I can hear in your words you faced a lot of what I'm facing. I've always been overly dependent on him even when he's treating me like garbage-it's crazy. I've never had therapy because that meant having to admit something is wrong and I have never been able to admit what has been going on. What will people think, etc. When I worked at least I could see other people living normal lives. Not perfect but not this hell. Now that I am home all the time, I have no release to feel sorta normal. I got ot pretend like I had normal problems too like how our husbands were messy etc. I never told them my real reality. They would have been horrified. I just want a life without the focus of everything being his drug use and the only person who can do anything about it is me. He doesn't want to change or for me to chnge either. I will go to a meeting. Will my going to a meeting alert the authorities or anything?