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When Parents Are Alcoholics . . .

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by Rainman, Sep 16, 2015.

  1. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    Parents have to fix there own problems before they can help there kids. You have to be an example first. If you have parents who are alcoholics they can't help there kids stop drinking. Most of the time people have to lead by example. If you can prove you don't have to drink all the time your kids most likely won't either.
  2. 111kg

    111kg Community Champion

    Not really. My father was an alcoholic and I really hate alcohol. The last time I drank half a beer was in 2010. Trust me, if parents are hardcore alcoholics, if their children are even fairly intelligent, they'll get to despise alcohol. Just like me.
  3. JakeLamotta

    JakeLamotta Active Contributor

    No you cannot reprimand your kid about something that you do yourself and specially when you are open about it. It's like a gambler cannot advise anyone against gambling.
  4. 111kg

    111kg Community Champion

    I beg to differ again.
    Most of the professional gamblers know when and how to take risks. This is why most of the top 25 gamblers can actually give wonderful advice as long as people are willing to follow them without disobeying any of the rules. It's just a matter of self discipline, as much as we don't like to admit it.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    My wife and I both quit drinking seven years ago when our son was in rehab for heroin addiction. In a family therapy session, the therapist told us, "Be the change you want to see in your son." Best advice I ever got. And advice I recommend to parents all the time. You can't tell your kid to stop self-medicating when you're doing it yourself.
  6. x9859x

    x9859x Member

    Parents are definitely an example for their child/children. No matter what may occur, the child usually mimics the actions of their parents. I grow up as a kid whose parents were divorced. I saw my dad during the summers and sometimes during the holidays. When I was little the only time I spent time with my dad was whenever we went to parties on the weekends, and usually then he would just continue drinking his beer. I never felt like I was a part of his life, and for that reason I started to drink. Many people told me drinking kills, and so I drank even more. I hated that my dad was not around and so I drank and drank until I came to realize that drinking is not going to help me solve the issue I have. I told my mom I witnessed my dad drinking countless of times, and that I began drinking as well. I received the help I needed, and wasn't allowed to see my dad anymore. My mom made the decision that my life mattered more than me witnessing my dad constantly drinking.
  7. This post is a bit confusing for me. How does the idea that if the parents are alcoholics the children should also become alcoholics? It doesn't. If a child becomes an alcoholic, then it is their choice. It is still harmful. It is still illegal. It is still not right.
  8. eveliner

    eveliner Senior Contributor

    So, let me get this straight, because it's confusing me lots. You are saying that if your parents are alcoholics, kids are prone to the same habits as well? Isn't that a bit, I don't know, oblivious to say? Surely you are very likely to drink alcohol as well if you have such bad example surrounding you daily, but in the end, it's up to you to determine whether the respective habit is bad or not. You can't scapegoat anyone in this very specific case. Yes, not even your parents.
  9. PLP Rob

    PLP Rob Active Contributor

    Wow. Tough question. It's difficult enough to help another person stop drinking, however the two of you are related. But if you yourself are drinking, there's just no way. Not gonna happen. Don't care what the relationship is, and by the way, my hunch is that the children of alcoholics tend toward a kind of recalcitrance that makes it even more difficult to follow what their parents say once they become adults. Bottom Line: Either the parent stops drinking and the child *decides* for himself/herself to follow suit, OR the parent keeps drinking, in which case the child must break away, live on his/her own, fend for himself/herself, and end the addiction apart from Mom and Dad.
  10. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I think it definitely adds a difficult component to a child's life when both parents are alcoholics. In saying that though, I've heard of circumstances where it has gone both ways. You have some people that will fall into the addiction as well, and some that seem to take the opposite path and want nothing to do with drugs or alcohol because of how it impacted them growing up. It does make me think about nature versus nurture and whether one overrides the other or if it's a combination of both.
  11. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    As a child of a recovered alcoholic, I think it can go either way. I can see how for some children, they do what they have seen as acceptable behavior growing up, and follow in their parents' footsteps and drink. However, some children may see how detrimental their alcoholic parents' behavior is to the family and other people around them. Having positive influences in the child's life is important for the formation of the latter.
  12. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    It is my experience that children of alcoholics go one of two ways, either they never touch the stuff, or they become alcoholics themselves. There aren't too many that have a healthy relationship with alcohol. My grandmother might have a glass of wine with a holiday dinner, but she never drank on a regular basis. Her father was alcoholic, and a few of his sons struggled with alcoholism.
  13. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    My father was an alcoholic and it turned me away from alcohol completely. I think this ties in with us having our own choices and make our own decisions. I know that being around an alcoholic parent can really encourage someone to grow up and do the same, but it's not always the case. Sometimes people stand up and fight the good fight. It's hard though. I think people are capable of growing up with alcoholic parents and making it out without the addiction.
  14. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    I think there's little hope. It's hard when that's what you grow up around and your parents are supposed to be the ones setting a good example.
  15. Amelie Santos

    Amelie Santos Active Contributor

    My father was an alcoholic, my mother is not. My brother and I are lucky that we didn't turn out to be alcoholics ourselves. We were also lucky because my dad was never violent. He actually became gentle and vulnerable when he was drunk, whereas when he was sober he was strict (but loving) and he didn't hesitate to spank us when we broke the rules. He just had too much responsibility on his plate, and drinking was his way of forgetting for a while. It breaks my heart to read your stories - I couldn't imagine my parents betraying us like that. I hope we all find ways to heal.
  16. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    Al-Anon is a fantastic organization that has loads and loads of information for you to look at and support groups around the world.
    I highly encourage you to seek them out or recommend them to children of alcoholics.
  17. Amelie Santos

    Amelie Santos Active Contributor

    Was turning away a struggle for you? Or were you so put off by it from the start that saying no to alcohol was just a natural progression? I used to drink in high school and college too, but thankfully I never got addicted to it. However, I'm beginning to realize that food may be my and my brother's crutch of choice. I'm glad you're fighting the good fight with such strength and confidence. I aim to be like you some day.
  18. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    It is sometimes difficult to control our children when we are alcoholics. They will think that that is how people live and they might be influenced into taking alcohol. I think we need to do it away from home. We should not keep alcohol at home or even smoke near our kids. We should avoid taking a lot of alcohol to the extent of being abusive, that behavior might be copied by our children.