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Where is rock bottom?

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by Methisevil, Sep 12, 2017.

  1. Methisevil

    Methisevil Member

    So many people use the term rock bottom. I've been living with 40 year old meth addict for almost 4 years. Nice person when sober but he's been using meth since he was 18 altogether with his own mother. He admits that he has an addiction, he lies, he cheats. My 18 year old daughter moved out of my house because she couldn't stand it. He went to jail for 6 months, lost the custody of his children. I helped to get it back for him, which was not easy.
    But he is still doing meth and pot . Promises a lot but does so little. Did not he hit rock bottom already?
    I went above and beyond trying to help him quit but I cannot stand cheating anymore. Should I keep trying or shoul I let him go? I feel like I am wasting my life .
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2017
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Methisevil... "Rock bottom" is a tricky term. For some people, it can mean something like you've described your partner went through. But for others, "rock bottom" can be something way worse; it can even be death. That's why I don't necessarily agree with people who say someone has to hit "rock bottom" before they get help. For some, rock bottom is too late. Period.

    Whether or not you should stay in this relationship is something only you can decide. I would just remind you of what Al-Anon and Nar-Anon teach about a loved one's addiction: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Only your partner can make the decisions he needs to make to change. If he doesn't want to do that, then your hands are kind of tied.

    You have to evaluate your feelings...because YOUR life matters, too. If you're unhappy, then maybe it's time to detach, at least for a while. Your happiness and well-being should never be dependent on the behavior of someone else. Always remember that.

    I'm sending you lots of love and light. And hugs full of hope, too. If you get a chance, pick up a copy of the book called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's the best book I've ever read for partners/parents of people struggling with addiction. I think it would really help you.

    Big hugs to you.
    Methisevil likes this.
  3. Methisevil

    Methisevil Member

  4. Methisevil

    Methisevil Member

    Thank you for your response. It makes sense. His mother has been doing meth since 18 and she is already 62. She is beyond repair and recovery. I guess she will be smoking meth till death. That would be her rock bottom. Like mother like son. We had an agreement that he supposed to quit by 40 , and if everything goes right get married etc. He was never able to stay without meth for more than a months. These days were good , the rest was torture. If it was only a weird behavior ,then 3 days of sleeping, I would continue fighting ... but it was non stop cheating as well. I kicked him out of my house today and I am going to attend Nar- Anon meeting on Thursday. The only thing I am afraid of that I will miss him and I will take him back. I have to do something to prevent it from happening. The question is what?
    Thank you for the hugs!!!
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Methisevil... I'm proud of you for having the courage to do what is best for YOU. And it's great that you're going to a Nar-Anon meeting on Thursday. You're taking steps to improve YOUR life, and that's a wonderful thing.

    More hugs coming your way. Go forward, be brave, and keep the faith!