this change. I am paying all the bills because he is not capable of having money in his hands, he lies, has been aggressive lately if he asks me for money and I don't give it to him. I don't want my kids to live this and I am just so stressed and depressed. I am scared what will be of him if we are not around he has no family who actually realizes he has an addiction. In Miami there isn't many rehab centers for those with no insurance. He was an inpatient in one location and was told he did not have an addiction so they released him, he realizes when sober what he's done after being aggressive and says he is tired of living this life but there is no where to turn for help with no money or insurance.
This is a difficult challenge and I like you feel like we have been chosen to deal with this for a reason. I am a strong person but I am human and there is so much I can take and allow my kids to be put through cause if I suffer so are they .. They can see it in my face and feel it in me as well. I'm not the person I want to be.. I want to live a calm happy life with my kids and between work, school, kids and dealing with him I am drained and always bitchy. I just joined this site to speak with others like me I have no one to talk to about this I hold it inside and pretend we are living a fairytale when reality my life is just a mess.
Welcome, @nv2814. Remember: YOUR life matters, too. You definitely deserve to live that happy life with your kids. So take good care of yourself and your kids FIRST.
Come here anytime you need to, my friend. We're here to help, support, and listen.