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When you say 'Yes' to Others...

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by irishrose, Apr 3, 2016.

  1. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    When you say 'Yes' to others, make sure you are not saying 'No' to yourself. I came across this great quote online today, and thought that it can apply to addiction or to anyone's life situation. When we commit to someone else's request (friends, family members, loved ones, acquaintances, coworkers, etc) we sometimes lose precious time for ourselves, or we commit to something that may not be healthy for us. Sometimes it is okay to politely say 'No,' in order to maintain our own health and well being. It's okay to say no sometimes, especially if the request is going to put you at risk of ruining your recovery.
    Donnchadh and kassie1234 like this.
  2. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    So, so true - and something that I've had to work on getting better at. Honestly, I think a big part of me was afraid to say no, for a very long time. Even if saying yes involved doing stuff I didn't want to do, meaning that I wasn't prioritizing my time, looking after my health, or putting my best interests first. I guess I just worried about offending people, being seen as not fitting in, or letting people down.

    Crazy, right?

    I'm much better at it now, though - but it's still something I have to work at.
    Donnchadh likes this.
  3. Vinaya

    Vinaya Community Champion

    I never say yes just because i want to please other people. I say yes only when I want to say yes. You must have courage to say no. Most of the time people get into bad habits just because they cannot say no. The most important thing to do in life is your ability to please yourself. Whether you say yes or no, it should always please you.
  4. Belovedad

    Belovedad Active Contributor

    I don't find a problem with putting yourself first. Actually I believe you should always put yourself first. Many people blindly negate their own ambitions to help others with theirs. It's not problem to say yes, but do so with consideration for yourself.
  5. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    This is absolutely right that we should never say "yes" if we feel it is not right for us to do so. We should always be direct to the point to say "no" or "I can't do it" to avoid the feeling of disappointment and to be sorry for yourself in the end. You should live your life for yourself and not for anyone else. We should not always say "yes: just to please anyone. There is a right time to say "yes" and to say "no". It doesn't mean that when you say "no" you are already unkind and a selfish person. All of us had our own beliefs and thinking as a person.
  6. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    I was like that when I was young. I can't seem to say no to anyone asking for a favor. My parents taught me that I should be helpful to others. But it came to a point wherein I was putting the needs of others above my own. My cousins told me that I shouldn't be so nice because people tend to abuse my kindness. And it's the sad truth.
  7. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Many addicts who attend parties often are pressured by friends to "have a little fun" because having one or two drinks won't make a difference. It does. Should the recovering addict acquiesced to said demands then that relapse might demotivate them and they'll be back to drinking like they used to.

    Learning to say "no" is very important because in situations such as the one I described above, saying "no" actually makes you stronger.
  8. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    Many times we just go along with our pack of friends and that might get us into trouble. That is why it's so important to have a close relation with our parents to receive proper guidance.
  9. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    I do agree. People who can say 'No' have self discipline; you cannot please others and yourself at the same time; it is impossible. In order to live right and live well, there must be a thin line between what people want and what is good for you.
  10. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    It's okay to say "No." It took me a long time to learn that, but I'm glad I did.
  11. SashaS

    SashaS Community Champion

    This is definitely true. When I was in High School this one guy came to give us a talk on drug abuse and he said that there is no such thing as peer pressure. Its your decision at the end of the day and you just need to be strong and smart enough to know when to say no. It's obviously much easier said than done, but with enough self-control and determination, as well as education on what could happen if you say yes, you can do it.

    If you find that difficult, get other friends who know better. Sometimes you need to change the little things in your life because they actually have a big influence.
  12. djdrug

    djdrug Community Champion

    You have to douse a fire in your own house before running to your neighbors house. It absolutely works. This is what time management and resource management really boils down to: can you or can you not say no to people?
  13. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    Yeah, we need to be smart and think about ourselves. We need to think, is this something good for me or am I just doing this because of peer pressure?
  14. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    This is definitely for me. I am such a people pleaser that I tend to say "Yes" despite people taking advantage of me. I am trying to change this attitude of mine, but it's so hard especially when I was already like this for years now. I tend to think more of how they will see me rather than how this can affect me. Even if the task is too hard for me, I'd still say "Yes" because I wouldn't want to disappoint people.

    Baby steps... I'm getting there. But it's hard when all your life people have taken advantage of you. I am naturally shy and timid, maybe that's why they know I cannot say "No." It is frustrating and everyday I wish that I don't see or talk to such people because in the end, I'm just too weak to disagree with them.

    I hope one day, I'd have the courage to say "No..."
  15. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    That really can hurt you coolkidhere... If you are saying yes just to please others what are you doing to yourself? Habits are hard to change, but when we realize something is wrong we are already changing.
  16. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    I want to share this quote from my favorite author, Anne Lamott, with you all:

    "Don’t let anybody make you do something you do not want to do. Don’t allow someone to utter 'yes' for you while you’re still undecided (say 'I’ll think about it'). And do not allow anyone to ever tell you that 'No' is not enough. It is.

    'No' is a complete sentence.

    Saying no is a right we all have. Use it."

    --Anne Lamott
    oportosanto likes this.
  17. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    Good quote right there, a big speech can simply be terminated with a no, we don't know anyone anything!
    deanokat likes this.
  18. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    True, it doesn't hurt to say "no" at times, especially when it's for a good reason, like to work on our self-improvement. Sometimes we must think of ourselves first before we think of others.
    deanokat likes this.
  19. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    So very much true. There are things that have priority and being alive and healthy is one of those, if we don't put that first we are in trouble.
  20. bhu

    bhu Active Contributor

    I like this one a lot! For so much of my life, whenever anyone asked my help with something, if there was any way I could, even if it pushed me to the point of stress or beyond, it had always been too easy to say yes. As a result, I have ended up in tight spots, where I was overcommitted in support of others, with nobody supporting me but myself. And at that stage, I wasn't doing a great job supporting myself. Then I had an awakening about the giant mess that created, with nobody to blame but myself for not setting realistic boundaries. So now, while I still make mistakes once in a while and say yes a little much, I also make an effort to practice saying no. I try to define and maintain healthy boundaries that leave me a safe amount of space to properly care for myself. And it seems to be working ok so far.