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Why Can’t I Quit Weed?

Discussion in 'Marijuana' started by lonewolves, Jun 4, 2018.

  1. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Unfortunately you are correct,him coming back and going on Meth is going to be a very toxic environment for my entire family.No there hasn't been any discussion about him staying somewhere else because there is no one else that will allow him to stay with them my mom is the only one he can stay with and it sucks because he exploits my mom's concern for him.He has her convinced it helps him with pain and he needs shoulder surgery.He says none stop that pain medicine doesn't work for him and my mom promised my grandma before she passed that she would look after him so my mom feels obligated,it's a very bad scenario and my mom has told him several times he can't be at her house on meth so he will get high and wait until he is coming down and hungry and then my mom feels bad for him and let's him back in.He knows how to make my mom feel bad and he uses her promise to my grandma against her.He told her he has gotten close to God in jail so I will stay positive about it as best i can and i pray he stays sober and if he does i am fine with it and i know everyone can change so at this point i will hope it all works out and give him the benefit of the doubt until I have a reason not to.It's very stressful but either way i know i am done with Meth regardless,i have zero interest in ever touching it again
    lonewolves likes this.
  2. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Nooooooo, so sad that he will be entering your life again, True (@CMMW, I also use that as their name in my head). I hope Uncle False (see what I did there?) finds somewhere else to live, and leaves your family alone.
    Cametobelieve0202 likes this.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    I totally understand the stress, @True concern. I'm sorry about that. I'll pray that your uncle has maybe made some changes while he was in jail. In any case, I'm glad to hear you have zero interest in meth these days.
    lonewolves and True concern like this.
  4. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    To funny,i understand why you pick first name as that's what you know me as but just because my screen name is "True"doesn't make everything t say to be.I'm not saying i have lied or anything like that on this site but just the thought of how that screen name feels is a bit stressful because i'm not trying to paint that type of a picture as i'm only human and what i type is my opinion or personal experience.I'm just a struggling addict,i don't mind that's how you know me as i just wanted to clear that up for my own feelings about myself because i'm not trying to suggest i'm more honest than anyone else.Ok so now i obviously understand your concern as i share the same concerns but i assure you i will do the right thing and i believe the right thing is to give him the benefit of the doubt until given a reason not to,beyond what i already know of him that being said i pray he stays on track with being sober even though he had no choice in getting sober because he was in jail but he has a 3 month jump start on sobriety and i pray he uses that to his advantage.It's odd to me to type this as normally i would be pointing the finger at him and blaming him but the good news is i am now in control of my sobriety and i will not allow him to have an impact on my decisions in life any longer.I will however stay aware of what's going on with him because it effects my entire family not just myself and i will not allow my little sister to grow up the way i did.I have to stay sober to ensure she is treated correctly and is not effected by drug use or alcohol use and i will make sure she is not effected
    Cametobelieve0202 and deanokat like this.
  5. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    So I don't know how I missed this thread but I'm in agreement with everyone that it's a bad environment for you to be in with your uncle coming back.
    Not because you would relapse, I actually believe that you won't. But I'm thinking about how you are trying to cope with anger issues. And that certainly is not conducive to a relaxing and friendly atmosphere. My prayers are with you @True concern.

