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Which is the hardest step?

Discussion in '12-Step Support Groups' started by keekz38, Apr 20, 2015.

  1. keekz38

    keekz38 Member

    In your opinion, which is the hardest step in a 12-step program? What makes this step the most difficult, and why?

    Good luck to anyone who's still on their journey to completing their 12 steps!
    MrsJones likes this.
  2. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    For many people going through with me, the harder step is believing in God after having falling in this devastating addiction alcohol is.

    This is step 3, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

    For me, however, the harder step was step 1, " We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable."

    And this was basically because I thought to have enough willpower to stop drinking at any time, only to find myself being dominated by alcohol again and again, and this is what many people do; believing one single shot is going to be the sole drink of the day.

    Even though, after tasting again alcohol, body responds asking for more and, yes, you can control the second and the third... After which you found yourself in rampant addiction again.
  3. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    My husband and I were just speaking on this yesterday. How difficult it is for one to admit that they can not control their choice of substance but believe in themselves more that they can.

    The one thing that I saw with my husband was that he always agonized over not being able to quit using. This was something that I could not help him with and I knew that he had to find his way on his own.
  4. lulu

    lulu Active Contributor

    They need to help people on prescription meds with depression!
  5. vincelucker

    vincelucker Member

    The hardest step has to be acknowledging that you have a problem. Most drug users deny that they have any problem and thus fail to seek any intervention which will help them control their urges to use drugs.
  6. TristanDH

    TristanDH Member

    I saw my friend having a lot of trouble with the step eight, because he knew he had hurt his parents' feelings a lot. I think that it's hard when you hit rock bottom and hurt everybody around you to make peace with the fact that you're the cause most of the time.

    And there's always the fear of not being reciprocated, because making amends is a two-way solution: what if the other person can't get over of what I did to her?
  7. movingforward1

    movingforward1 Active Contributor

    I think the hardest step is the one where you confront the people that you have wronged and try to make amends. This can actually be very harmful to the person who is in recovery, because it dredges up guilt, which might make them want to use. It seems like a lot of drama for nothing.
  8. Mr.B

    Mr.B Member

    Yeah. I came to say this as well. Very tough to make amends when your still trying to find out who you really are now that you are sober. Definitely makes you feel guilty which can lead to relapse. I see a lot of people having issues with this step, just like I did.
  9. juno

    juno Community Champion

    I also agree that the hardest step is confronting those you have wronged. It's like you are working towards healing yourself and you have finally been able to admit you have a problem and then you go and throw yourself at the Wolves. You are already vulnerable and this part may tip you over the edge if it goes really badly with someone you face.

    However, I think the step has its value in that it teaches you that you can't just leave everything behind and completely be a new person. Some parts of your life and things you did will follow you, so it is better to deal with them and learn to cope with the pain while in treatment, so that you learn how not to fall off the wagon when you face such problems in everyday life.
  10. Er. Yash

    Er. Yash Member

    Yeah it's really difficult to surrender..
    But we need to understand the disease of addiction. We should not use or drink just for Today. No Matter what!!
    thats what a 12 step program says..
  11. mooray

    mooray Active Contributor

    Admitting that you are powerless as a man is really hard. Hands down. That is the hardest part foe me.
  12. PLP Rob

    PLP Rob Active Contributor

    For me the hardest bit is admitting I'm "powerless," as I simply don't believe that to be true. Sure, alcohol contributed to making my life unmanageable, but at the end of the day, as difficult as it seemed to stop drinking, I was not powerless to do so. The fact that I was able to stop is the proof.
  13. MsLucy

    MsLucy Active Contributor

    I never really payed attention to what all of the steps were when I did attend a program. However, I believe the first step is the hardest. It is seemingly impossible to get over the shame, hurt, & guilt. Also coming to the realization that there is a serious problem that I have to face & concur.
  14. Donnchadh

    Donnchadh Active Contributor

    Hiya. The hardest step by far for me was the first step. Why? Simply because I didn't want to admit defeat. Nobody really wants to admit that they're powerless over alchol or drugs. But once you do there hope. After that there are 11 more steps some can be difficult some easy it really depends on the individual and how they approach them.I didn't even bother with the rest until about 3 years into my recovery.the important thing for me was to keep going to meetings and listening. The 12 steps now are a part of my life that I have to keep practising until the day I die it's the only thing that is keeping me sober. Like I said they're all different for everyone.if your thinking about doing them i suggest you find a good sponsor. How? Simply by taking your time and listening to others who have already been there ☺