An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

When to stop seeing a friend?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Friend' started by caparica007, Oct 8, 2014.

  1. caparica007

    caparica007 Active Contributor

    Campbell, you've offered help, if he doesn't accept it it's up to him now, no need to get dragged by it.
  2. kbroder9

    kbroder9 Member

    I struggle with how much to help a friend who has had a lot of problems with drinking, eating disorders, and light drug use and has been back and forth to rehab several times. She seems to have distanced herself from her old friends, probably because she doesn't want to get pulled back into bad habits, but I'd like to safely reach out just for support. Does anyone have any suggestions for this?
  3. LostmySis

    LostmySis Senior Contributor

    When you say "I don't want that life anymore" it made me wonder if perhaps you also have a problem and are in recovery. If that is the case, then you need to distance yourself form this person to keep your own sanity and sobriety. It may seem harsh, or cold, but do not put yourself in a bad situation for someone who is not even trying.

    kbroder9, "people, places and things" is a slogan that describes the things that get you back into old and bad habits. If she is distancing herself from the bad people who are toxic to her sobriety, then that is a good thing. She knows she had problems, or she would never have sought help. Just calmly and in a non-judgmental way tell her you respect her attempts to sober up, and you are there if she needs to talk. That is all you can do. If she gets belligerent, drop it. But she might break down crying, needing someone to talk to.
  4. GenevB

    GenevB Community Champion

    Depends how much do you believe in your friendship, you can stick with it to the end, and try to help him or you can get rid of him, I'm not sure how much of a friend would you still be to him though. But you should not feel bound to him, if you want him out of your life because he drinks, then who am I to tell you you shouldn't?
  5. caparica007

    caparica007 Active Contributor

    It's all a matter if the friend wants to be helped, seeing someone we love degrading day after day is a painful process.
  6. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    I hate to be the one the one telling you this, but yes, its time you called it quits. Seeing that he's an adult and presumably mature, it seems to me that he has already made up his decision and no pressure from you will make him yield to your advice. I would advice you to cut your loses and focus more on your life.
  7. WAVWirmer

    WAVWirmer Member

    If the drinking is causing you such trouble you can try and bring it to his attention. Let him know how you feel. If you feel his drinking is getting out or control and is causing him problem them you should be more immediate in bringing it to his attention you may be able to save him before it beyond his control.
  8. caparica007

    caparica007 Active Contributor

    Yeah, I've realized that on my own, I need to follow my own way and even if I want to help him, I need to help myself first, I need to get myself clean.
    bellahpereira likes this.
  9. coeck

    coeck Member

    In my opinion this is definitely not the end of your relationship with your friend. Maybe he likes to drink when he's with you because he feels safe and he can count on you to have a good time. And if it's not affecting your alcohol consumption i wouldn't really worry about it. I think it's better that you stay with your friend and try to have some good conversations with him when he's completely sober. Don't judge him, but tell you what it makes you feel.
  10. bellahpereira

    bellahpereira Member

    If your friend is indulging in habits that you want nothing to do with, you need to let them know of the consequences their actions may bring. In my opinion, you need to sit down with your friend and tell them you two need to have a serious conversation. You need to explain to them that you really no longer want anything to do with that lifestyle and that you cannot tell them what to do, but you'd appreciate it if they don't bring that lifestyle near you. And make it clear that if they do try to bring you into it, that there will be consequences no one will like. It's unfortunate to end a friendship, but it's even more unfortunate to be dragged down by the people you love. You need to make your voice heard and make them understand that you don't want anything to do with it. From there, it'll be their choice.
  11. Sar.bear

    Sar.bear Member

    If he is a really close friend he may need your help. If you can't help him, maybe find another mutual friend or a family member that can help him. Its a rough road to go down but the decision to quit starts with him. Maybe show him how he is hurting your friendship somehow. Or maybe only invite him to things that he has to be sober at, like a movie or the mall, someplace public and show him that he can be happy without being intoxicated. I hope he realises he is hurting his friends and decides to change. Its not too late to give up on him.
  12. caparica007

    caparica007 Active Contributor

    Yep, that is true, we can discuss it openly if there is the possibility, but sometimes there is no opening to talk so we need to think about ourselves as well.
  13. Daniel Lucky

    Daniel Lucky Active Contributor

    Truthfully some relationships can be harmful and what might seem mean might just be the right decision. When we see friends or loved ones start doing things that we don't agree with or that are harmful to them its hard to cut them off but its for the best. Honestly you really don't have to cut them completely off just step back a little and offer some positive advice. But never join in destructive behavior or feel bad for making decisions not to. Good Luck!
  14. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    You can try to help him instead of leaving. You know, in such situations it's very important to have someone to listen to you, your problems and why are you drinking. If you don't help or at least try, this habit can evolve into something more dangerous. You can even ask your other friends for help, if he won't listen to you, but the idea is that every helping hand matters and you should do it before it's too late.
  15. Saji

    Saji Member

    Try to talk some sense into your friend and pray for your friend. However, I strongly suggest that you avoid him if he does not listen to you as his bad habits might rub off on you. You see, as a friend, who have the responsibility to help your friend. But you also have the right to protect yourself. By exposing yourself to alcohol, you are increasing the risk of getting addicted. Good luck :)
  16. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    If he is a long time friend, hard to just toss him away in your life. Try to figure out why he is drinking and try to offer help to him. Try to convince him that it will never be good for him to drink that much. I think you should stop seeing him if he will be hard on you and also causing your life to be a mess.
  17. caparica007

    caparica007 Active Contributor

    Thanks Saji, that's how I see it as well, I can't help anyone if I can't help myself first, so I need to start somewhere.
  18. maxprime94

    maxprime94 Member

    I do believe it may be... Sad to say but sometimes people just don't believe their worth changing. One of my good friends was a heavy drinker during high school but like a lot of teenagers, that's what most do. Although he never got out of it... We have all moved on and he's still stuck in the party every night stage. Which includes getting wasted and then becoming aggressive towards anyone in his view. I had to let him go because he was going to eventually bring me down and I already have a lot going on in my own life...
  19. Glen

    Glen Member

    While it is important to not follow him, try to help him realize what he is doing. Prove to him that he is taking a bad path, and attempt to alter it. Show concern for him, and maybe he will change. It's crucial that you be gentle when confronting him about it, as it might ruin your friendship completely and drive him to drink more. If nothing works, let him be. Just make sure that you don't follow him. Be aware about yourself.
  20. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    You could try and tell your friend that you are not happy with this and that the drinking is too much. If he or she doesnt want to stop and you are not feeling comfortable then you will hav to distance yourself for a while until he comes to his senses or needs to get help. Getting help comes at a price and it is not easy to fix your life when the damage has been done, so before you damage your life, leave it and go to where you can avoid getting into a dark place that takes years to come back from.