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Why are you an addict?

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by denise13337, Jan 16, 2016.

  1. denise13337

    denise13337 Active Contributor

    I'm here because I've spent almost my whole life battling my addiction. It hasn't destroyed me but it does exist, always in the background, 24 hours a day. I used to blame everyone else around me as a way to never put the responsibility on myself. Yes, I am a product of my surroundings. I had a rough childhood, difficult parents, and abusive relationships. I am not ashamed of my background, I am ashamed of the decisions I have made. I had the ability to be better than who I am today but I chose not to. I'm past blaming myself, now I just want to know why. Why is it that I am an addict? I don't exactly know. Maybe I need to be numb from the pain I experience every day. But I feel like if I had a better understanding of why I would be able to have better control of myself.
  2. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Hi there, thanks for sharing your story with us! We are always here to help, just a click away :) I think you have come to the right place, because the only person who can answer that question is you... and the only way to reach that answer is self discovery. And guess what? This is the right place for it! I've come to discover so many things while participating n here, like the realization that I definitely have a problem and how I exchange one addiction for another. I also think I know why I ended up getting addicted in the past.
    gracer likes this.
  3. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    That's the point @denise13337!

    Our addictions make us blame just about everything and while it is true that sometimes our surrounding contribute with our wrong decisions, we must not blame them for that; it was always our choice pick the addiction or let it pass by.

    Here the most important thing is that you have reached the point where you are aware of all this you are saying, because your understanding will make easier the battle. All of us who have been addicted, have that little background battle going along with us everyday, but it's understanding of oneself what contributes to make it easy to defeat.
    JonnyMacdonald likes this.
  4. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Hi @denise13337! :) Welcome to the forum and thank you for trusting us and sharing your story with us. I second with @Tremmie when she said that the only person who can answer the questions that are still bothering you right now is you. You have to come in to terms with yourself and reflect on the things that has happened to you and the decisions that you have made before. It is hard to go back to the past especially if it was a very painful one but facing it is the only way for you to be able to move forward. Reflect on your past and learn to forgive yourself of your mistakes. Then and only then will you be able to find the answers to your questions, maybe not all at once but slowly on a step-by-step manner. I wish you luck in finding your answers and don't hesitate to come back here every now and then whenever you need someone to talk to. We are all here for you! :)
    JonnyMacdonald likes this.
  5. LoveEcho

    LoveEcho Community Champion

    Hey, like everyone else has already said, thanks for sharing your story. You're absolutely right... it's there every single day... 24 hours. No matter what's going on it's constantly in the background. Even when you're not thinking about it, it's never far away. That's the sad truth of addiction, even when you're recovered... it's never gone. It will never be truly gone.
    JonnyMacdonald likes this.
  6. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    My husband had a rough and abusive upbringing. He blames everybody for his addiction but himself. His addictions may have lead to it but he is an adult and he continues to use. It is his decision to do so. He knows how much it is hurting his health and our relationship. Rather then deal with the past he would rather blame it for where he is today. I think if he went to counselling and was able to deal with his past then he would be better able to deal with his addiction.
  7. denise13337

    denise13337 Active Contributor

    At this point in my life I don't have anyone else I can blame for my problems. Yes bad things happened in my past but it's the past, if I had someone in the present holding me back I feel like it would be a different case. But right now I give into my addiction and I say it's because of my past, but the past is no longer there it's a memory it's not a real concrete thing that can physically make me do the things I do, I think what I'm asking is how do you move forward from it. Maybe the reason I'm an addict is because I live in the past and I don't want to, yet I cannot escape from it.
  8. Juanpeace

    Juanpeace Active Contributor

    Sister Denise, I am glad that you are taking responsibility for all your actions and not blaming anyone for whatever the situation you have been in the past. These are clear signs that you are taking a positive move to wellness and recovery. I will pray for your continued strength and perseverance to escape addiction. I hope in the future you can help others in a similar predicament. God bless!.
  9. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Denise13337, I can't say I fully understand everything that is involved with addiction, but I do know that life is about choices no matter our background or current situation. Undeniably our environment and our past can help to shape us, but the decision ultimately rest with us. You seem to know why without perhaps immediately recognising it, so I think it is time you kept moving forward and allow yourself to embrace all the good things the future holds for you.
  10. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there, @denise13337! Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing. I am sorry to hear that up until now you've been struggling with your addictions. I believe that it's not too late for you to change yourself for the better. Instead of trying to put all the blame on yourself, and dwelling in the past, why not consider recovery, and look forward to the future. You can do it. We would be more than willing to help, and support you. Keep us posted. All the best.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @denise13337... My thoughts and prayers are with you, my friend. I'm wondering: Have you tried counseling? So many times addictions are the result of underlying issues...often from our past. If we can identify those root causes, and work to come to terms with them, it can help us overcome our addiction. Talking to a therapist can really go a long way toward achieving inner peace. I was skeptical before I tried therapy, but it ended up making a huge difference in my life.

    Thanks for sharing with us. Please know that we are here to help and support you however we can. Feel free to reach out anytime you need to. In the meantime, I'm sending you positive, healing vibes. And a virtual hug.

  12. I consider myself an addict because I can't spend a day without smoking. I just enjoy it too much, I guess.
    It's such a shame that all types of pleasure on this planet aren't healthy and good to you... if they were, it wouldn't be so bad to smoke, and you wouldn't have to deal with the pressure from your parents to stop, simply just stop, smoking.
  13. denise13337

    denise13337 Active Contributor

    Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite because I read other people's issues on the forum and I try to give advice/next steps but I'm struggling myself. What gives me the right to give advice as if I've gotten this all under control.
  14. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @denise13337... I get what you're saying. But I feel that giving advice to others is kind of a subliminal way of giving advice to yourself. So think of it that way. By helping others, you're helping yourself, too.

    I'm glad you're a part of this community. :)
  15. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Why am I an addict? I think because I haven't figured out other ways to self soothe that work for me. I am a lazy person and I am going to do whatever feels good in the moment...and worry about the consequences later. It is not a mature way to be and is quite self destructive. I have to care enough about myself to manage my addiction. I am working on that.
  16. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Keep working on it, @kgord. You're worth it.
  17. danjon

    danjon Senior Contributor

    Really for me it was always about the drink. I've had other addictions, but nothing like alcoholism. Didn't start drinking at a particularly young age compared to my peer group either (though that's not saying much), but I was heavily into the downward spiral by my early 20's. Still trying to stay sober all these years later.
    deanokat likes this.
  18. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I only call myself a former addict now as I do feel confident with how far I have come in the process of recovery. But why was I an addict?

    I guess several reasons. First and foremost I didn't think alcohol would have the control over me that it did. Initially I thought it was just a way to feel more confident and have a good time - boy was I wrong.

    I was lonely and insecure and I guess that exacerbated things too. Alcohol made me falsely confident and falsely hid the loneliness. Not a good combination.
  19. Vinaya

    Vinaya Community Champion

    Out of curiosity, we try something. During the first few attempts, we are excited about the high we get, and the slowly we become an addict. Addiction is inspired by the society we live in, for instance, friends, family, movies, tv and music.
  20. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    To answer your question, I think you just made a bad choice in life that's why you became an addict. Don't blame yourself. It is never too late to start over and rebuild your life. Try to go to rehab or counseling to further help you in your attempts at recovery.