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When is it time to let go?

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by Scopp, Jan 1, 2015.

  1. Scopp

    Scopp Member

    I had a very close friend who is a heroin addict. I tried to be the best friend I could be to her, and at times I felt like I was the closest person she had in her life. But trying to be a supportive friend seemed to always put my life into chaos. I haven't spoken to her in quite a while, but I feel guilty about that.

    I'm looking for some helpful insight, as I'm sure many of you have been in a similar situation.
  2. Sarah

    Sarah Member

    I think that you can only help someone that wants to help themselves. I think that you made the right decision to distance yourself from her because your life was descending into chaos as a result of her addiction. You can let her know that you are there for her and her friend as you have, that you will support her. But there has to be change and until she is ready to make that change, you can't have her in your life as it's destructive to yours.
  3. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    If you're feeling guilty only because you haven't visited your friend that will pass. If your friend hasn't contacted you since your last visit then it's time to let go.
  4. NikkiDesrosiers

    NikkiDesrosiers Senior Contributor

    As much as it hurts you to watch her go through life like this - you can only help someone who genuinely wants to be helped. Let her know you care - and that you want to be there for her - but that you have to distance yourself from her until she is ready to make a change because of the negative impacts her addiction is having on your life.
  5. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    Everyones situation is different. My relationship with my friends is different as well. I have always been a person of tough love. I do try and make an effort to help my friends, and I do sacrifice my time and effort for them. But there will come a time when you have to cut off the cancer. After repeated attempts and failures, what else are you going to do?
  6. Mackmax

    Mackmax Active Contributor

    Like other posters said, you can only help someone who wants to be helped. There is no sense in putting your time, advice, feelings, and perhaps even money into someone who does not appreciate any of it or even use it to better themselves. If you helping her as put your life into chaos, it was a good decision to let her go.
    Love and care are like oxygen masks on an airplane- love and care for yourself before you ever love and care for the person sitting next to you. You made the right decision in letting her go in order to care for yourself and keep your life out of chaos. I know it was a very hard decision, but the feeling of regret will pass.
  7. Fern

    Fern Active Contributor

    I agree with the people who said you can only help the people who want to be helped.

    Another important thing is that you can't help others if you don't take care of yourself. This particular person doesn't want help and you have a right to take care of yourself. Next time when there is someone who actually wants your help, you'll have the reserves to help and the experience to recognize it. I can see it was a difficult choice for you and may still be difficult but it doesn't have to be all bad. Learning to care for yourself by cutting off someone who makes life chaotic is an important skill.