I've posted already about my personal story, but there is no one I've ever admitted to about why I got clean at first (outside of having my daughter). I think it's time that I open up a bit about that. I had a friend in high school that I was VERY close to. We told each other everything. We smoked a lot of pot together, but that's as far as we ever went with drugs. He was my best friend, though, for about three years. I still have never been closer to another person. He moved away for a few years, and when he came back to the area he hit me up. At that time I was a user of cocaine, but had slowed down my use by A LOT. I probably hadn't used in a month or two when he and I actually hung out. He bought me a bottle of whiskey and I was spending the night. I drank the whole bottle myself, but I was a heavy drinker at the time. I didn't even notice that he didn't drink anything at all the whole night. Then when later that evening, after we had settled down, I passed out for awhile and woke up to him in bed with me (we had went to bed separately). After he noticed that I was awake, he raped me. I won't go into all of those details, but it happened and I'm fairly weak physically (plus all of the alcohol), so there was nothing I could do about it. When he tried to talk to me about a week later, he admitted all of the coke that he had done that night and that he wasn't right in the head when he was on it and couldn't control his urges and hadn't cared whether or not he hurt me. I never responded back, and it's been a few years and I haven't seen him again, but that was a bit of a wake-up call for me. If someone who was basically my brother could do something like that to me under the influence of cocaine, what would I be willing to do to other people?