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When Pills Destroy Your Marriage

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by ChloeDawn, Feb 15, 2016.

  1. ChloeDawn

    ChloeDawn Active Contributor

    I was married to a man I thought I knew for 13 years. Then things went horribly wrong. His mother was diagnosed with cancer and passed away 6 months later. Understandably, this nearly destroyed my then husband. Less than a year later, he was in so much pain he could barely walk. His knees were deteriorating and his doctor said he was not a good candidate for surgery. Instead, this insane doctor prescribed his 3 different narcotics and 2 muscle relaxers for the pain. This was the beginning of the end of our marriage.

    For awhile, he took his meds as prescribed. The pain continued to get worse and he began taking steroid shots. The shots did not phase the pain so little did I know, my husband started doubling up on his pills. I began to notice that he ran out much earlier in the month than he used to. He began staying up all night so he could sneak and drink while I was asleep. He slept all day long and had very little to do with me and our two children.

    I started counting his pills. I realized that he was running out of all his meds within the first 7-10 days of the month. This terrified me. I talked to him and begged him to get help. He denied he had a problem. I hid his meds thinking if I only gave them to him as they were prescribed things would change. He would find them and take more while I was gone to work. I would ask him if he had taken more than he was supposed to. He always denied it. I counted the pills again and again and again and realized I was being lied to all the time.

    Finally, I could not take the lies anymore. I told him that he had to get help because he was letting this addiction tear his family apart. He acted like I wasn't even talking to him. After dealing with this for over two years, I told him I wanted a divorce. He was devastated. But still not devastated enough to get help. We separated and then tried to reconcile a couple of times afterwards. After all the lies, my feelings were not the same. I had not trust in this man that I truly believed I would spend my life with at one time.

    The ironic thing is that a year after I realized there was no saving our marriage, his doctor decided to perform the knee surgery. He eventually got off the pills and was able to go back to work. But by then, neither of us felt the same. There had been bitterness between us over our kids and the fact that I had tried to move on with my life. We got divorced and I am now in a happy marriage myself. He is in a new relationship and I honestly hope it works out for him. He wants to repair his relationship with the kids and I am praying that he can.

    There will always be a part of me that asks why this ever happened. What purpose is there for an otherwise happy family to just shatter like this? I don't have that answer. But I will say this, if someone who truly loves you shows concern that you may have an addiction problem, it is possible that you do. Please get help and don't let your world come crashing down on you. Life is worth so much more than the fix anyone can get from an addiction.
    gracer, xTinx and L_B like this.
  2. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    I am so sorry to hear that and thank you for sharing your story with us. Pain medication can be so dangerous and doctors do not realise just how easily pain killers can become addictive it happens so easily and the next thing you know those are not strong enough anymore. They find other things to get them feeling the high that they felt the first time and it never happens so the fight begins. Lying, stealing whatever else is bad they will find and your life as you know it is over. Love is strong but it often has to be tough because to live in a home with addiction is not a life at all.
    ChloeDawn likes this.
  3. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Well at least he is not addicted to pills anymore and he can now work again, but it is indeed a waste that your marriage fell apart because of his lies. I guess you guys were never destined to be together for a long time that's why it happened. The love from both sides is gone now, so there's nothing left to do than to move on and try to forgive past wrongdoings for the sake of your kids.
    ChloeDawn likes this.
  4. bretthuda33

    bretthuda33 Active Contributor

    A big part of his problem may have been the resistance of taking the drugs he thought were truly helping him. It is bad enough for a person to have to cling to anything like pills, but then to feel like they are doubly wrong in their efforts to try and get better would be a devastation. All you can do at this point is try to forget the past and not worry about the future because it all exists in the moment we call now.
    ChloeDawn likes this.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @ChloeDawn... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing so openly with us. I'm sorry to hear about what your husband's addiction did to your marriage. Unfortunately, addiction affects so many more people than just the addict. It's a family disease that touches everyone. You did the right thing by taking care of yourself. Sometimes you can only try to convince your loved one to get help for so long. Sometimes you have to save yourself and move on. That said, I'm glad to hear that your ex is off the pills now. I wish nothing but the best for everyone going forward.
    ChloeDawn likes this.
  6. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    [/QUOTE]There will always be a part of me that asks why this ever happened. What purpose is there for an otherwise happy family to just shatter like this? I don't have that answer. But I will say this, if someone who truly loves you shows concern that you may have an addiction problem, it is possible that you do. Please get help and don't let your world come crashing down on you. Life is worth so much more than the fix anyone can get from an addiction.[/QUOTE]

    This is so true! I love these words. So many people wait until they hit rock bottom before they change things around when in reality if the addict got help when it was first noticed to be a problem, life could have been so much different. It is sad what happened to your once happy family and marriage. I am glad though that you are happy now in your new relationship. You deserve to be happy. I wish your ex all the best and hope that he is able to repair all the damage that has been done.
    ChloeDawn and deanokat like this.
  7. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Hello @ChloeDawn! I am so sorry about what happened to your previous marriage. Knowing your story made me realize a lot of things. First of all, no matter how much you love a person or how long you've been together, when drugs enter the picture, it's going to take a lot of faith to save a marriage. Even if you did your best, salvation couldn't be guaranteed. If the other party doesn't cooperate, something's bound to break. Nevertheless, you stuck it out with him but unfortunately he tried to turn his life around when it's already too late.
    ChloeDawn and deanokat like this.
  8. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Thanks you so much for sharing your story, I'm s sorry things had to end this way, but I am glad to read your now ex husband is at least trying to patch things up with his kids. I believe that is a great sign. Best of luck with everything and check in.
    ChloeDawn and deanokat like this.
  9. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there, @ChloeDawn! Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing. It's sad to know your relationship ended that way, but I am glad you're both happy in your current partners now. It's also a good thing that he's trying to make things up with the kids. All the best to you.
    ChloeDawn and deanokat like this.
  10. ChloeDawn

    ChloeDawn Active Contributor

    Thank you all for your comments. It means so much to have a place to speak freely about this. I basically had no one to talk to when I was dealing with it because I did not want my children to ever think I was putting their father down in any way. It feels great to be happy again and I hope he has found true happiness too.
    deanokat likes this.
  11. akiram13

    akiram13 Community Champion

    I am sorry that you had to stand by and watch you previous husband hit rock bottom. I am glad though that you both in the end have found some one and are trying to work things out for the children. You are strong woman and no one can say you didn't do the best you could. I hope things get better for the both of you even if it is not how you pictured it. We all have a right to happiness. GOD Bless
    deanokat likes this.
  12. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Thank you so much for sharing your story @ChloeDawn. :) It is a bittersweet story of how addiction destroys relationships that were once so perfect and pure. Addiction is the stain that destroys the purity of marriage and family. I'm so sorry that your family had to experience it but I'm also glad that you guys have all moved on from it. You and your ex-husband's relationship may not have worked well but at least you now have someone who can help you heal all the pain you've felt before and same is true with your ex. It's a good thing that he is finally recovering from addiction and he also found a new beginning. I wish both of you and your kids the best in life.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    That's really sad. I'm so sorry for what happened with your marriage. Drug addiction has destroyed a lot of lives and it continues to do so. Your marriage may have ended, but it is not the end of everything. You have moved on and in new relationship, and your husband is already free of his addiction. There may have been bad experiences for the both of you because of his addiction. But I would like to think that there are good things that came about because of it. I wish you more happiness and I really do hope that he can patch things up with your children.
    deanokat likes this.