    @CMMW I went through all of the paperwork I have saved from my trips to rehab, 4 in total.
    And I had heard that exact same statistic. It was grouped in with something I got from my third trip when a group from Alanon came to talk to us. I don't know if its from their specific literature or if it's just something that they were showing us to get us to realize the severity of our situation.
    The more I read your posts the more I think that as far as categories of addiction level go, as @Dominica stated, the more I think we fit into the same catagory. I read your posts and the level of urgency is almost palpable as I can tell you feel the same way about addiction as I do. I don't remember where but I posted somewhere that as long as you think you have it beat and are all done and there's no possibility of you relapsing then most likely you will. That your addiction is right around the corner doing pushups. I know personally I'm always on gaurd, not fearful but aware. I like your posts as you're very aware of the dangers of relapse. And give no quarter to the notion of relaxing after detox and slowing down the healing process. Because we are never healed, like the NA text states, we cannot cure our addiction, we can only arrest it. I believe AA says the same thing but I'm not sure and I don't have an AA book.
    I know that I haven't ever craved the feeling I got from alcohol but I was dependent on it to the point of having to go to inpatient detox because of it. But the way you speak about addiction sounds identical to @True concern, and me in the way we have struggled with other substances.
    I guess all I'm saying is that I can relate and I'm glad you're here.
  6. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Huh...I understand your concern now,i must admit I didn't consider my issue's with anger.Yes you are correct if he wrongs my mom's trust yet again that will piss me off instantly and the results of the anger varies at time's,here recently i've been able to maintain my anger through running however at a cost my (knee) so...well I don't know...i have to think
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  7. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    I know that I used to get angry to the point of blacking out, usually, no eveytime I went to jail it was because I was pissed about something. Usually I would get mad because I was crashing on cocaine and couldn't understand why I kept on doing coke when I knew I would end up spending all of my paycheck and be left with nothing but an empty wallet and a horrible comedown.
    But lately that anger has been resurfacing and this scares me as I am clean, so why does this anger feel so intense? The good thing is because I'm sober I can catch it before I fly off the handle, but the bad thing is that its there to begin with and I have absolutely no reason to be feeling these fleeting angry feelings.
    deanokat and lonewolves like this.
  8. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Just be patient with it because anger is affecting me at times as well and i have done alot of thinking about it and what i keep coming back to is i'm pissed off certain thing's are the way they are and ultimately i can only blame myself as i have wasted soooo many year's of my life and i can't change thing's at the snap of a finger so all i can say and what i have to remind myself of is It takes time
    deanokat and Josh111187 like this.
  9. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @CMMW... We're freelancers who work for the website. We were recruited based on our advocacy work in the recovery community, both online and in-person.
    Cametobelieve0202 likes this.
  10. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    That's really amazing. I knew that you dealt with addicts given you said that you're son is a recovering addict I think, correct me if I'm wrong. What kind of work do you do outside of this website that deals with addiction.
    I ask this because I was going to go back to college and get my engineering degree. But after some really clean time not clean time with a few hiccups, but being really sober, and enjoying this site, and NA, being a contributing NA member, I can't help but feel I have been spared an addicts death to help others.
    So as of now I have put my semester on hold because I'm seriously thinking of changing majors or not going back altogether, I don't need another degree.
    And I would like to help addicts.
    lonewolves and True concern like this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Thanks, @Josh111187. When my son's addiction first presented itself, I decided to be totally transparent about it. I wanted people to know that addiction can and does happen to anyone. So I started talking and writing about it. That led to me starting a personal blog (link is in my signature line), and that led to more writing and speaking opportunities. I've written for a lot of websites--sites like The Huffington Post, The Fix, Shatterproof, To Write Love On Her Arms, Heroes in Recovery, etc.--and am a volunteer parent coach for The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids. I never looked for the advocacy work I do; it kind of found me. I am passionate about educating the public and helping to break the stigma associated with addiction (and mental illness; my son struggles with severe depression and anxiety, too). I also do whatever I can to help addicts and their loved ones cope with this disease.

    @Josh111187... Definitely look into helping others. I know you'd be great at it. And giving something back can be so rewarding. :)
  12. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I understand exactly how you feel on this topic,i too believe there has got to be some good that comes out of the bad decisions i have made
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  13. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    About the anxiety, how has your son been able to deal with that? As Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and then Accute Panic Disorder is what has gotten me on so many mgs of benzodiazepines. And it doesn't matter what benzo it is I take there comes a point where they just stop working, it really does not matter how much xanax valium klonopin temazepam ativan... I've had them all and they are all like the alcohol I end up taking them to keep withdrawals away. Have you found a solution to anxiety as some days it can just be a crippling condition.
    lonewolves and True concern like this.
  14. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Unfortunately, we haven't found a solution for the anxiety. He's tried a lot of meds, does therapy, has a psychiatrist, goes to Emotions Anonymous meetings, etc. But he still struggles mightily with anxiety (and depression). It's been a battle for a long time. Wish there was a magic cure for it. *sigh*
    lonewolves likes this.
  15. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    Same here, but at least I just learned about the emotions anonymous meetings I'll check and see if there is something like that around here.
    Its Atlanta, there's gotta be something like that close by, and I think I would get some support from others with severe anxiety if I could just feel nothing more than that connection that @CMMW was talking about.
    Because there's anxiety, and then there's ANXIETY, I've got the second like an unwanted attached limb. Thanks for that I'm going to Google it now.
    lonewolves and True concern like this.
  16. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

  17. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I am so sorry to hear this,i will pray for you all and i do hope they figure out something on anxiety i have seen what it can do first hand as my wife struggles with anxiety attacks.
    deanokat and Josh111187 like this.
  18. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    That made me laugh my as× off "an unwanted attached limb"hilarious
    deanokat likes this.
  19. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    Man its about the best analogy I could come up with on the fly.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  20. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

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